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Bottom 10 Worst Parts of Homeschooling

October 5, 2010 by 6 Comments

Seriously.

We all know that nothing could be as consistently rosy as the way magazine photo-spreads try to paint homeschooling or as unfailingly cheerful as the above-average homeschooler’s daily blog entries.

For those who are genuinely investigating homeschooling for their children’s education, I would be remiss if I did not caution you in advance about the uglier moments of homeschooling: the dark days that inevitably occur and that no one wants to confess. Forewarned is forearmed, as the old saying goes, so take this list to heart and prepare yourselves as much as possible to prevent these stumbling blocks from stopping you in your tracks.

10. Sibling warfare. It will happen, and it will happen when you least expect it and are least prepared for it. From making faces at each other to kicking under the table, from stealing pencils to full-on hurling books… or worse. It may be momentary or it could be an on-going problem. Even in the calmest of families, even in the most serene households, even between the best of friends-as-siblings. It’s a consequence of the day in, day out continuous routine that causes boredom, weariness, restlessness, and disillusionment. A closely related side-issue is whether or not students will cooperate with a parent-teacher and a mixed-ages homeschooling atmosphere, particularly if these students have previously attended “real” school.

Coping strategies: Take breaks as often as necessary to break the negative patterns before they gain a firm foothold and to refresh everyone’s heart, mind, and body. Use multiple study areas, if possible, giving your students enough physical separation to allow each one to focus on his own work. (Siblings as Best Friends offers a more in-depth look at conquering this trouble spot. Also be sure to check out Respect Must Be Earned, Disrespectful Kids, and Troublesome Students.) Chores can be interspersed with learning to provide quick exercise breaks while maintaining productivity. This can be extremely helpful for separating restless siblings — send one off to do a chore or two while the others continue to work at lessons. A strategically chosen task can make sitting down to a lesson much more attractive! And while we’re on the subject of chores…

9. Chores. Taking out the trash, cleaning the bathrooms, tidying the living areas. Feeding the dog, sweeping the floor, shoveling the front walk. Did you remember to do your job? Did you finish every step? Whose sock is that? Did you brush your teeth? Did you make your bed? Whose turn is it to empty the dishwasher?

Coping strategies: Use reminder lists or charts to teach your children the responsibility of getting things done without prompting. Mom, you have more important things to do with your time than constantly reminding your children to do their jobs. My rule-of-thumb was to save my energies for the higher skilled jobs that only Mom could do, and get over my perfectionist tendencies … relax my standards so that anyone else could do the lower skilled jobs. Use The Biblical Model of Discipleship to ensure each person knows how to do their chores, then walk away, and let them handle it. Tell yourself as often as necessary: it doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be done.

8. Housework. Cook, clean, wash, iron. Meals, dishes, laundry, vacuuming. Buy the food, freeze the food, thaw the food, cook the food. Gather the dirty laundry, shuffle the loads through the laundry process, restock the cleaned laundry. When is there time to teach? Plan a lesson? I’m supposed to plan lessons???

Coping strategies: Lower your Suzy Perfect Homemaker standards enough to allow your family members to help with all of the daily work. Treat yourselves to quick, easy meals on paper plates when your schedule gets crazy. Spread out the responsibility for chores and share the duties (re-read #9 above). Lessons don’t need to be planned down to the tiniest, word-for-word details. Spontaneous lessons will often be the most memorable ones. (Using Your Household Staff contains practical tips for squeezing more out of your busy, busy day. A Day Without Lessons shows how education lurks in the most unlikely places.)

7. Clutter. Books, books, and more books. Workbooks, worksheets, test papers, and writing assignments. Textbooks, teacher’s manuals, reading books, reference books. (When you envisioned your ideal homeschooling set-up, you didn’t picture this extensive home library, did you?) Pencils, erasers, scissors, rulers, markers, crayons. Art supplies, craft supplies, math manipulatives, maps, charts, and posters. Where can you possibly put it all, and how will you find what you’ve got when you need it?

