Top 10 Things I Did Not Need for Homeschooling

June 12, 2006 by 3 Comments

Homeschooling requires a minimal amount of preparation: it can be started with a few books to read, some paper and pencils, and a few broken crayons as basic art supplies. Institutional schools receiving government funding would lead us to believe that much, much more is needed for adequately educating students. I quickly discovered that certain institutional necessities were, in fact, completely unnecessary in our homeschool setting. And so, here, without further ado, are the Top Ten Things I Did NOT Need for Homeschooling.

10. Attendance Charts, Seating Charts, Hall Passes, or Restroom Passes — We relaxed and made ourselves at home… because we were at home.

9. Lunch Punch Cards — Our lunches were all paid for before we took the groceries home from the store.

8. Hall Monitors — I could hear trouble from anywhere in the house.

7. Playground Monitors — Unless you want to count the dog.

6. Harassment Policy or That Desk Facing the Wall in the Back of the Room for the Disruptive Kid — “Don’t hit your sister,” “Don’t hit your brother,” and “Go to your room” covered it all for us.

5. Parent/Teacher Conferences — Unless you want to count talking to myself.

4. AIDS Awareness; Diversity Day; or G*y, L*sbian, Transg*nder, & Bis*xual Day — We were too busy with learning the more important aspects of education… such as how to read, write, and calculate.

3. Police Officers, Metal Detectors, or Pepper Spray — I even encouraged my students to use and carry pocket knives.

2. Zero Tolerance Policies — I possess critical thinking skills and know how to use them to analyze problems on a case by case basis.

And finally, the Number One Thing that I did not need for homeschooling my own children…

1. RITALIN! or any other mind-numbing drugs to control active children — Physical exercise was much more effective for getting the wiggles out and preparing my students to learn.

*[Unfortunately, the spelling of certain words must be altered to reduce unwanted search engine hits. I apologize for any confusion.]

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Encouragement for Parents, Homeschool How-To's, Homeschool v. Public School, Leaving Public School, Top 10 (and other) Lists

Surprise Party!!

June 9, 2006 by Leave a Comment


It’s Carolyn’s birthday today, so I have hijacked her own website in order to host a birthday party. I’m pretty sure she’s off celebrating the day with my dad, so if everyone could post a happy birthday message here for her that would be great! Let’s make this birthday a really happy one!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!!!

Filed Under: Uncategorized

We’re Not Raising Children — We’re Raising Adults

June 1, 2006 by 1 Comment

Do you set out to make bread dough or to make bread? Do you set out to make cake batter or to make a cake? Following this line of thinking, are you raising children, or are you raising adults?

We read The Chronicles of Narnia, not C.S. Lewis’ first drafts of his stories. When I accidentally attached the collar backwards to a blouse I was making, I did not wear it that way: I fixed the collar first. The time I burned the cookies we were making for Christmas gifts, we did not give those away to our friends and neighbors: we baked new ones. What I have before me is not necessarily what my desired end product will be. I am not raising children; I am taking the children that I have, and training them to be adults.

Children should grow up to be adults. I am sickened every time I see adults acting as immature, juvenile, undisciplined adolescents with poor manners and a lack of even basic social graces, making it seem that some people intend to live in a junior high locker room forever. Adults should never forget how to be child-like, but they should never hold onto childishness. It is delightful to embrace the innocence and wonder of childhood, but it is equally important to abandon the self-centeredness and learn to put the needs of others before your own desires. Childhood should enjoy carefree playtime, but we must mix in age-appropriate responsibilities to teach our children what they will need to know for their future roles in life: independent living skills, dedication to a job or career, home and car maintenance, how to be an effective spouse, how to be an effective parent, and how to teach their own children.

As adults, we need to consider ourselves to be the visual aids that children will observe and seek to imitate. Adults are role models to all around them, whether we like it or not. We are being watched by our own children, by others’ children, and by other adults as well. Consider your own behavior and whether you want to see it mirrored back to you by those youngsters who are using you as a pattern for life. Also, consider what behavior you approve of in others, even by your silence. Will you be comfortable hearing a child say, “But he did it (or said it), and people thought it was funny! Why can’t I do it?”

Children will not be children forever. Children should not be children forever. Each of us needs to grow up and take on the responsibilities of adulthood, but no one can tackle that all at once. I tried to view my children as “future adults” as much as possible and teach them, step by step, the things they would need to know and do as adults — from performing household chores to being financially responsible, from making wise decisions to being trustworthy and dependable. We are not just raising children — we are raising adults.

Filed Under: Encouragement for Parents, Family Unity, Parenting, Role-Modeling

Looking Back on the Bad Days

May 18, 2006 by 2 Comments

This post will be different from my normal entries, so bear with me. This will start on quite a negative focus, but I promise to turn it positive before the end. The reason for this post is that I have been asked recently in multiple ways whether I actually had any bad days in homeschooling. Oh, let me tell you.

