“Why Aren’t You in SCHOOL?”

To leave or not to leave — the house, that is, with your children during “school hours.” Many new homeschooling families wonder if they must cloister themselves at home until that magic hour when the public schools dismiss for the day — and only then could they dare to venture forth. If we truly see education as a non-stop enterprise, then we must also hold that education can and will occur in the marketplace as well as at the dining room table. But how should one respond to the nosy clerk or shopper who snidely asks, “Why aren’t you children in school?”

It has been my experience that a ready answer delivered with confidence will deter most busybodies, while uncertain hesitancy just provokes more questions. Therefore, we began our occasional daytime excursions prepared to deliver a carefully rehearsed response — “We have a half-day off today,” although I do not recall ever actually having to use that particular reply. Some people never asked why my children were not in school — evidently they saw nothing unusual, or they were already used to homeschoolers. The people who did ask us questions either stopped after our first response or continued to question, genuinely curious about homeschooling — which my children and I were only too happy to answer.

I remember reading once about a clerk who asked a child what school he went to. The student replied, “We HOMEschool!” The puzzled clerk repeated “Weehome School? Where’s that?” When my children were asked why they were not in school, they usually spoke up eagerly, proclaiming “WE homeschool!” and offering a further explanation: “This IS school — we’re comparing prices for math class!” Any time we shopped, value was a primary goal, so we were always comparing prices, sizes, and ingredients. We once were threatened by a zealous supermarket assistant manager, who felt our daughter’s in-depth, store-to-store comparison of brands and prices was going too far. My husband asked for the head manager, who then became uniquely interested in our project. We left the store after completing our price survey — with the manager’s apology and a $25 gift certificate, and he happily kept a photocopy of our research of his competitors.

Usually, my children boasted that they had already finished their work for the day and were therefore free to spend the remainder of the day in their choice of pursuits. It is not our fault that the public schools are such an inefficient form of education that it takes them seven hours to complete what we could accomplish in two hours. In our first year, I felt as if we must not be dedicating sufficient time to our lessons because we got them done so quickly. Then I realized that if we were to spend as many hours in session as the public schools did, we would complete our entire school year in only a few weeks or months. A brief analysis of the public school’s daily schedule reveals how much of their time is completely wasted: waiting for the teacher to take attendance and complete other daily records; waiting for quiet so the teacher can give instructions; waiting for the teacher to repeat the instructions to all those who were not listening or could not hear because of the noise made by the others who were not listening; waiting for the other students to complete the lesson so you can move on to the next one; waiting for the teacher to gain control over the discipline-challenged student in the back of the room; waiting for all the students to line up properly to move from Room A to Room B; waiting, waiting, waiting. The time they spend on actual lessons is comparable to our time spent on homeschool lessons.

After the first few years, we outgrew our timidity and began boldly going where no schoolchildren had gone before. I preferred making our trips to the grocery store or Wal-Mart during the day, because there were fewer customers during those hours, and we could do our shopping more efficiently. Our schoolwork could be done any time — we wanted to take advantage of the best hours for our shopping. We confidently marched forth, practically daring people to ask why we were not in school. I began to call those opportunities “speech class” — knowing my children would jump at the chance for on-the-spot experience in public speaking. They were not at all shy when it came to boasting about their homeschool accomplishments, and their confident grasp of language and vocabulary usually left their interviewers astonished and speechless.

Our city’s public library is normally a quiet haven during the afternoons, hosting only a few senior citizens in the reading room. We happened to be there one day when a busload of middle-school children came in, supposedly to work on research projects. The noise level increased so dramatically that my children and I could no longer hear each other without shouting, face to face. The public school students (the ones with all those well-publicized “socialization” skills) ran all over the multi-level building, chasing, teasing, shouting, and generally disrupting everything without doing any actual research. The sole teacher with the large group of students could only be in one area at a time, leaving the bulk of her group unsupervised to wreak havoc and drive off any other daytime patrons. We finally packed up our books and went home; I did not want my children to be accidentally considered part of that rowdy group, and it was no longer an enjoyable place to be. It was no wonder that the librarian in the children’s section was always happy to see my children — they knew how to behave.

A year ago, I drove my mother-in-law to her physical therapy appointment and sat in the waiting area until she was finished. While I was reading my book, a young boy came in with his mother for her appointment, obviously during school hours. He had an apple in one hand, his Bible in the other hand, quietly took a seat near me, and promptly began reading. I broke into a huge grin as I recognized the telltale signs of a homeschooler. No situation is disrupted by a well-mannered child.