Coping strategies: We started with a “cigar” box for each student’s personal writing supplies (my pencils, etc.). We purchased build-it-yourself bookcases and storage cupboards as our needs (and budget) increased. We added a few inexpensive plastic multi-drawer units to help control the growing collection of arts-and-crafts supplies. Basically, you’ll want to adapt each year as your needs change. I found a week at the start of summer to be a good time for sorting out what we wanted to keep from the past year and a day or two at the end of summer to be a good time for re-evaluating our needs for the upcoming year. The kids and I worked together to sort and toss and discuss what we had all learned, then rearrange and make plans and get prepared and excited for what would come next. Working together was key for us: the kids often had great ideas to try in our small porch-turned-schoolroom. Plus, the longer we were away from the public school atmosphere, the less we felt the need to separate his things from her things, and the more we felt the community, teamwork, and sharing spirit of family. (See Homeschool Gadgets: An Investment in Your future or a Waste of Money? for a unique look at what you do or don’t need.)

6. More clutter. Salt dough castles, vinegar and baking soda volcanoes, and eggshell mosaics. Oatmeal and salt box drum sets, tin can telephones, and paper plate clocks. Butterfly and moth specimens, leaf and wildflower collections, and rock and mineral displays. The educational value is undeniable, but does it need to occupy the entire kitchen table?

Coping strategies: Remember that a photo can be kept in a much smaller space than the actual salt-dough castle took up (or stashed invisibly in a computer file). My children were much more willing to take apart their fantastic K’Nex creations once we had taken photos of them. Digital cameras were not a part of our early days of homeschooling; now they seem like must-have equipment! Above all else, remind yourselves that the learning is the most important part of education, not the meaningless handprint art, not the endless worksheets filled with twaddle, not the vapid writing assignments given solely for the purpose of creating time-consuming busywork. Some lessons are learned at the first reading or the first explanation, freeing both student and teacher to move on to the next thing with no further ado. (People LIVE in This House offers encouragement to those of us who do not live inside magazine pictures! I Give One Grade: 100%–But You Get to Keep Trying Until You Get It points out that learning is learning, no matter how long it takes.)

5. Most clutter. Mounds of clean socks and underwear that haven’t yet been sorted. Last season’s clothing that needs a place to live until the weather changes back again. Outgrown clothing and that nagging pile of mending.

Coping strategies: I used my own chores as times to wean my students off of my constant attention and teach them to teach themselves. You work on this lesson while I go sew these buttons back on your shirts, and I’ll come check on you when I’m done. Kids can learn to do most household chores and be able to help out when needed — remember, many hands lighten the load. As for storing out-of-season items, you may want to consider adding storage shelves in the basement or garage, or evaluating which things really need to be kept. Teaching my children to donate good, usable items to thrift shops created a habit they have continued as adults. (Teach Your Students to Teach Themselves will give them more confidence and independence in their own lessons and give you a bit more time for switching laundry, starting supper, or visiting the bathroom… alone!)

4. Desperation. There will come a day around February or March when every member of the family has coughed, hacked, and sniffled his or her way right out of your heart. And that may also have been accompanied by vomiting, diarrhea, and fever. Mother Teresa herself would have been ready to throw in the towel, if it meant she could escape your home’s infirmary to a peaceful oasis free of sticky dishes, stinky laundry, smelly diapers, and drippy noses, even for a mere eight hour shift of answering someone else’s telephone, shuffling someone else’s papers, and just plain dealing with someone else’s dilemmas.

Coping strategies: Calling off school for a few days or a week can give everyone a blessed relief as you all try to recuperate. Get your strength back before you try to pick up the books again. Even if the latest virus is not to blame for your collective malaise, a day or two away from lessons can perk up spirits. Do a little spring cleaning, indulge in some retail therapy, declare a family game day, or call for a video marathon – whatever it takes to clear your heads and jump-start the enjoyment again. (See Reschedule, Refocus, Regroup for tips on perking up your schedule. Sick Days, Snow Days, and Other Interruptions offers welcome relief from the nagging feeling that you can’t stay home from homeschooling.)

3. Regrets. I shouldn’t have yelled. I should have been there. I should have left earlier. I shouldn’t have grounded him. I should have done a better job. I really should go. I should have taken them a casserole. I should have called her. I didn’t do enough. I did too much.

Coping strategies: Remind yourself that no one is perfect, then Do the Best Job You Can and Pray for God to Clean Up the Rest. Giving yourself a few moments to think before you make each decision can really improve the quality of those decisions and help you on the way toward Living Your Life with No Regrets.