There was no book available to encourage me that I could homeschool Guilt-Free. When I tried to solicit advice from veteran homeschoolers, they seemed to look at me as though I must be doing something horribly wrong if I was feeling guilty or insufficient as a teacher for my children. I read everything that I could get my hands on about homeschooling, but I still did not find anything referencing the daily grind of teaching my children or how much I would wish that the Fairy Godmother of Homeschooling could show up and wave her magic wand, making everything work as perfectly as the homeschool magazines portrayed.

Off to a Bad Start
In trying to decide whether or not we should even attempt homeschooling, my husband and I attended a small homeschooling conference. Hearing everything that I needed to hear, I was quickly convinced that homeschooling could work for us and would for us. I purchased a couple of items from the vendor hall that either looked fabulous to me or that I had heard other families raving about. Big mistake. What I bought with eagerness and confidence turned out to be a dreadful waste of money. I later resold them to some other unsuspecting families. More guilt for doing that. I recouped some of my money, but not until several years later. The nagging guilt that my first homeschool purchases were so foolishly impulsive was also embarrassing. You would expect that I had learned that lesson then, but you would be wrong. I later made other purchases of clever-looking gadgets and highly touted, expensive books, only to be disappointed when they proved themselves to be limited in scope and insufficient for our needs. How would I ever figure out what to buy? How could I know what would work with my children? How much money would I waste in the process?

As we jumped from book to book, trying to find what we needed to fill the gaps left by insufficient public school experiences, I saw little consistency in our curricula, but since we had not begun homeschooling from Kindergarten onward, what else could we do? I did not know what my children knew, and I had no way of determining what they did not know or what materials would meet our needs, other than through trial and error. Was it too soon to change? Was it too late to change? How many times would we change materials before we found something that worked? Would we ever find something that worked? How would I know if I was doing things right?

Past Regrets
We trudged through our first years of homeschooling, and at times, it felt very much like slogging through knee-deep mud while trying not to lose your shoes. The good days and the “aha” moments kept us going. Even my children recognized that they were learning more at home than they had learned in public school, and for the most part, they were enjoying being at home much more than they had liked being at school. However, as time went by, I began to learn more about their negative experiences at school. Why had I not been more involved in my children’s schooling before? What other things had taken place that I knew nothing about? As if my inept-homeschooler guilt was not enough by itself, now I had retroactive guilt about their public school experiences as well.

My husband also confided to me that he had wanted to begin homeschooling several years before we actually did begin, but he had not suggested it to me because he felt it was a tremendous burden to drop on me. That actually increased my guilt even more: he was so sweet in not wanting to pressure me, but had I been so shallow that I had not seen the need that my children had for better education?

Daily Agony
So there I was, finally committed to homeschooling my children, but fearful of what the future would hold. I could barely get through each day without becoming upset over my own inabilities, my children’s lack of determination and discipline, or our tight quarters that kept us too close for comfort. We needed more space, and we needed more guidance, and we got neither. When I caught myself snapping and yelling at my children, who had really done nothing wrong, I often just abruptly ended lessons for the day and let the children go off to play. I reasoned that we would be better off getting away from each other for a while, than if we continued in our current downward spiral. Besides, it was too hard to see the lessons through all of our tears of frustration. The Bible says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Well, the sparks flying from us must have looked like a fireworks display.

We set up a “schoolroom” in our enclosed back porch, using a folding table and long benches down two sides. The children’s restless legs often swung back and forth under the table, frequently landing blows on the unsuspecting sibling. I had to order that child to the far end of that bench and this child to the opposite end of this bench until they learned to respect the space limitations. I soon discovered that classroom models do not work well at home, and I allowed my students to take stretch breaks as often as they needed them. Our close quarters also prompted a large number of face-making taunts and distractions, so I rigged up a temporary visual barrier down the middle of the table until my students learned to adapt to their new environment. Once they learned to cooperate with each other and be responsible for completing their own lessons, I rewarded them with the privilege of taking an assignment to another location, but the progress was not instantaneous.

I would threaten my children with sending them back to public school if they did not do their lessons for me, but they saw that as the empty threat it was, since they knew we had begun homeschooling after the public schools had failed to meet our needs. I felt so trapped, and I was sure that my children felt just as despondent. We had thought that education at home would be the solution to all of our problems, but, while it did solve those previous problems, it had also created many more problems of its own. What had I gotten myself into? How would I ever get through this? Were my children actually learning anything of consequence? Were we doing enough? Should we be doing more? How could we handle anything more?

I began to feel invisible — like I had ceased to exist as a person. I was 100% dedicated to serving my husband and children as a wife, mother, and now homeschool teacher, but there was no time left over for me to be me. I had previously enjoyed multiple hobbies — sewing, needlework, crafts, reading, music — but any outside activities that I did manage to squeeze in were still focused on homeschooling: reading information on homeschooling, making manipulatives that we could not afford otherwise, or writing my own homeschool lessons when I could not find appropriate materials. I felt selfish for wanting time to myself, but I did wonder if I would ever get to be a real person with my own identity again.