Recess was an uncomfortable concept during our first year of homeschooling. I felt (silly me) that we should start by following the “school model” of regularly timed breaks with me present as the adult playground supervisor. I soon realized that this was HOMEschool, not SCHOOL at home. This was, after all, MY home, not a concentration camp. I still lived in America, the nation with the most freedom on the planet, and homeschooling was LEGAL. Public school teachers do not have to prepare the mid-day meal for their students; I did and needed extra time for it. Government schools also take their students on boondoggled field trips all the time, so we should enjoy the same freedom. (After we had left the public school system, I learned from both of my children that they had been on several trips away from the school grounds without my knowledge or permission. So much for parents’ rights.)

I loosened up and allowed my children to take their lunch break at the times that best worked into their schedules, sometimes varying with each day as they finished a subject early or needed a little extra time. I allowed them to play outdoors in our fenced backyard UNsupervised (gasp). I allowed them to take schoolwork outdoors on beautiful days to soak up some natural vitamin D and fresh air. I allowed them to ride their bicycles or rollerblades in front of the nearby middle school, even though the institution’s occupants became quite distracted at the sight. (After a heckling incident during the public school’s outdoor PE class, my son restricted his bicycling to during their classroom times. Years later, a boy began a conversation with my son by saying, “Hey, you’re that kid who used to ride your bike outside my school!”) We took walks together, whenever and wherever we wanted, knowing that even the simple act of walking around the block provided us with educational experiences in observing nature, architecture, or a street repair crew.

Time is the great healer — a little experience will give you the confidence to tackle anything during your homeschool days. Once you recognize that education happens wherever you are, whatever you are doing, you should have no qualms about leaving your home during “school hours.” Let the busybodies ask their questions — and give them more answers than they expected.

Mundanes, Too-days, & Woe-is-me-days

Another week of sub-freezing temperatures. Another layer of snow and ice. Another bout of colds and flu. Just a few weeks ago, you would have loved to have a few weeks with no holidays; now you are doing lessons day after day after day without a break, and you think you will all go stark raving crazy. All members of the Average Family Homeschool are tired of the routine, tired of being stuck indoors, tired of having to wear socks and shoes and sweaters, tired of having to sit still and write lessons, tired of staring at the same faces everyday, and tired of being tired of it all. Cabin Fever has set in.

Sometimes my calendar had Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. At other times my days became Mundane with routine, some weeks had Too much of everything, and I felt as if someone would find me rocking back and forth in a corner, my head in my hands, sobbing Woe is me. (The nice, young men in their clean, white coats should come and take me away.) It was time for a change to the routine. Schedule be hanged — our mental health needed emergency first aid.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. When you need a complete break from normal — the wilder, the better. The important message to convey is that your family is what is most important to you, not your schedule. Taking even one day away from your usual routine can be very therapeutic for all of you. After a break, you will feel as if the cobwebs have been swept away from your brain cells — everyone’s mind will be able to think more clearly, and lessons that were difficult just a few days ago may suddenly seem simple.

Depending on the ages and personalities of your children, you may want to let them help plan for the Break Day, or you may want to spring it on them as a great surprise. However you decide to break up your routine, be sure to include all family members — especially Dad, if his job schedule will allow. If Dad’s work cannot provide him with time off, plan extra activities for after Dad gets home from work to include him in the fun. Dads like breaks, too, and Cabin Fever strikes everyone.

A friend of mine would randomly declare “Opposite Day!” on a winter-weary morning and serve her children hot dogs for breakfast, saving the oatmeal for supper. They all had to change into fresh pajamas for the day, and then sleep in their clothes that night. Throughout the day, anyone could declare an “opposite” activity from the normal, and all family members had to participate. The ideas that came about were always fun and always involved a twist on what we commonly expect as “normal.” “Set the table” for dinner, complete with placemats and napkins, on the floor; put a simple jigsaw puzzle together face-down; make turkey-shaped decorations for Valentine’s Day, etc. The only limitation was their imaginations. By the end of Opposite Day, everyone had enjoyed a wonderful break from routine, and their minds were refreshed with new thinking skills.