2. Isolation. The other side of the socialization coin has to be endless days of seeing no one but your own family members. Tempers will flare without warning, boredom will soar to new heights, and lessons that seemed relatively simple will go misunderstood for no apparent reason. You will find yourselves waiting eagerly for a glimpse of the letter carrier’s face, delightedly anticipating a trip to the grocery store, and chatting like a giddy madman with total strangers in check-out lanes, just because you are amazingly grateful for the sound of another human voice and a new face to gaze upon, if only for a few seconds.

Coping strategies: You may need some fresh lesson ideas. See 10 Ways to Improve a Lesson and Back to Homeschool with New Ideas. Or it may be time to recognize The Value of Supplemental Activities. If you are forcing yourselves into isolation because you think you are required to spend every school day from 8am to 3pm indoors with your noses in books, please read “Why Aren’t You in SCHOOL?”

And finally, the absolute worst, most discouraging facet to homeschooling—

1. Lack of guidance. Parents who remove their children from institutional schools will feel this more acutely than any others. How do I learn how to homeschool? What do my children already know? What do they not know? How can I tell the difference? Which math program is best? How well does he read? What about grammar? Should I teach history chronologically, geographically, or alphabetically?

Coping strategies: No one can (or should) give you a blanket summary of buy this program and it will fulfill all of your educational needs forever, since each of your children is different from the others, and they each have varied learning needs and academic interests which may change somewhat over time. Careful observation and good Mommy-instincts should tell you when a student is struggling to understand and when he is just plain bored and ready to move on because he already understands this material and it contains no challenge for him. Simple supplemental activities can adapt your present curriculum to your students’ learning styles, enabling each student to learn the lessons through his unique processing abilities. Answers to all other questions (well, many of them anyway) can be found here at Guilt-Free Homeschooling. Start with these articles:
So You Think You’re Not Smart Enough to Homeschool
Questions from a First-time Homeschooler
Surviving the First Year of Homeschooling After Leaving Public School
Curriculum Choices and Shoe Shopping, an Analogy
Meatball Education: Filling in the Potholes of Public School
Every Day Is a Learning Day, and Life Is Our Classroom
10 Ways to Ease into Homeschooling

Despite these downside aspects, homeschooling is absolutely the best thing you will ever do for your family! The intense contact of homeschooling will not just benefit your children, it can strengthen the entire family unit. Don’t let a few negative things keep you from trying the biggest positive of all, putting your children’s education on the right track.

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Encouragement for Parents, Family Unity, Home Chores, Homeschool How-To's, Homeschooling as a Lifestyle, Leaving Public School, Top 10 (and other) Lists

Why Does Math Class Take SO LONG?

September 24, 2009 by 6 Comments

Homeschooling families often have this lament: My child takes f-o-r-e-v-e-r to do math each day! Can anything be done??? Let’s consider for a moment exactly what the student is being asked to do, to see if we can understand why it takes so much time. (Please note: I will use he/him/his as generic pronouns; all of this applies equally to girls and boys.)

Beginning students are learning the fine art of manipulating numbers to learn the processes of adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing, and learning new number-languages called fractions, decimals, percentages, measurements, and on and on. You, the parent/teacher, are probably performing calculations with a minimum of fifteen to twenty years’ experience, quite likely much more. What seems incredibly plain and simple to you may in reality be incredibly confusing to your student.

Nearly every math lesson will present the student with a new concept, or at least an expansion of a previously learned concept. This means that the student must 1) study the new idea to grasp its meaning, 2) compare this new information to his previous knowledge to see how they relate to each other, 3) experiment with a few sample problems to test out the new concept and prove his understanding of it, 4) proceed to complete the remainder of the lesson’s required problem set, which may include both problems from today’s new concept and problems from previously learned lessons as review material. Steps 1-3 can be prolonged and repeated through discussions with the teacher (you) to insure that the student understands the new material fully. Examples may be drawn on paper, chalkboard, or whiteboard. Manipulatives may be used for grouping and regrouping. Graphs, charts, geometric figures, angles, and other mathematical illustrations may be incorporated. Teaching a math lesson in a way that your student will understand it completely can take time. Once the lesson has been understood, the student must mentally review the concepts again with each problem to make sure he understands the process as he is working his way through all of the day’s assigned problems.