Our “Groove” Became a Rut That Others Tripped Over
After a few of years of homeschooling, we finally felt like we were getting the hang of this business. We had dropped a lot of the trappings of schoolishness and were finding our own way — a way that suited us and worked for us. At that time, we decided to join a large group of other homeschooling families who got together regularly for planned activities and cooperative classes. How exciting — like-minded families, full of the joy of home education, eager to get together to share the fun of learning. About that same time, we were becoming very confident with our own methods of homeschooling. We met families who shared similar backgrounds to ours (those of us who left public school for homeschooling were a definite minority) and consoled each other with our personal tales of how we had survived thus far. [I have seen a dramatic difference between homeschooling after attending school and homeschooling without ever attending school. Maybe their grass just looks greener from here, but in my opinion, families in the second category have far fewer problems to overcome.]

As I had analyzed the materials available for seventh and eighth grade, I saw that many textbooks repeated the same standard information with little change. I decided to leave the textbooks behind for history and science and let my daughter read biographies instead. She suddenly came alive and began devouring the plan I had set before her. She accomplished so much that year, that she essentially completed both 7th and 8th grades in one year’s time. I was ecstatic. I could not wait to share her achievements with my friends in our new group, but they were less than thrilled to hear my news. Instead of rejoicing with me that we were finally “getting it” and beginning to make some real progress in this thing called homeschooling, our friends seemed resentful and jealous. I was certainly not trying to exhibit one-upmanship over them, and I was not at all bragging that my child was doing better than their children were doing. I was just doggone proud that my little girl was now doing so much better than my little girl had ever done before. They did not see it that way. They looked at me as if we had cheated by skipping over a grade. Had I done something wrong by designing an educational plan just for her? Were the “homeschool cops” going to beat a path to my door for violating academic protocol? She was finally learning — eagerly — how could that be so wrong?

Silver Linings
This has been a difficult time of reflection for me, looking back over what I have considered to be my failures in homeschooling. As much as I may want to say “and we all lived happily ever after,” that is not an appropriate conclusion. I cannot leave the mothers hanging who are also white-knuckling their ways through each day’s lessons. I cannot wrap this up without trying to explain how we turned things around for ourselves.

First, I gave myself the gift of time. I needed time to learn how to teach my children: I had never been a teacher before. My students needed time to learn how to do lessons on their own, without a roomful of classmates to rely on: they had never experienced learning independently before. I stopped expecting instant, large-scale results and began looking for tiny indications of daily or weekly progress. Homeschooling really does get easier the longer you do it, because you learn what to do, what not to do, and how to do it all together.

Next, I expanded my teaching staff to include my students. Classroom methods for teaching and learning are typically unsuitable for homeschooling. If I had to pick one thing I did that led to success in homeschooling, it was to abandon all preconceived ideas of what “school” should be like and to build a new plan that fit us. I looked at my students and talked with my students to determine where their strengths were and where their weaknesses were. We worked together to use their strengths to build up their weaknesses. I apologized to them for the mistakes I made and for pushing them too hard. They forgave me. Every time. We worked together to determine how our homeschooling days should proceed. I gave them some responsibility for their own education: I let them be partners with me in planning what we would do and how we would do it. We learned together. We succeeded together.

As for “my” time, I realized that it was necessary for me to focus on my family and their needs for each day and that my own time would come later. As my students became more comfortable with the methods of homeschooling, they also became more independent in their learning. They asked for and received permission to take lessons away from our communal school area and go to their bedrooms or other private areas to study. I was still available for help and direction when they needed it, but they needed less help with each passing year. They were also able to help me with household chores, taking over the less-Mom-intensive tasks and freeing me for the more complicated jobs. Their assistance in daily chores taught them responsibility and gave me just enough free time to keep me from going completely crazy.

If you have found yourself overwhelmed, awash with tears, or engaged in shouting matches with your students, be assured it will get easier. My guess is that you are still in the early stages of your homeschooling career, and I promise you that things will improve with time. (I cannot repeat often enough that everyone’s first year of homeschooling is the toughest.) For now, take a little time off — skip a day of lessons and play games, watch videos, or go on a picnic. Do something to enjoy each other’s company and clear your heads. Leave the stress behind, Guilt-Free. When you come back to your lessons, try a different approach. Get out the Monopoly money and help your child practice math by counting, sorting, and making change with it. Instead of a dry history textbook, head to the library and look for biographies of people you find interesting. Play Scrabble. Play tag. Use your imaginations, and let your scheduled plans fall by the wayside for a while. Get to know each other better, and share ideas for what would help to make your school days more enjoyable.

Take some time to observe your children and evaluate their good points and their bad points. Then go to the nearest school and watch those students as they leave for the day. Go to a shopping mall on a weekend and spend some time people-watching (specifically teen-watching). Repeat these steps until you are convinced that your meager efforts in homeschooling are producing a quality product. If you are satisfied with the citizens your children are becoming, then assure yourself that you are doing it right and you are doing enough.

