A Homeschool Success Story: Teaching a 5th Grader to Read

We had pulled our children out of public school with my daughter starting fifth grade and my son beginning first grade. My daughter had been taught to “read” with this farce: when you come to a word you do not know, think of a word that begins with the same sound as the first letter of the unknown word, and if it fits in the sentence, it is probably right. Wrong. As I evaluated her reading ability, I realized she was guessing at more words than she was reading — and guessing incorrectly. She would use most of the letter-sounds in a word, but pronounce them in random order, a process which could lead the unsuspecting to cry “Dyslexia!” But I knew better. She was a very bright child who had grown slower and more despondent with each year of public schooling. She caught on to activities done at home with lightning speed, but the formal education lessons just did not take.

I had learned to read in first grade through a very thorough phonics program and was teaching my young son phonics as well, so I quickly recognized that my dear daughter had not had the benefit of learning to “sound out” entire words, even though she obviously knew the letter sounds. Her government school had pushed reading activities, using the read-as-many-books-as-possible-this-month rallies. Whenever that came along, my daughter would go back through the little children’s storybooks we owned, rereading them year after year, instead of pursuing new reading material. Reading familiar things was obviously much easier and more comfortable for her than the effort involved in tackling anything new.

Trying desperately not to bruise the psyche of this sensitive 10-year-old, I suggested that perhaps we needed to expand her reading capabilities by teaching her a new method for discovering how to read unknown words. Our supervising teacher that year was a close friend and (coincidentally) special education teacher who recommended her favorite remedial phonics system — a 2-week “crash course” in phonics for older students. (Ironic, isn’t it, that the “special ed” kids eventually get taught phonics, but the “normal” ones never do?) Although I knew my daughter’s capabilities well enough not to suspect learning disabilities, I knew she needed help — and fast, before she got discouraged with homeschooling and a mom who corrected her whenever she read a word incorrectly. It was a complete shock to me at that time that she had gone so many years in public school without anyone noticing that she was not reading at grade level (in 5th grade, she was accurately reading only the words for 2nd grade level). That revelation was the point when whatever faith I had left in free government education went swirling down the drain.

I bought the recommended book (Mary Pecci’s At Last! A Reading Method for Every Child), took my daughter through the 2-week crash course, and then thought “Now what?” Seeing she needed more practice to reinforce her newly learned skills, I grabbed my son’s phonics book for a guide and wrote my own remedial phonics practice sheets for fifth grade “beginning” phonics. I made up word games and puzzles to make the lessons fun and yet challenging. After I felt she had gained enough skill and confidence (and could actually read big new words), I challenged her to go back to one of the books she had “read” several times and read it again, this time sounding out the difficult words. I was confident that she would see the change in how many words she had guessed at before, but I was not prepared for her response: “Mom, you ruined this story! It’s a whole different book now!” However, her emotion was based more in surprise than anger, because she also realized how poor her reading skills had been. She also saw that her newfound ability to break a word into syllables and sound them out meant that no word in the world was too difficult for her now. We pulled long words out of the dictionary and chemical names from shampoo labels and she correctly read them all. Her desire to read Little Golden Books was quickly transferred to long chapter books, and the bookshelves in her bedroom grew heavy with her expanding collection of favorites.

Once reading was no longer a struggle, her schoolwork became a challenge for me as I was pressed to keep up with her, checking her work and reading over her assignments. During Christmas break of her 7th grade year, she calmly asked if I had ordered her 8th grade English book yet. Baffled as to why she would care nine months early, I said that no, of course I had not ordered next year’s book yet — why would she ask such a silly question? Her reply left me speechless: “Because I just finished the 7th grade book and I’m ready to start the next one.” I ordered the book.

She continued at that pace, to graduate from high school ten days before her 17th birthday — sixteen years old, with 7 credit hours at the community college in chemistry and English composition. She has now graduated from a 4-year college with a Bachelor of Arts in Business Administration — at age 20. Another day I will tell you about my son who just graduated from Homeschool High with 26 hours of college credits.

Siblings as Best Friends

Siblings as Best Friends follows right on the heels of The Family as a Team. Let me first explain my viewpoint on this topic. I grew up as the last of four children, five years younger than my nearest sibling. We were all spaced out over twelve years, a little more room between children each time, leaving me with little in common with my brother and sisters other than parents. Sibling rivalry was rampant, picking-on-the-little-kid was tolerated, and I was miserable. Fast-forward to the point in time when all of us became married adults. My nearest sibling and I became friends for the first time — twenty years behind schedule. When I recognized this wasted relationship and realized that we could have been friends much sooner, I determined not to let my own children waste that time in their own lives.