In contrast, a grammar lesson may ask the student to write a sentence using an action verb, and the student looking for shortcuts may respond with “Jim sat.” It has a subject and a verb, it shows action, and it meets all the requirements. However, math requires exactness. There are few, if any, shortcuts to be taken in math. Mathematical calculations have concrete solutions: one and only one answer. Every operation must be exact, every digit must be accurate, and every calculation must be done completely, in order for the outcome to be correct.
4321
+765
___6Wrong. Shortcuts do not work in math.

Some may argue that calculators provide shortcuts, but I will counter that calculators should not be used until higher math, and then only as a time-saving device by the student who is fully capable of doing the work accurately without the aid of a calculator. In the words of my favorite college math teacher, “[Calculators] are stupid. They are machines that can only do exactly what you tell them to do.” The student who accidentally pushes the wrong button will get the wrong answer. I know. I did it. On a final exam. My paper showed that I had executed the problem correctly, but in my haste to complete the problem quickly, I hit the wrong button on a very, very, very simple calculation and achieved the wrong final answer. My gracious teacher gave me partial credit for using the correct process, but his point was made forever that using a calculator does not automatically provide success. Every keystroke must be verified by an alert mind. My haste ruined what would have been a perfect score on my final — disappointing, to say the least.

Back when I was plugging my way through elementary math, I had a teacher who required perfection, not merely correctness. She was a bitter old shrew of a woman who had been encouraged to stay in a classroom long past her prime and had lost all compassion for the children placed under her authoritative control; but I digress. A math problem can be solved correctly without perfectly formed digits or immaculately aligned numbers, and the existence of erasure marks on the paper has little to do with the accuracy (or inaccuracy) of the answers. When my children began doing math problems that included multiple columns of numbers, I bought them spiral notebooks of graph paper to use for their daily assignments. They could write one digit in each quarter-inch box, and the boxes kept the digits perfectly aligned. My students could focus on the place values as they copied the numbers for the problems, and then successfully solve the equation without being sidetracked by wondering if a wayward digit rightfully belonged in the tens’ column or the hundreds’ column.

Math is a sequential subject: each lesson builds upon each lesson before it. If foundational skills have been rushed and are not fully understood, each subsequent lesson will become harder and harder to grasp. Do not push your youngsters to make progress in math simply for the sake of turning pages. Be certain that each student knows what he is doing before allowing him to move on to the next concept. However, many enjoyable games and activities can be used to reinforce math concepts and provide practice with fun — and using math means learning math, even if you are playing a game and having fun.

Let’s focus for a moment on your particular student. Does his learning style allow him to absorb new information easily when he reads it the first time? Or does your student benefit from an oral discussion with you and some Q & A about the subject matter? Perhaps your student is more hands-on and doesn’t really get the concept until he can play with some math manipulatives, moving them around, grouping and regrouping, sorting and re-sorting, counting and recounting? (That’s why they’re called “manipulatives,” by the way, because you can manipulate them.) And let’s not forget that kinesthetic student whose brain goes numb when his seat makes contact with the chair’s seat — he may need to be on his feet, stretching his muscles through every minute of his math lesson, but that physical action guarantees that his brain is revved up and tuned in — not at all what classroom models need you to believe. A student whose learning style is not being utilized will be a student who is easily distracted from the subject at hand. Touch his learning style and you will gain his attention.

One last consideration is the amount of work set forth in your student’s textbook. All textbooks are not created equal, and especially not math texts. The number of problems required with each day’s lesson may change from day to day in certain books, and it will surely change from year to year, but it especially changes from publisher to publisher. When my high school student was using a math textbook that assigned 30 problems per day, her friends’ math textbook from a different publisher assigned 100 problems per day for the same grade level. I repeat: All textbooks are not created equal, and especially not math texts. Our book’s daily 30-problem set offered a variety of problems, using a method of continual review over past concepts. The 100-problems-per-day book offered no such variety: all 100 problems were of the exact same type. Is it any wonder that students can become bored and tired of doing math?

Math does take time. Math will probably be the subject that eats up the largest segment of your homeschool day. However, if your student is sitting idly, hour after hour, staring at a math lesson but not completing it, there are most likely several causes at work.

1) A lack of foundational arithmetic skills. A child who cannot recognize specific digits for their representative amounts cannot perform addition. A child who does not know addition facts cannot perform subtraction or progress on to multiplication. A child who does not know multiplication facts cannot perform division. A child who does not know multiplication facts will not fully understand fractions and, therefore, will also not understand decimals, percentages, or measurements.