“Backwards Day” is a similar event, but differs in allowing individual activities to be done in reverse order. Your dinner menu can still come at its regular time, but everyone eats dessert first and finishes with a salad. Again, your imaginations are encouraged to run amok — smashing the normal routine is the goal — for one day, anyway. (I can think of a few energetic little boys who would eagerly accept the challenge to take every step backwards for an entire day.)

If your family has the means and the opportunity, taking a weekend away at a hotel can be a delightful break. The mid-winter blues can be effectively driven away with a few hours in the hotel swimming pool — especially now that many hotels are building complete indoor water-parks. (Those people really know how to fill a need!) Complete your weekend with a museum tour, family movie night, or shopping at different stores than you usually frequent.

A city near us is home to a Botanical Center: a huge glass-domed structure filled with exotic flowers, trees, and tropical plants of all types; hummingbirds and butterflies flit from petal to petal, and exotic fish swim lazily in the ponds and streams that wind throughout the Xanadu-like oasis. Winter coats must remain on the lobby coat racks — it is just too warm inside the dome for anything heavier than a t-shirt. Even the dreary gray sky outside looks warm and friendly when viewed from behind a banana tree. (Note to the pollen-sensitive: I finally had to restrict my visits to the dome: the exotic pollens sent my allergies into hyper-drive. If you are not embarrassed to wear one, a breathing mask made a short visit endurable for me, then I let my husband and kids continue their tour while I checked out the sofas in the peaceful lobby with a favorite book.)

Sometimes we took Get-Away Days, leaving town for a taste of new scenery; other times we planned Game Days: doing no bookwork, but playing games of all sorts for our educational activities. Whatever you choose for your break from the routine, enjoy it to the fullest — Guilt-Free. Once you are back at your regularly scheduled program, you will all think more clearly and have new memories to laugh about. You have worked hard to get yourselves to this stage of needing a break; now work just as hard at refreshing yourselves — you deserve it.

Sick Days, Snow Days, and Other Interruptions

One of the Frequently Asked Questions I get from new homeschoolers is “What do you do about sick days?” I always answer with a smile: “It depends on how sick they are.” It can also depend on who is sick — teacher or student.

If a child is attending public school, there will be days when you just are not sure whether to send him or not: Johnny has a bad cold, but no fever; Mary ran just the tiniest temp for only a few hours last night and now seems bright and bouncy. They are not really well, but they are not really sick either. I preferred to keep my children home when their immune systems were already compromised, away from the germ factories known as classrooms. However, the school administration took a different view of things: they informed me that my child was “missing too much school” and must attend whether she had pink eye or not. No, I don’t think so. That only confirmed my suspicions that the building was full of sick people, sharing their viruses with one and all. My daughter stayed home until our doctor okayed her return. (The public school criteria for true “illness” was the presence of vomiting or a high fever; otherwise the child was deemed “healthy” and expected to be in class — no matter how contagious.)

Once we began homeschooling and my children felt a little bit ill, but still felt able to do some work, I gave them the option of doing only their favorite subjects. Reading was my daughter’s activity of choice, so it could usually continue unless she had a really painful headache. If the student was too sick for sitting up and doing a workbook, but were not totally incapacitated, they were allowed to watch videos. Anything remotely educational was preferred, allowing me to count the day as a school day for them, rather than getting completely behind in our schedule. Games could also be played by the not-so-sick child, again redeeming some educational value from the day. If the legal requirements of your state include keeping attendance charts and detailed classwork accounts, then a light schedule for a sick child might be counted as only half a day.

When Mom is the sick one, the schedule may go completely out the window — unless your students are responsible enough to follow an assignment chart without much assistance. In the case of extended morning sickness, I advise shifting your school time to the hours when Mom feels good enough to handle it. Everyone will survive a slight change in scheduling, and once that season has passed, you can all resume a more regular routine.

The day will come when a particularly ruthless germ invades your home and knocks everyone flat on his back. That is the time to cancel classes without adding guilt. You will all just need to lie down, be sick, and get it over with. Take as much time as is needed to recuperate — you will regain your strength faster if you allow your body to get the rest it so desperately needs. I remember one very nasty siege we went through where Mom, Dad, and daughter were all down with a virus, leaving our young son to care for us. That little trooper must have felt as if he was king of the hill! He made us simple meals (standing on a stepstool to reach the dishes in the upper cabinets) and brought us our medications and orange juice. He could not have been more than seven years old. We repeatedly called him Our Hero, as he proudly nursed us through several days until we had the strength to stand again. He did not succumb to that sickness, and we still praise his bedside manner (and immune system), years later.