Feelings of guilt regarding your homeschool are quite often the result of trying to live up to someone else’s standards. Ignore those people. Remind yourself of why you have chosen to homeschool and what you hope to gain by homeschooling. Focus on meeting your own goals, not anyone else’s. Draw confidence from the progress you have already made, and look carefully for the small signs of progress that you are making each day, each week, each month.

I had to learn that homeschooling was not a sprint: it was a marathon. The important thing was not how quickly we could leave the starting blocks or how much progress we could make in the first lap. Our success in homeschooling came from setting a pace that we could maintain and then enjoying the scenery as we sustained forward motion. I stumbled many times as I began teaching my children at home. Even after I had established a semi-smooth gait, we still tripped over occasional potholes and obstacles. I dared not think about how much distance we had left to cover, but I kept my focus on how far we had already come and how the steep hills and deep valleys were settling into a smoother plane. Now we can look back over those difficult days at the beginning and say that we “ran with endurance the race set before us.” We have made it to the Finish Line. And so can you.

Filed Under: Encouragement for Parents, Family Unity, Homeschool v. Public School, Leaving Public School

Should Everyone Homeschool?

April 24, 2006 by 2 Comments

A statement commonly made by people not involved in homeschooling is that not everyone should homeschool. I am perplexed by this. I was discussing homeschooling with a mother whose children attended public school, when she asked me directly if I thought everyone should homeschool. She asked the question with a very defensive tone in her voice, as though she expected me to agree with her perspective that homeschooling is only beneficial to a few select families. I stated that I have never yet met a child who would not benefit from homeschooling, and she immediately switched from defensive haughtiness to genuine curiosity, replying, “Really?!”

Parents also benefit from homeschooling. I have seen many parents undergo dramatic changes through homeschooling, both in their own level of maturity and in their relationships with their children. In my opinion, the single most important aspect of homeschooling is not the education, but the family relationship. Through homeschooling, parents and children learn to live with each other, like each other, respect each other, and learn from each other. Parents who rely on the government to educate their children tend to know less and less about their children with each passing year.

At this point, I will admit that I have seen, heard, or read about parents whose ideas of homeschooling differ greatly from mine. I do not approve of all methods that are practiced under the broad heading of homeschooling. What I see as beneficial to all parties involved, parents and children, are the one-on-one tutoring, the opportunities to tailor lessons to the student’s interests, and the time spent together as a family unit, making the most important interactions that a child has with any adults be with that child’s own parents. (Some people try to argue bizarre cases of child abuse among homeschoolers. I can match them case for case with child abuse carried out by non-homeschoolers and then continue to pile up evidence of abuses by public school personnel or by other students, so let’s leave that rabbit trail behind and get back to the subject at hand.)

Homeschooling is not a fad. Homeschooling is not even a modern idea. Teaching one’s own children is the way that education has been passed down since the beginning of time. Public schools, on the other hand, have only been in existence for approximately 150 years and were designed for the frightening purpose of creating a compliant working class. Some ancient civilizations did utilize “schools,” but they were not at all what we think of by the same name. Children had already learned reading and handwriting, mathematics and reasoning before they could be admitted to one of these schools, which were much closer to the level of our colleges and universities today. These early educational institutions were very small and involved one-on-one tutoring in highly specialized areas. Apprenticeship may be a more accurate term for us to use in understanding how “schools” operated before the time of the American Civil War. These opportunities were available only to the very wealthy — a far cry from what “school” means today: one-size-fits-all education for everyone, rich or poor, beginning before many children have learned how to read or count.

The “Dark Ages” of medieval Europe sticks in most of our minds as a time when education did not exist. At least, that is the image portrayed by most public school textbooks. Most people could not read or write, and life was generally miserable. However, we must realize that that was localized to a small area of the world and was promoted by the religious fanatics of that day. In an effort to keep their religion “pure,” they discouraged learning among the general public, feeling that only a privileged class should be able to read the holy scriptures, not the common, everyday man. Within only a few generations, education died out, except where allowed by the fanatics, and then their educational establishments advocated their own brand of educational fanaticism. Let me point out again that this was in only one part of the world — education flourished during this time in the civilizations that were not subjected to this particular brand of religious fervor, and this period was followed by an age of “new birth” in which all students made up for lost time. However, since most modern Americans are descended from European ancestry, that is the view of history that we receive. I am confident that Chinese history, for example, contains no similar period where learning was purposely stagnated.

Accepting responsibility for the education of one’s own children is not something that homeschooling parents take lightly. It requires close attention to daily activities and personal in-the-trenches involvement in lessons. I have noticed that the people who claim that not everyone should homeschool are generally uninvolved in their own children’s lives. While they may attend school sporting events, ask a few questions about the school day, or even discuss issues at the dinner table, it is nowhere near the same level of involvement that homeschooling parents have. Some who protest homeschooling are not even parents themselves, furthering the adage: Before marriage, you will have theories about raising children; once you have children, you will have no more theories.