2) The student has not understood the lesson concepts or is confused by them. This is often due to the student’s learning style. This is not a disability, just a difference in how each of us takes in and processes information. Some people take in information through their eyes, some through their ears, others through their fingers, and still others through their larger muscles of arms and legs. Seriously. Touch his learning style and you will grab his attention.

3) The textbook may be too aggressive (moving too quickly for the student’s pace) or just plain too boring in how it presents the material. While much of math is often taught through drill, drill, drill, I do not know anyone who would choose to learn anything through repetitive and boring drills if there was a more interesting alternative available.

Allow enough teaching time and a variety of teaching methods to be sure your student understands each lesson concept completely. Allow your student to talk things out, work with manipulatives, or run a lap after every problem to keep his muscles-to-brains connection engaged. Allow your restless student to take breaks while working his math problems, knowing that you, too, would break up a long and tedious task into shorter segments, if it did not hold your rapt attention. Math does take time, but the flexibility of Guilt-Free Homeschooling allows you to conquer it with the methods that work best for your family.

For more tips, see also —

Looking for the “Hard Part”

10 Fun Math Exercises from a BINGO Game

Sugar Cube Math

Alternate Methods for Teaching Math

Topical Index: Math

Topical Index: Learning Styles

Filed Under: Encouragement for Parents, Homeschool How-To's, Math, Roadblocks to Learning

Back to Homeschool with New Ideas

August 13, 2009 by 9 Comments

Back to School signs are everywhere. The stores are stocked with new boxes of crayons, new notebooks, and new backpacks. If you are not quite ready for the next semester to begin, it may be because you feel insufficiently prepared for it yourself. Where are the new school supplies for you — maybe some new coping skills, a new supply of encouragement, and a new box of ideas?

If you are a First-Time Homeschoolerand are beginning with a preschooler or Kindergartner, these articles contain the coping skills you need for this new task ahead of you.

For those of you who are Leaving Public Schoolto begin homeschooling, the following articles will give you a generous dose of encouragement.

Perhaps you have been teaching your own children for a while now, but feel that you are Stuck in a Homeschool Rut. Here are some fresh ideas to break the boredom and put a little life into your tedious routine.

Maybe you have just “hit the wall.” You’ve come to the end of yourself, and you don’t know where to turn next. You love the idea of homeschooling, but you just can’t find one more lesson inside yourself.

No matter what your homeschooling status, be assured that you are not alone. Guilt-Free Homeschooling is here to help you with a comforting hug, a large dose of encouragement, a bonus scoop of confidence, and answers to your questions. Let’s have a great year together!

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Encouragement for Parents, Leaving Public School, Preschoolers

Why Choose Homeschooling?

May 15, 2009 by 8 Comments

When the tomatoes at your local market are less than desirable, you may start looking elsewhere for your produce. No one intentionally shops for tomatoes that are unripe, hard, and green, or worse, bruised and blemished. If the supermarket produce is less than satisfactory, consumers may turn to a specialty grocer, the weekly farmer’s market, or start their own garden plot at home in the backyard or in a few pots on the patio or balcony.

A similar phenomenon is happening with education. Consumers (parents), who have become dissatisfied with the educational product of the mainstream schools, are turning to other means for their children’s academics, including the do-it-yourself method, homeschooling.

My husband and I turned to homeschooling because of health reasons: our daughter suffered from migraine headaches, and the school nurse didn’t believe us or our doctors. My daughter’s frequent absences were a problem with the school’s administration, although her grades never slipped, since I was able to tutor her at home and keep her on track with the rest of the students. Meanwhile, I had noticed that the classroom’s progress was not ideal. The teacher got important concepts wrong and was unable to teach critical math skills. This ineffectual teaching forced us to take matters into our own hands. Literally. I do not have a teaching degree, but I quickly realized that I could certainly do no worse than our local elementary school was already doing.

Our reasons for homeschooling are not unique. A survey of homeschooling families today would reveal many who are motivated by their children’s health concerns or special needs issues. Another, larger group would say they are dissatisfied with the quality of education provided by today’s schools, both public and private. Those parents who are re-teaching the material to their child every night, as I was, cannot help but see that they are already the primary educator of that child; they just have the worst time slot of the day in which to do it. Classroom size and the related student-to-teacher ratios, the disappearance of fine arts programs, and sex and violence in the schools are sub-topics of the “quality of education” issue.