Snow days — when the public schools are not in session due to inclement weather — present a different problem. If your home is not surrounded by dozens of neighborhood children building snowmen, sledding, and having snowball fights, then you may be able to carry on a normal day’s routine, without even noticing the change in others’ plans. If, however, your children can sense their neighborhood playmates suiting up in parkas, boots, and mittens, the decision is yours as to whether you want to let them play all day or battle for their attention. We had a favorite saying for just this occasion: “Homeschoolers don’t get snow days off — we get gorgeous days off.” We could usually ignore the rare public school snow day and stick to our own schedule, but we were the nasty family going for a walk in the middle of that first lovely warm day in March. My children were the ones riding their bicycles or roller-blading past the nearby middle school every nice day after lunch, much to the envy of the students watching out the institution’s windows.

When we took a “gorgeous” day off, it was usually because Dad could join us for a picnic, spontaneous field trip, or nature hike around our favorite lake, allowing us plenty of educational opportunities to document for the school day. These events do tend to ruin tightly scripted schedules, so I learned over the years to plan fewer lessons than the legally required number of schooldays. I did not always hold rigidly to the plans I made, realizing that “life happens,” and I needed to have flexibility built into my schedule.

Other interruptions will crop up when you are the least prepared for them — a broken bone, a job transfer to another state, the serious illness or death of a grandparent, or worse. During times of catastrophic interruptions, strip your class schedule down to the bare minimum requirements and reassure yourself that “this, too, shall pass.” You will all need extra time to deal with the emotions accompanying your present disaster, so make time for family activities and enjoy your moments together — taking two hours off to watch a video cuddled together on the sofa can be a very healing experience. Life will eventually get back to its more normal pace and you can catch up on the other subjects later. It is important to remind ourselves that life — real life — does not fit into a carefully planned schedule: we take it one day at a time, and we deal with each day as it comes.

Consider the real-life lessons your children will receive from seeing how to deal with a family crisis. It is very helpful to have the memory of seeing adults grieve, adapt, make plans, and move on with what needs to be done in life. When children are completely sheltered from the matters usually tended to by adults, they have no knowledge of how to deal with these things themselves when the time comes.

My brother-in-law died unexpectedly when I was in eighth grade, and I was rushed off on the school bus that morning and expected to carry on as if it was any other day — no explanations, no time to grieve, nothing. I was allowed to miss classes long enough to attend his funeral, but otherwise, I had no clue as to what went into those few days. During our homeschooling days, we spent extended periods of time doing math lessons in hospital waiting rooms while grandparents underwent surgeries or the final days of life. The math was a “normal” activity that helped my children cope, but they also would not have wanted to be kept at home, away from their loved ones. My children (ages 11 and 14 then) gained a true picture of life during that time: they were in the midst of it all, alternately receiving and offering comfort and encouragement, not isolated in an artificial environment called “the classroom.”

Adapt to life as it happens — your schedule should be your tool, not your master. Every deviation from your normal routine provides another opportunity for real-life lessons. Make the best of the bad situations, whether you are demonstrating on-the-spot first aid, sickroom care, or snow sculpture engineering, and never underestimate the education that will be gained from the interruptions to your schedule.

The Bible Is Relevant to My Life Today?

“I didn’t know the Old Testament could be relevant to my life today!” She was a homeschool Mom, a good friend of mine, and a long-time believer. I was really excited to share some scriptures with her from Jeremiah that were confirmation and guidance for a spiritual battle she and I were going through together. I was floored. Could there be a Christian within my sphere of influence who did not know the power of the entire Bible? How could a believer today not depend on the wisdom of the Old Testament to supplement the grace of the New Testament? The lesson I learned that day was that I should readily share my love of God’s Word with my friends as well as with my children so that they may learn a better appreciation for its timelessness.

Short, spontaneous lessons applying scripture to daily life help our children see that the Bible touches all areas of their lives. Even if I do not know the verse perfectly from memory, I can still give my children the benefit of seeing that God’s Word is living and active by paraphrasing the verse until I get my hands on the concordance software to find the actual quote.

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.”(NASB) The New Living Translation says it in a way I like even better: “Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it.” I am not raising children; I am training adults: productive citizens, valuable members of society. What are you making for dinner? Water, meat, and vegetables — or soup? Children are the raw materials — responsible adults are the goals. Children are very anxious to grow up, and they will be equally anxious to learn when they realize you are trying to help them grow up.