Modern parents have accepted the notion (set forth by “professional” educators) that they are unqualified and incapable of educating their own children. If their child falters on a lesson concept in a homework assignment, the parents will invariably ask, “Didn’t your teacher explain this in class?” assuming it is solely another’s responsibility to educate their child. If asked to describe the events of a typical school day, the parents’ descriptions would probably not resemble their child’s reality. It breaks my heart to hear public school teachers express that they feel they are closer to their students than the students’ parents are. This is doubly sad because 1) the parents have allowed strangers to influence their impressionable minor children, and 2) the public school teachers feel it is their right to influence the children placed in their care.

History proves that every family used to educate their own children. What has changed that? Why is homeschooling now such a repugnant idea to so many? Not everyone can (right now, this minute) begin homeschooling and do an excellent job at it — just as not everyone can undertake any job with no training or prior experience and do an excellent job at it immediately. However, I firmly believe that every family (parents and children) can learn to homeschool (if they want to learn) and will benefit from homeschooling (if they attempt it wholeheartedly).

Can everyone benefit from homeschooling? I say yes. Is everyone able to homeschool? No, but the prohibition is usually a personally inflicted reason, such as debt. Would I like to see everyone attempt homeschooling? Absolutely, yes. Do I feel everyone can achieve the same level of success in homeschooling that I did? No — I feel many people can do a much better job than I did, because more help is now available. I have learned many things now that I wish I had known when I began homeschooling, such as the different Learning Styles and how to match the lesson presentation to the student’s method of learning. Is it “failure” to send your children to public school? No more than it is “failure” to feed your child bologna sandwiches day after day when more nutritious options are available. Is homeschooling right for everyone? How could hands-on, personal involvement in your child’s education ever be wrong? Should you try homeschooling? What do you think?

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Family Unity, Homeschool v. Public School

50 Reasons Why I Could Never Homeschool

April 12, 2006 by 26 Comments

If you are a parent who thinks you could never homeschool, be encouraged: I used to be one of you. If someone had suggested back then that I should homeschool, I would have had a dozen reasons ready why I could not do it. One day, I ran out of reasons. Actually, the reasons why I wanted to try homeschooling began to outnumber my excuses for not trying it.

When my daughter was old enough for Kindergarten, I didn’t have to worry about homeschooling because it was not yet legal in my state. Later, I avoided homeschooling because I thought my toddler needed too much of my attention. Still later, it became obvious that the government’s public school system was failing both of my children, and I finally took a serious look at homeschooling. Our lives (and their education) changed completely within the next few months, and it has been a change that we have never regretted.

When people say they “could never homeschool,” they usually complete that thought with one of the lines listed below. Sometimes the line is spoken aloud, and other times it is merely implied. Still more often, the spoken phrase, “I could never homeschool,” stands alone as a substitute, a coded message, for one or more of these assertions. If you think you could never homeschool, give some consideration to these tongue-in-cheek explanations and reflect on why you feel homeschooling is not for you — be sure that you are not avoiding homeschooling for mere excuses.