A few more families would list flexibility as their primary reason for choosing homeschooling: students can pursue a variety of individual activities, while still maintaining their academic endeavors. Today’s homeschooled students may very well be tomorrow’s Olympic champions or symphony musicians, since the freedom of a homeschool schedule allows more time to focus on one’s passions. Childcare concerns, changes in the job market, and relocation of the family also depend on the flexibility of homeschooling to help families maintain stability during lifestyle changes.

Some families opt for homeschooling after the government schools have failed to meet their students’ needs. Some families are able to decide before preschool (or even sooner) that they want to keep their children at home for school. Some families homeschool for only a year or two, while others prefer home education from preschool through high school and even on into college-at-home. The duration is determined by the family’s preference, just as the methods and materials used are also each family’s choice.

I am often asked about the benefits of homeschooling, a difficult question simply because of the vast range of its answers. First and foremost, I see the improved relationship of the family as the chief benefit, even before any academic advantages are considered. Parents and children bond as teacher and students in a way that non-homeschooling families just cannot understand. The freedom and flexibility of the homeschooling schedule allow for spontaneous family activities, all of which have educational benefits, whether obvious (or intended) or not. That relaxed schedule is a tremendous boon to most families — the opportunity to do things in whatever order or method works best for each family and each student (which, incidentally, is the philosophy of Guilt-Free Homeschooling: homeschooling should be comfortable, relaxed, and fit your family’s lifestyle).

The one-on-one attention that homeschooling provides is far superior to any classroom. Even large families are able to provide individual attention to each student when he needs it, along with the training in independent learning, which prepares homeschooled students for handling college classes (and life in general) on their own. Parents of special needs students find that no teacher, no matter how well trained, can know the student or love the student as well as the parent can. The parent who has lived with the special needs child 24/7 since birth understands more and at a deeper level than a teacher who is hired to cover seven hours a day, five days a week, nine months of the year.

Homeschooling is extremely popular with conservative Christian families, although it is practiced by families of every religious and political persuasion. Besides the reasons of academic excellence and personalization, homeschooling allows families to emphasize their own philosophies and worldviews. Government-mandated curricula are often based on evolutionary principles, which are diametrically opposed to Creationists’ beliefs. Homeschooling allows these families to use materials that support their beliefs, such as that life is sacred and a precious gift from God, the Creator. Government-funded schools do not allow prayer and do not teach the Bible, even as literature, although many anti-Christian religious philosophies and practices are now showing up in those same schools under the guise of “diversity.” Families for whom personal Christianity is the guiding force in their lives want to see their children educated with God-centered principles, a Creationist viewpoint, and a Biblical worldview. They will not accept submitting their children to antithetical teaching day in and day out.

Homeschooling is not a fad, although some people treat it as such. Public schools, sponsored by a government, are the “new kid on the block.” Personal tutoring had been the educational standard for centuries, until the time of the American Civil War, when it became fashionable to apply industrial methods to education by grouping local children together for academic efficiency. The homeschooling movement, in general, is providing a return to excellence and individuality in education, a return to a focus on the family as an institution in society, and a return to individual responsibility as a primary duty of citizenship. In this postmodern era, some old-fashioned homeschooling is just what this world needs.

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Encouragement for Parents, Homeschool v. Public School, Leaving Public School

Are You an “Over-Protective” Mom?

April 29, 2009 by 1 Comment

I hear this from concerned, young moms all the time: “My friends tell me I’m an over-protective Mom.” I suspect your friends are wrong. What you are is a Mom — period. You should not be penalized or chastised for simply doing your job to the best of your ability. Neither should you lower your standards to match those of your acquaintances who may have chosen to offer their children on the sacrificial altar of peer pressure.

How many people would consider the following to be over-protective?

  • Mom wants to have a say in what her child is taught.
  • Mom wants to have a say in when he is taught it.
  • Mom wants to have a say in what friends her child associates with.
  • Mom wants to have a say in when he associates with them.
  • Mom wants to have a say in what type of food her child eats.
  • Mom wants her child to avoid substances that will cause him to suffer allergic reactions.
  • Mom wants her child to be safe from harmful substances.
  • Mom wants her child to be safe from harmful influences.
  • Mom wants her child to be safe from harmful situations.
  • Mom wants her child’s needs to be met in a reasonable manner and time period.
  • Mom wants her child to know unrestrained love.