I Samuel 15:22 “Has the Lord as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams.” Yes, it is a very nice drawing, and I can tell you have worked very hard on it. However, what I had asked you to do was to pick up all your Legos and put them away. You did not obey. Do you understand the difference? Now you go back and pick up the Legos while I put this picture on the refrigerator.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 “There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event [delight] under heaven…” Do not get so wrapped up in schedules that you miss taking “gorgeous days” off. If this lesson just is not working, put it away for now; in 2 days (or 2 weeks, or 2 months) things will be different and it may work just fine.

Luke 15:4-7 “What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture, and go after the one which is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’ I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents, than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.” We usually think of salvation with this parable, but we can also apply this to teaching: if one child is straggling behind, the lamb’s wool is caught in a thicket, that student is stuck on a lesson — go and find where that lamb is stuck and help him get free to move on. Find the way to help him gain understanding.

James 1:5 “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” ‘Nuff said.

I may not have an impressive amount of Bible verses memorized verbatim, but I do know what the Bible says about many different topics. God has stirred my heart on many occasions with the perfect Bible story to share with the day’s events. Sometimes I know exactly where the desired verses are located, and sometimes I have to spend a little time searching for them, but in the end, I can read the passage with my family and show them where God’s Word speaks to today’s circumstances. The Bible is relevant to our lives today.

Where Do I Begin???

[co-written by Jenny and Carolyn]

You would like to begin homeschooling. Your children are already in school. How do you begin? Start with a trip through the Home School Legal Defense Association’s website (http://www.hslda.org) to learn what must be done in your area to be in compliance with your state’s laws. Some states require notification before you remove your children from a formal school; some do not. Trust HSLDA as your final authority: public school officials are often woefully ignorant of their state’s laws. Laws and requirements vary from state to state, so do not assume you can do the same thing as your friend’s neighbor’s sister-in-law who lives three states away. HSLDA also has links to homeschool support groups in your state or local region. Find the name of a homeschooling family and call them up — if they do not feel they can answer your questions, ask them to suggest someone else who can. I have spoken to many potential homeschooling families who just needed a little boost in the encouragement department.

The first physical step would be to pull your children from the school system they are in, but truly, you already have started teaching them. Your children have been learning from you from the time when their big eyes first followed you around the room, though they could not even speak or understand you, and it has progressed from there (see Who Taught This Kid to Walk…). Not getting your children up early enough to catch the bus may seem too simple of a way to begin homeschooling, but that is the beauty of home education. You may choose to delay removal from a school system until a semester break or major holiday break, but it often is not necessary. Others (in more drastic circumstances) choose to pull their children out NOW before another day goes by.

From there you can begin with the books that you already have around the house. Literature is a great way to start: read to your children, and have them read to you. Make cookies together and do the math of fractions. Play with water or corn meal and all your measuring utensils. There is no need to freak out and think you need a formal set-up. Relax and enjoy having your family together, and learn from life. Watch an historical video and discuss the parts that interest you. Spend an afternoon at the library. Walk around your local business district and see what you have never noticed before. If you are the only customers in a shop, talking to the owner can result in a fantastic, spontaneous field trip. Visit a local museum or antique shop and ask questions of the proprietor. Later, textbooks or organized lessons can be added, but it is not necessary right away, even if you are starting with a child who is in junior high or high school. You can still allow yourselves to take it easy at first; it helps make the transition less stressful and more enjoyable. Do not worry about desks and art supplies and music lessons until you find a need for them. Cuddling together on the sofa or gathering around the dining table will work just fine for now.

When you begin to doubt whether you are doing enough, stop to consider how much time your children would be wasting in a classroom while waiting in line, waiting for silence, or waiting for the teacher to finish whatever is going on before they can all move on to the next thing. A lesson that requires 45 minutes for a classroom to do may take only 10 minutes at home with one student. If you have multiple children, you may be able to combine lessons sometimes and save even more time. The entire family can enjoy a video or read-aloud book, and then your students can continue the lesson with assignments appropriate to their ages and abilities (i.e. further research, comparison or analysis of characters, make a costume and re-enact a scene). When my daughter had to read Hamlet for a college class, my son joined her for the video/read-along session and used it for high school literature credit.