In teaching my children the lessons of taking turns in game-playing and how playing by the rules is fair to all players, I also tried to teach them that playing the game is fun for the whole time, while winning or losing the game only lasts for a moment. I explained over and over to them how my sister and I never enjoyed playing together as children because we were so hung up on things that did not really matter. We could not see through children’s eyes that friends will come and go, but siblings are forever. My children are not perfect examples, but they do get along most of the time. They have seen friends move away, they have matured at different rates from their friends, they have developed different interests from their friends, and through it all they have recognized that a sibling is always there. Siblings will be there to play with or talk with when no one else is around. If your children can develop solid friendships with their siblings, they will be giving themselves the gift of friends for life.

Sibling rivalry is reportedly at its peak between the ages of 4 and 8. Bear that in mind as you encourage your children to grow and mature and learn to understand their younger siblings’ maturity levels. We parents, myself included, often fall into the trap of expecting the oldest child to be more responsible than his age allows, but we also tend to neglect teaching responsibility to our younger children, allowing them to slide along as Oldest Child assumes the burden of leadership. I am a firm believer that explanations to children, giving reasons why behavior is acceptable or unacceptable, go much farther towards improving the behavior than just a simple “thanks” or “stop that.”

A very vital part of developing sibling friendships is not tolerating torture. If those little people are to become friends and remain friends, they cannot be allowed to pick on each other. Ridicule is out. Incessant tickling is out as well — as a former target of tickling myself, I consider it to be a form of child abuse. Parents, take a good look at the behavior between siblings (or between parents/adults and children as well) and analyze the motivation behind that behavior. Is it encouraging and strengthening to their relationship? Or does it stem from jealousy? A wonderful by-product of sibling friendships is seen when one stands up for another to a third-party antagonizer. If you do not defend your sibling, who will? And if they do not stand up for you, who will?

What better way to demonstrate Biblical principles and God’s agape love than to point out selfish, unacceptable behavior for the sin that it is and then replace it with true Love. “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13 NASB) Use the opportunity to show your children the scriptures and remind them of how Jesus put His own needs and desires after those of others. Jesus did not demand His own way: He served.

Now a quick word about “extended” families: We have discovered recently that college roommates can become new siblings. When children have mastered sibling relationships, they are able to go off to college and successfully reside in a small dormitory room with total strangers. They simply treat the strangers as “new siblings I haven’t met before.” The college roommates do not always come with the siblings-as-friends philosophy as standard equipment, but they can catch on quickly! My daughter’s college friends (male or female) and roommates responded very well to being included as new members of our family. Sadly, many had never been treated with respect before in a family situation and loved the idea of not being ridiculed or picked on.

Learning to Walk — Seen as a New Lesson

Do you remember when you were teaching little Johnny how to walk? He would grip your hands with all his might, rock and teeter on his shaky legs, and wobble forward with one reluctant foot while the other remained behind, planted firmly but not really lending support to the Herculean effort being attempted. Eventually, those little feet learned which direction they were supposed to point, the leg muscles strengthened and coordinated their actions, resulting in step after step after step. Still a few attempts failed, bringing the whole body down with a jarring thud, only to be met with the determination and concentrated effort that propelled little Johnny once again to his feet and across the room to your waiting arms. You scooped him up in a giant bear hug, smothered him with kisses, and squealed with delight, “You DID it! You walked to Mommy! I KNEW you could do it!”

Now apply that picture to the latest lesson you are trying to teach homeschooler Johnny. Assure him that you know he can do this. Hold him tight until he gains his footing — do not let go too soon. Expect a few failures along the way, but do not take them to mean all is lost. Help him back up, dust him off, point him in the right direction, and allow him to try again — even if it means he might fall again. Not one of us here today is walking on our own without countless falls in our past. Success has been simplified to “getting back up,” and so it is with homeschooling. We will all fall. Those of us who have succeeded have simply refused to stay down.

Give Credit Where Credit Is Due

List credit on your student’s high school transcript for non-traditional classes. It may not be a “recognized” curriculum title, but if it is a learned skill that they have developed, it proves they have the ability to teach themselves.

For example, if the student has devoted considerable time to an independent project (stamp-collecting, designing/making beaded bracelets, training horses, digital photo-editing, etc), think up a course title and write an appropriate description for it, listing any reference books as “texts used.” Include out-of-classroom work as well, such as seminars attended, etc. The “course descriptions” page of their transcript will provide the complete explanation. (If you are interested in how to write a transcript, see Transcript Writing.)

