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Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Bells on Their Toes and Other Means of Keeping Toddler Safe
Since when is just keeping track of your children considered to be child abuse or being "over-protective"? Is it child abuse to stop your child from running out into the street? NO! Is it being over-protective to teach your child not to touch the hot stove? NO! It is also not abusive to want to keep your child safe from any other significant dangers that may lurk just outside Mom or Dad's line of sight. It is also much less stressful to have your child standing or walking close by your side, safely connected to your wrist by a "child leash," rather than have to fight endless wrestling matches because the toddler simply wants to exercise the legs God gave him. Hot weather is the most obvious argument for letting the child walk on his own -- it gets sticky here in Iowa in July, and both parent and child gain blessed relief from being able to be safely separated by a few inches. And yet, Moms and Dads know they will receive condemning stares from the general public if they seek to use a safety child harness or other such connecting life-line.
Attach bells to the little ones' shoes so you can tell which direction they have wandered or put a leash on their arm and yours or whatever it takes to keep your child close to you, but safe. I got the same nasty stares from people that you are afraid of getting, but I held my head high and reassured myself that I was doing the right thing. I knew I was treating my child like an autonomous human being and not like a less-than-submissive domestic animal.
I bought tiny brass bells (not the round, miniature sleigh bell style) at a craft store and looped the bells over the shoelaces with small-size ponytail elastics (1" diameter) the way you would loop rubber bands together to make a chain. The covered ponytail bands were stronger and longer lasting than rubber bands and allowed the bells enough room to flop around and jingle effectively. The bands could be quickly looped around shoelaces, Velcro straps, or sandal straps. The tiny bells gave off a quiet jingle that most people did not even notice, but our trained ears readily tuned in to.
My son wore bells on his shoes until he was five. For him it meant freedom: Mom and Dad could tell where he was or if he was wandering off. We actually bought a little device once that would sound an alarm if the child got more than a certain distance from the "base unit" attached to Dad's belt. We returned it to the store after only one weekend's use -- we could not tell which way the toddler had wandered. The ear-piercing shriek told us he was gone, but gave us no clue which direction to start looking. The bells went back on the shoes and stayed there for several more years.
We also purchased a "leash" and developed creative ways to use it. It was the coiled "telephone wire" type with Velcro straps to fasten around your wrist and the child's wrist. That worked wonderfully until I needed to hold onto two children at the same time. Then I attached the "child-proof" end to my younger child and the "parent" end to my older child (with an appropriate explanation of why it was important not to remove it), and I held onto the middle of the stretchy cord. At least if I needed to let go momentarily, my children would stay together.
I only had two children to worry about, and many readers are now wondering how they can deal with their "added blessings." It is a technique that is too often overlooked: teach your older children the importance of being Mom's helpers. You are not doing yourself any favors by permitting the "I don't want to touch him/her" frame of mind. I recently observed a Mom-of-three walking out of a store, clutching the hands of her two youngest and casting worried glances over her shoulder to make sure Child #1 was still following behind. That oldest child also had hands and was therefore sufficiently equipped to hold onto either of his siblings, but Mom was allowing him to poke along by himself, slowing down the whole family. (That allows Junior to set the pace and call all the shots -- Mom is no longer in control, Junior has now become The Boss.) Mom, make that child hold onto his sibling's hand and keep up with the rest of you! The fenced-in backyard is your child's safe area for running around free -- shopping trips are a different story.
One more important note: hiding in store clothing racks was not something I tolerated! I went through enough panic the first time that happened to know I never wanted a repeat occurrence. Children do get bored when shopping and see ducking inside racks as a harmless distraction and a delightful game. Take the time to explain to the child why you cannot allow them to sit underneath the clothing where they cannot be seen by an adult. Also, offer an alternative to them: show them where they can sit on the floor so you can see them, lift them into your shopping cart for a rest, or start an observation game as a distraction while you quickly finish your shopping (I see something green and square... do you?). Incidentally, I have found that for most discipline problems, a little explanation goes a long way! Once the child understands the reason for the rule, it is much easier for them to obey the rule.
The people who would consider us "over-protective" are those who grew up in a different world from the one we now live in. Unfortunately, we cannot go back in time to a day when Opie and his friends would ride their bicycles out into the country unsupervised, or when Beaver would walk across town to the movie matinee and get distracted for hours on end exploring construction sites. Although those were fictional scenarios, we must face facts and realize that our children are children, and children need parents to guide them, protect them, and watch over them. We should not allow anyone to make us feel guilty for doing our job to the best of our ability.
Posted by Carolyn M @ 9:31 AM |
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