I could never homeschool–

1. …I’m too disorganized. Homeschooling works with as much organization as you are willing to put forth. However, if you can keep your silverware sorted, you probably have what it takes.
2. …I don’t know how. Have you ever begun a new adventure already knowing everything about it? Like anything else in life, you learn as you go.
3. …I wouldn’t be any good at it. How do you know? Have you tried and failed at this before? If you have, then you know what problems to avoid this time.
4. …I’m too lazy. Are you saying that it is easier to get your children up, dressed, fed, and off to school at the crack of dawn five days a week, than it is to allow your children to do math in their pajamas?
5. …My husband/family won’t let me. Is that because you have run yourselves deeply into debt and need multiple incomes to keep up the payments? Or is it because of utopian ideas of what institutional schools can do for a child?
6. …I’m not smart enough. Did you teach your child to walk or talk? Did you help him learn to dress himself? Did you teach him to sing “Happy Birthday”? Then you probably have what it takes to teach him to print his name. The rest you can learn as you go.
7. …I don’t want my child to end up like that weird homeschooled kid I know. Don’t worry–your child will end up with his own brand of weirdness, whether he is homeschooled or not.
8. …I can’t stand to be around my children. This is a bigger problem that you need to resolve, no matter where your children go to school.
9. …My children can’t stand to be with me. Again, this is a bigger problem that you need to resolve, no matter where your children go to school.
10. …I want to support the local Christian school. That is an admirable goal, but is the Christian school more important than your own child? The quality of education (even at Christian schools) is far below what a child can receive at home. Also, Christian schools are populated with the thugs, bullies, and reprobates who managed to get themselves expelled from public school.
11. …I want to support the community through the public school. Again, is the community more important than your child’s welfare and education? The quality of education at public schools is far below what a child can receive at home.
12. …All my children’s friends go to public school. Any friends worth keeping can still be seen and played with after school or on weekends.
13. …I don’t have the patience to homeschool. Did you become impatient when your child was learning to walk or talk? Were you impatient when helping him learn to ride a bike? Homeschooling is no different–it is teaching new skills to the children you love.
14. …My child has “special needs.” Many parents homeschool their “special needs” children, feeling that no other teacher can understand or care for their child better than the parents can.
15. …I don’t know any other homeschoolers–I would need help. Homeschooling is growing so quickly that there are probably some homeschoolers in your area already. There are also resources on the internet for helping you connect with homeschooling families near you.
16. …I don’t want to insult my friends who are public school teachers. Right. Because their feelings are so much more important than your child’s feelings and education.
17. …I have to work. Some families have been able to adjust their work schedules and their homeschooling schedule to fit together. Other families have found financial benefits to homeschooling that eliminated the need for both parents to work.
18. …My children don’t want to homeschool. How do they know? Have they tried it before? My children loved having a fully stocked refrigerator available in their classroom.
19. …I have a degree, a career, and a corner office that I have worked hard for, and I’m not giving that up. Right. Because it’s all about you, isn’t it? But your child would like his own chance to obtain a degree, a career, and a corner office.
20. …I can’t teach algebra, geometry, calculus, or chemistry. 1.) If your child is just starting Kindergarten, you don’t have to worry about the advanced subjects just yet. 2.) The lessons are all explained in the textbooks.
21. …My children won’t listen to me, don’t respect me, or don’t think I am smart enough. Some of this will disappear the first time you answer a question as Teacher, and more will be conquered as you continue to homeschool. However, some of this may stem from bigger problems that will need to be resolved no matter where your children go to school.
22. …I have a life and social commitments, and I’m not giving those up. It’s still all about you, isn’t it? Many commitments outside the home can still be maintained–and some may be easier because of the lack of school-related commitments during after-school hours.
23. …I don’t want to wear a denim jumper, put my hair in a bun, kill my own chickens, or have 18 children. And you don’t have to. Homeschooling should fit your family’s lifestyle–no matter what your lifestyle is. Some athletes homeschool around hours and hours of daily training, and some families homeschool on the road in the cab of an 18-wheeler. Homeschooling adapts to you and your lifestyle.
24. …It costs too much money to homeschool. Many of the costs associated with homeschooling (such as curriculum purchases) can be spread out by re-using the materials for several students, or recouped by reselling the materials when you are finished with them.
25. …We can’t afford to start now; maybe we’ll start next year. Along with your financial costs, be sure to consider the personal costs to your child. In some cases, the emotional and mental anguish from one more year in public school can do irreparable harm.
26. …We might homeschool later when the kids really need it. How will you know if you’ve waited too long to start? In some cases, the emotional and mental anguish from one more year in public school can do irreparable harm.
27. …My child has been looking forward to going to public school, and I can’t break his heart. 1.) Your child is probably looking forward to either a ride on a school bus or a chance to play on the school playground. Are those more important than the quality of education? You can ride the city bus (or a church bus), visit a local playground, and then make cookies together at home (something he can’t do at school). 2.) Who is responsible for deciding what is best for the child–that child or you, the parent?
28. …I don’t want to go to jail–isn’t homeschooling against the law? No. Homeschooling is legal in all fifty states, as well as many foreign countries. Home School Legal Defense Association is consistently on top of homeschooling law cases and will support any member family at no cost. (info at http://hslda.org)
29. …I want my children to get into college. Homeschoolers are actively recruited by colleges for their dedication to excellence and self-motivated learning.
30. …Homeschooling isn’t really that important. Homeschooling can turn a poor student into a great student. Imagine what it can do for your student.
31. …I went to public school, and I turned out all right. The school you went to is no longer available. Schools are dramatically different now from what they were even five years ago. Ask a child who is currently in school what a typical day is like.
32. …I want my children to experience all the good things from public school. Again, the school you went to is no longer available, and you may have forgotten many of the painful or difficult times that accompanied your good experiences. Ask a child who is currently in school what a typical day is like.
33. …My baby/toddler takes up too much of my time. Have you found ways to prepare meals or do laundry with Baby around? Homeschooling can also be adapted around baby’s schedule, and toddlers and preschoolers love to join in the fun. There are many ways to homeschool with younger children about.
34. …My mother is a teacher! Then she should understand why you want to skip all of the undesirable elements of school and focus on personalized academics. It is a very rare grandmother who does not want the best for her grandchild. And you have the bonus that she can help teach your child how to stand in line for the bathroom or show you how to inspect him for head lice.
35. …My children won’t have any friends. Do they have friends now? They can still get together with the school friends they enjoy, and friends from the neighborhood or church will still be around. Homeschool support groups provide new friendship opportunities, plus field trips and group activities.
36. …I’m dyslexic–I can’t teach my child. Some dyslexia results from incomplete understanding of phonics and reading skills, which parents can learn right along with their students. Any other homeschooling adults would be understanding and happy to help you through any difficult spots.
37. …I’m not creative. But many other people are and are making their ideas available to other homeschoolers. Low-cost and no-cost ideas are available on the Internet, at public libraries, and through cooperative homeschooling support groups.
38. …I’m not religious–homeschoolers are all religious fanatics. Many homeschoolers have no religious preference but choose homeschooling for the excellence in academic instruction and opportunities for personally tailored learning.
39. …I want my child in the Gifted Program. “Gifted” in public school programs often means “compliant worker-bee.” Boat-rocking, buck-the-system, freethinking individuals are rarely admitted into Gifted Programs. Your child can develop his gifts and personal interests without all of the bureaucratic red tape or funding cuts.
40. …Homeschooling takes too much time, and it takes more time each year as the kids get older. Wrong. Homeschooling takes less time for the parent as the students get older and become able to work more independently.
41. …I could teach arithmetic, but I don’t know how to teach a child to read. There are many programs available for teaching reading, including some which guide everything the parent should say to the child. Teaching your child to read is much simpler than it seems and is an unbelievably rewarding experience.
42. …I want my child involved in sports. Homeschooled children are involved in sports through city recreation leagues, through dual-enrollment with public schools specifically for the sports, and through the many homeschool cooperative groups that are starting teams and hosting tournaments.
43. …I can’t teach art. 1.) “Art” must be your child’s name. 2.) Art can be taught, even if he is stubborn. 3.) Dump all of your crafty supplies on the floor and let Art loose. Library books can guide you into specific artistic techniques, but creativity is built in to all children.
44. …I can’t teach a foreign language. Excellent foreign language programs are available on CD-ROM that allow the student to hear the correct pronunciation, free of regional accents. (Have you ever heard French spoken with a Texas accent? I know a public school student whose teacher taught French with a heavy drawl. It’s funny.)
45. …My child is too active to keep up with. So you’d rather send him to a school where they will medicate him with drugs to make him sit still? At home, that child can run, jump, and play, and then do the schoolwork when his legs are finally tired and want to rest.
46. …I’m a single parent. Many single parents are finding ways to homeschool their children through flexible scheduling (of the job or the lessons) or work-at-home options.
47. …My neighbors will report me for child abuse. Do you need to be reported for child abuse? If not, try talking with your neighbors to help them understand your desire to provide your children with an excellent education. Bake cookies for the neighbors and have the children ask them about their hobbies, careers, or where they grew up, as part of a homeschool project. HSLDA will defend member families against false reports, but not homeschooling out of fear is cheating your children out of a wonderful educational opportunity, not to mention the emotional abuse they will actually endure at public school.
48. …I don’t have an extra room in my house for a classroom. You don’t need one. You can do lessons on whatever surface you currently eat dinner (kitchen snack bar, dining room table, or TV tray) and sit on the sofa for reading. Books and supplies can be stored in a box in the closet or in a corner to keep them from wandering off.
49. ...I don’t want to homeschool. It never stops being about you, does it? Is your leisure time really more important to you than your child’s education and your child’s welfare?
50. …I wouldn’t know how to start homeschooling. There are abundant resources for homeschooling, including the one you are reading right now.