Listening to CSN radio (or to your pastor’s Sunday teaching) counts as Bible class; just because you have always listened to it, and would listen to it anyway, does not mean it should be overlooked as a “credit” course. The same applies to AWANAs, Sunday School, Royal Rangers, or similar structured classes your students attend.

Mastery vs. Perfection

There is a difference. Mastery focuses on the big picture and ignores insignificant details. Perfection gets sidetracked on minute details, while often missing the bigger picture entirely.

In our homeschool we strive for mastery by trying to learn the concepts offered. I only give one grade, it is 100%, and you get to keep trying until you have achieved it. The point of going over a lesson more than once is to ensure that the concepts have been grasped. This does not mean that the student is force-fed the same lesson over and over in the same way until the skull gives way and accepts the information. Instead, I try to explain and illustrate the lesson in as many different ways as possible, until the little light bulb above the student’s head finally comes on. This also means that I, as the teacher, fully have to understand the concept being taught, so that I can effectively pass it on to my students. Sometimes that has meant that I studied the math book ahead of time and taught myself the lesson first, before I was capable of passing on the information. (Saxon‘s Advanced Math was a continual race as I hurried to keep problem sets done ahead of my son, knowing that if he ever hit a snag, I did not want him to have to wait while I learned the past 30 lessons in order to understand this one.)

Perfection would recopy math problems until each digit was perfectly identical to all others of its type. Perfection would wear holes into the paper erasing seemingly minor imperfections, and then desire to recopy the entire paper because the holes were unacceptable. Perfection would never finish a single assignment, because true perfection can never be attained this side of heaven.

Please, Parents, in all your efforts to raise well-behaved, highly motivated, excellent children, please do not inflict them with the curse of perfectionism. Allow your children to leave a project “as is” rather than stressing out over unimportant details. Help them to notice things in real life that are not perfect, but function just as well in spite of their imperfections. Encourage your children to do their best, while at the same time reinforcing the concept that their best is what is desired, not someone else’s best. If we are each doing our own best, we can be pleased with our efforts and have no reason to feel disappointed or ashamed of our achievements.

I Give One Grade: 100% — But You Get to Keep Trying Until You Get It

A lesson learned is a lesson learned. We will not move on until you know it, but also we will move on as soon as you have learned it. If you know to start a sentence with a capital letter and put a period at the end, you probably do not need to do that for all 6 pages in the workbook!

If the child has learned the lesson, does it really matter how he/she learned it? It is the final results we are after: learning is learning no matter how long it takes. Did you read The Chronicles of Narnia or C.S. Lewis’ rough drafts of them? Did you wear the dress with the collar put on backwards, or did you fix it first? Did you give away batches of burned cookies for Christmas gifts or bake new ones? I give only one “grade” in our homeschool: it’s 100%, and you get to keep trying until you have made it. That does not always mean re-writing the math problems until they are perfect; it means we go over the concept until you have understanding. (Some kids need to write it, others just need to understand it.)

A public middle-school teacher (acting as the supervising teacher) recommended that a homeschool family not list any grade lower than an “A” on their transcripts or other official records. Her reasons: “The work your children are doing is far above the level of what their counterparts are doing in public school. Also, you are finishing every book — we never finish a book. Therefore, your children would be considered ‘A’ students in public school.”

In Mary Pride’s book Schoolproof, she relates a story of how her father (who taught philosophy) asked her what grade she would give to a student who had earned an “F” on his first test, a “D” on the second, a “C” on the next, then a “B”, and an “A” on the final exam. Young Mary thought carefully, and then replied that she would average a “C” for the course. She tells that her father shook his head and told her that she was wrong. The student had earned an “A” for the course, because he finally had mastered the material.

Name This Figure, or Are There Really Any Wrong Answers?

Math book shows a hexagon and says: Name this figure. Student’s answer reads: Bob.

Mom gives the following illustration to show “3 lefts make a right”: Picture in your mind that you are going out the front door. Go down the steps to the front sidewalk and turn left. Now walk three paces and turn left again. Walk four more steps and turn left again. Now, which direction are you facing? Student answers: Forward!

Does the sun rise in the east? No, the earth turns to reveal the sun.

These are a few real-life examples from our homeschool of how there are really no wrong answers. It may not be what is listed in the answer key, and it may not be the answer you were expecting, but it may not be wrong either! Two plus two is still four, not six, but with less-concrete subjects we may need to take those answers with a grain of salt. Government schools were originally formed with the intent of producing a “working class” of compliant non-thinkers who would obey without question. I prefer to encourage creative minds to think for themselves and look at things in new ways.

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