Just in case you are not sure how to answer the above question, let me broaden the subject a little bit. Suppose that instead of talking about an ordinary Mom, we are discussing the owner of a business:

  • The employer insists that his staff members learn to do their projects to his standards.
  • The employer insists that his staff members complete their projects according to his schedule.
  • The employer insists on hiring only staff members who exhibit a work ethic similar to his own.
  • The employer insists on establishing safety regulations and further insists that all employees follow those regulations.
  • The employer insists on approving the production materials that are used.
  • The employer insists on exercising his right to reward superior performance.

Essentially, a Mom performs all the same general functions that a business owner does, but the businessman is usually praised by his peers for his efforts to achieve excellence in productivity. The Mom is, unfortunately, scolded by her peers as being over-protective.

  • Where the employer may be seen as caring and compassionate, Mom is considered “smothering.”
  • Where an employer may be considered efficient, Mom is called “dictatorial.”
  • When an employer chooses high standards to produce an excellent product, a Mom, doing exactly the same thing for the same reasons, is often regarded as “too picky” and “a perfectionist.”

Moms, take a good, long, serious look at your principles and your standards and your reasons for choosing them. If those standards and principles were applied in a business setting, would they be praised by your customers and envied by your competitors? If your methods would be lauded for their excellence by the business world, then you can tell your critics to go find someone else to harass, because you will no longer be listening to them. (Then walk away with your fingers in your ears to prove that they have lost their audience.)

As just another Mom myself, I understand that caring Moms are not trying to control their universe; they are simply trying to do what is best for their children’s well-being. No sane mother wants to see her child kept isolated on a silken pillow as an object of adoration. On the contrary, mothers have hopes and dreams and aspirations for whatever level of success each child will attain, and every sane mother knows that this success cannot be achieved without hard work. Hard work means struggles, and those struggles come from encountering difficulties. Therefore, mothers actually want their children to confront and overcome certain difficulties, since that means that they are on the road to success.

Our job as Moms means that we act as road maps, traffic cops, crossing guards, and travel guides to help our children learn where to go, how to go, when it will be safe to go there, and how to get around once they arrive. Anyone who sees that as being “over-protective” is in the same category as those who feel automotive seat belts, traffic lights, and speed limits are “restrictive” infringements on their self-expression.

A caring Mom keeps her children from being side-tracked away from the truly important issues. A diligent Mom keeps her children moving in the proper direction and at a pace appropriate to the circumstances. A conscientious Mom is not being over-protective: she is doing her job and doing it well. Go, then, and do your job as a Mom, raising your children to the best of your ability. You have my approval.

If you enjoyed this article, you may also enjoy Standing Up Against “The Lie”.

Filed Under: Doing Your "Best", Encouragement for Parents, Family Unity, Parenting

Becoming a Successful and Proud Quitter

March 16, 2009 by 4 Comments

[This article was written by Jennifer (Morrison) Leonhard: Guilt-Free daughter and homeschool graduate.]

My mom (your usual Guilt-Free Homeschooling author) and I recently spoke at a homeschool conference. In one of our workshops, a mother commented that although she and her husband know the school system in which their child is currently enrolled is failing their child in several subjects, they did not want to pull him out to homeschool until the following fall because they do not want to set a bad example for him of quitting.

***Let’s take a reality check time-out here. By leaving the child in a school system that is not teaching him, or that is teaching him incorrectly, what you, the parent, are teaching him is that quitting is not ok, but failing is awesome.***

One of the most important lessons that we learned during our first year of homeschooling was that sometimes quitting is the best thing you can do for your family. This is not to say that quitting is always the solution to a bad situation, but as a society we shun the idea of quitting as if it were a sign of failure. However, if you are already failing, sometimes it is because you have not quit something that you should not have done to begin with.

For example, at one point our family was a part of several homeschool groups at once, and we were going to every event, meeting, play date, field trip, and class day that came up in every one of them. We were over-committed, frustrated, and undernourished in good old-fashioned study and family time. Realizing that we didn’t have to be at every event, or a part of every group in the area gave us more time to concentrate on what parts of education were important to our family — and honestly, sometimes the best field trips are the ones you find yourselves on topics your family is interested in, and in a time frame that works best for, again, your family.