I strongly urge you, if you are not homeschooling now, to give serious thought to why you have not considered homeschooling your children. If your reasons now seem as frivolous as the reasons stated above, perhaps you need to look at homeschooling as a real possibility for your family. Families have begun homeschooling as a way to care for dramatic health needs or because they had serious disagreements with the philosophies put forth in public school curriculum. However, homeschooling is proving itself to be an ideal way just to strengthen individual families and prepare children for college and the real life beyond. Besides all of the wonderful reasons for justifying homeschooling, it is just plain fun for both the children and the parents. Investigate this phenomenon called homeschooling–you may be very glad you did.

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Encouragement for Parents, Family Unity, Homeschool v. Public School, Leaving Public School, Top 10 (and other) Lists

The Forgotten Role Model: Spouse

April 5, 2006 by Leave a Comment

I have been noticing some differences lately between single adults and married adults, specifically in the way both types of people think and make decisions. I must admit that, at first, I had thought of the single adults I know as just being a little “quirky” in their thinking processes, and then I realized why they seem to do things differently than I or other married people do: an entirely different decision-making process is needed for couples than is used by single adults.

Single adults do not have anyone else to be accountable to. Single adults do not have a spouse for a sounding board or to take into consideration before any major decisions are made. Married adults automatically have another person for those purposes, but that does not mean that all married adults automatically give consideration to their spouses when making decisions. Having or being a spouse requires that decisions should be made with concern for your mate’s needs and desires. Married adults who make decisions as though they are still autonomous singles are destined to become single again. Sadly, their marriages will fail or at least will not be as successful and satisfying as will the marriage of two people who are both dedicated to fulfilling the needs and desires of their mates.

A sad fact of the world we live in today is that more and more children are being raised in single-parent households. Regardless of the reasons behind this phenomenon, the parents must fill in the gaps that these children experience. A single parent is doing double-duty, serving as both father and mother in many situations, even sometimes when custody of the children is a shared arrangement. My heart aches for the single moms and single dads who are doing their best to raise their children alone, and the homeschooling single parents are simply working miracles, in my estimation. However, while they are providing the household income and nurturing their children, there is an unfortunate side effect that they cannot effectively cover on their own. Their children do not see that parent modeling the role of spouse. Children commonly see their parents as a mother or a father, but not as a wife or a husband. The relationship of parent to child is usually restricted to the Mom or Dad role. The single parent is forced to make the major decisions alone. While advice may be sought from friends, co-workers, or grandparents, the decision ultimately rests only on the shoulders of that single adult.

Occasionally, an opportunity arises with my own children when I can give them a glimpse into what it means to me to be a wife, rather than always representing a mother. I point out the same things for my husband, how he is not just a father, his role is also much more complex. When we have major decisions to make, we discuss them together, but not always in front of our children. Therefore, it is important to give the children a synopsis of our decision-making processes so that they can realize how both husband and wife can influence the outcome. While the choices faced by single adults usually come down to a simple yes or no option, the conclusions reached by couples almost invariably contain some level of compromise on behalf of both parties. An adult who is completely unwilling to compromise for joint decisions is thinking with a single-adult’s mindset.

In our family, “checking in” has become routine now, but it stems from a very serious traffic accident that occurred only weeks into our marriage. That first time that my husband did not arrive home from work in a timely manner led to our habit of always letting the other know where you are and when you are leaving. Recently my husband had an after-hours reward party with some of his co-workers. He called me even before committing to attending, just to make sure I had not planned an early dinner. I encouraged him to go have fun at the celebration because he had earned it as much as any member of his designing team, but I understood and appreciated why he checked in first. Some people may not have felt obliged to notify their spouses, but in our family, the courtesy is commonplace. The single adult has no need to check with anyone before making decisions; the single parent may only need to notify a baby-sitter in case of a delayed arrival.

An acquaintance of ours has recently built a new house and purchased all new furnishings for it, replacing everything that was lost in a major house fire. This acquaintance is currently single and has proven it with every decision and every purchase. Every construction detail and every appliance was chosen without regard for any other person. If this homeowner had been married, many of these choices may have had different outcomes. As I toured this new home, I saw many things that I would have preferred to have another way. I could see many decisions that my husband and I would have discussed and done differently, had it been our home, but for this homeowner, discussions and compromises were not Standard Operating Procedure.

The single parent who is blessed with another chance at marriage will once again have the opportunity to provide the role model of spouse to the children, but while still single, it is an extremely difficult pattern to portray. This is where the rest of us can help. I have frequently found myself in the position of being the only married parent that some of my children’s friends know personally. In those cases, I carefully watch how I live out that role, so that I can be an effective role model to them for what I feel a spouse should be. When an appropriate opportunity arises, I speak up and share my opinion of how situations are handled differently by a wife than by a mom, or by a husband than by a dad.

Television programs are often, unfortunately, the most listened to voices and most watched role models in the lives of our youngsters today. I doubt that a suitable role model for a spouse could be found anywhere on television. The characters portrayed do not usually submit to a Biblical system of authority, but are usually involved in comic role reversals, continual insults and criticism, and deceitful plots against each other. Men are seldom seen as strong heads of their households; more often, they are depicted as beer-drinking buffoons, interested only in sports, and who depend upon their wives to keep the children in line and the household running efficiently. Television programming is rarely considered to be purely fictional entertainment; instead, it has gone so far now as to redefine “reality” for us.

The importance of taking time to be together as a couple, aside from time spent as a family (with the children), is well documented and well publicized. What I am emphasizing is the importance of demonstrating that spousal role to my children throughout the daily routine, not limited to special events and date nights. As I go through my days, whenever an opportunity presents itself, I will point out to my daughter, my son, and now their significant-others the things that I feel are important for me as a wife and the things that are important for my spouse as a husband. As a wife, I respect my husband’s opinion, knowing that he often has greater insight than I do into certain facets of life. As a wife, I try to keep our home as a place of solace and respite from the industrial world where my husband spends his days. As a husband, he looks after the safety of his family, ensuring that we have reliable vehicles to drive and maintaining our home as a secure and cozy shelter. As a husband, he provides for our financial security through a good job and working additional hours to earn extra money when unexpected needs arise. Major decisions are discussed together, with input from our children when the outcome will affect the entire family, but the children need to see that those decisions are made as a team, since we are not independent individuals. The role of spouse means that I am a member of a slightly larger but more important group, the couple, and that I should not neglect my responsibilities to that group. I must repeat this–having a spouse requires that decisions should be made with concern for your spouse’s needs and desires. Married adults who make decisions without regard for their spouse’s welfare or opinion are at a very great risk of becoming single again.

As we strive to train up our children in the ways we feel are best, we should try to include all of the roles they will possibly fulfill in life. I am seeing more children growing up with a view of themselves as future parents, but I seldom hear them speaking of themselves as future spouses or expressing concern over what their future spouse might think of a given situation. It would be sad, indeed, to prepare our children to be parents without preparing them to be spouses at the same time.

Filed Under: Attitudes, Family Unity, Learning Outside the Books, Parenting, Role-Modeling
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