This idea transitions to real, grown-up life, too. I have grown up to be a manager in several retail environments. I was a sales leader in my company and was promoted to management, and when I changed jobs, I was asked to be a manager again after a very short time of being an average joe. After nearly a year and a half of being a manager at the second location, I found myself frustrated that I was never seeing my husband, since we were both too involved in our jobs. I was not getting enough time with the rest of my family — I had to hire my brother and invite him to live with us just to be able to see him once in a while (huge blessing, although it took a little transitioning). And my focus in life was just not where I wanted it to be in the big picture. However, I felt pressure from my bosses that to leave my position for any reason beyond moving away or finding a more profitable job, would be failure. One weekend, filled with tears because it was the first time in 6 weeks that I had much time to see my husband, under huge pressure from work to spend extended hours at the store on a rare weekend off, and under the looming deadline of the homeschool conference that was really a highlight to my year (but for which I had no time to even delight in its proximity), I made the decision that would best benefit my health and my family — I had to quit. At first I felt shame, that I had failed, that I was a “quitter.” I wondered how my friends and extended family would view this decision.

Looking back on my life, though, I saw a lot of situations in which it had benefited our family that we had quit something. Whether it was a textbook that was not suited to our needs, an activity or group that did not fit our schedule, or a day that simply was not going well and we all just needed a day off before diving back into the normal routine, there were many times when quitting was the best thing we ever did for our family. Since having left my position a little over a month ago, I have such a joy that cannot be compared. It was the right decision for my family — and sure, my bosses thought it was a mistake, but it felt really good when they asked me to rethink my decision. They did not think I was a failure, they asked me back because they felt I was a success. There are many times in life when quitting may be a bad decision, having one bad day may not constitute a valid reason for quitting, but there are other times when it can lead to great freedom and joy, and even other opportunities that are better for you and your family. Do not let the word “quit” scare you away from a different opportunity that may equal success.

Filed Under: Encouragement for Parents, Encouraging Your Student, Family Unity, Homeschool How-To's, Homeschooling as a Lifestyle, Leaving Public School

21 Things That Can Slow Homeschooling Progress

January 5, 2009 by 3 Comments

Typically, homeschoolers talk about the blessings and benefits of homeschooling, which are myriad. However, sometimes Life throws us a curveball — and once in a while, several curveballs — too many to deal with casually as part of the normal course of events. If you have found yourself the unwitting recipient of these circumstances, you may be worrying that your family is just not progressing with homeschooling as quickly as you should or even as well as you used to do. If you feel you are on the verge of a homeschool breakdown, the cause may not necessarily be something you are doing wrong — it may just be due to too many complex situations occurring at the same time or in rapid succession. The following list of unique situations may contain some of the things your family has experienced that you previously had not considered as being directly related to your rate of academic progress (or lack of progress).

1. Homeschooling for the first time
2. Leaving public or private school to switch to homeschooling
3. A reluctant learner who balks at the idea of schoolwork in general
4. An eager learner who wants to explore extensively into each topic
5. Pregnancy
6. Childbirth
7. Adoption
8. An infant
9. A toddler
10. A special needs child
11. A chronic illness or other health crisis affecting any family member
12. A severe injury requiring extended recovery or rehabilitation for any family member
13. An elderly parent/grandparent who needs care or must be moved to a care facility
14. Extensive property damage from fire, flood, or natural disaster
15. A legal or financial crisis
16. A job change
17. Moving to a different home
18. A wedding
19. A divorce
20. A death in the family
21. Miscarriage or stillbirth

Please note that this list is not complete. You may be experiencing some things that are not listed here and yet have been just as devastating to your “normal” routine. If your family has experienced more than one of these items in the past year or in consecutive years, please consult the article Top 10 Benefits of Homeschooling with Grace and Topical Index: Doing Your “Best” and Topical Index: Encouragement for Parents for some much-needed comfort and uplifting encouragement. If you have reason to anticipate any of these events in your foreseeable future, try to plan ahead as much as is humanly possible in order to prepare yourselves for the upcoming event and its schedule-altering effects. Please note that some of these factors cannot be predicted at all, some will last only a few months, but others may continue for years or for a lifetime (such as a special needs child).

Above all else, know that when your family encounters the types of situations listed above, your children will have experienced Life up-close and personally, and that in itself is an education that no textbook can provide!

Filed Under: Doing Your "Best", Encouragement for Parents, Family Unity, Homeschooling as a Lifestyle, Roadblocks to Learning, Top 10 (and other) Lists
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