It is beneficial and therapeutic to spend time contemplating what things you and your students have learned at home — remembering that we learn much more from life’s experiences than we do from books! Enjoy your time together as a family. From mealtime conversation to family game night, the educational opportunities never stop. Those opportunities were always there, but you were all too exhausted from rushing to keep up with school schedules to take advantage of them.

Help! My Student Finished the Book Too Fast!

This question appeared in my email box one day: What would or did you do when your children zoomed through a book with only one problem? He did great except for the part where he had to read a riddle and figure out what the answer was. He didn’t know what “pup” was so he missed it. It was also hard for him to comprehend because he reads slowly. By the time he gets to the next word he already forgot what he read. But when I read to him he can tell me the correct answer. The mom who wrote the email was puzzled by a student who had no difficulty reading his first book. They had worked together on letter sounds and short vowel words and were attempting to have him read an actual book. Young Son read slowly, methodically working word by word, but stumbled over only one word. Mom was not at all sure that it should be so easy.

First, there is no reason to dwell on lessons that have already been learned. Make sure your student learns the part he had trouble with, and then keep going forward. His reading speed will increase with practice — just like riding a bicycle, you start slowly and shakily, but you get better and faster the more you do it.

Second, if your early reader is able to answer questions from what you read to him, then you know his listening skills and comprehension are good. What you will be working on improving is his own reading — do not expect fantastic comprehension immediately from his own reading time. It will come with practice. Remember that your student is just entering a new world of written communication: up to this point, he has only had to interpret pictures and symbols, not words. Try mentally relating it (for your own understanding) to developing a brand new skill yourself, such as learning to read Chinese. An entirely new system of symbolizing words and thoughts would be difficult to comprehend all at once, but practice would enable you to learn little bits, then bigger bits, and then bunches. Your student will master reading in the same way.

Perhaps the child having difficulty with comprehension would benefit from decoding 3-4 words individually, then backing up to read those words together, gradually assembling the separate words into a sentence. In that way, his mind will learn to switch back and forth from decoding mode into reading mode: solving what the word is and then remembering it to read it in context with the other words. Getting the hands involved often helps transfer an idea to the brain, so if your student needs a little more help, you might consider supplementing (at least for a while) with homemade flash cards of the individual words to touch and hold and slide around on the tabletop. Let him decode each word as a task in itself, then line up some words on the table to see how a few words can form a sentence and actually SAY something. Then he can begin to understand longer and longer sentences. This is the “learning to balance the bicycle” stage. Expect it to be a little shaky and ungraceful temporarily. Also expect it to be mentally and physically exhausting to your little one as he struggles his way up these word-mountains, so do not push him beyond the limits of his endurance.

Third, for proceeding to the next book, if your diligent reader is ready, move on with confidence! Just remember that learning is like terrain: uphill climbs, downhill coasting, and an occasional plateau. The boy at the beginning of this story was fresh and ready and ran up an easy hill — no problem, little expenditure of energy. He may continue that way for a while. Then, just when you have gotten used to his jackrabbit pace, he will hit a plateau and need to stay there for a while to absorb all that he has been taking in rapidly. Sometimes progress will seem so slow that you will wonder if the hill actually has a top or if you are possibly sliding backwards!

Children grow physically in the same way — in little spurts — but we do not worry that they are going to shrink the next week. We know they will keep going forward, and eventually they may skip a size here and there. Children will learn in little spurts, but will always continue to move forward. Sometimes it may seem that they have forgotten a lesson or tended to slide backwards, but in actuality they are resting on a plateau and absorbing all that has been learned. Whether you can see it or not, the child’s mind is sorting all the information and contemplating how it all fits together. Give him time to “catch his breath” and he will soon be ready to move on again.

Homeschooling Failures I Have Known — and What Can Be Learned from Them

Family A chose homeschooling because their children were lagging behind in public school, and their homeschooled cousins were excelling. After only one year at home, the A. children were returned to public school and Mrs. A. vowed she would never homeschool again. What went wrong? Plenty. The high-school-aged student thought homeschooling to be the most boring year ever — sitting around all day, every day, “just reading books.” The upper elementary and middle school students tried to do their work at the kitchen table, while the preschool-aged siblings climbed all over them, chasing after the (many) other preschoolers and toddlers that Mom was babysitting. (The home’s arrangement put the kitchen table in the middle of the little ones’ main play area.)
Very little discipline, poor curriculum choices, and no outside support made for an unpleasant homeschooling experience. However, when these children did return to public school, they had advanced two grade levels to be at least equal with their peers (showing there are benefits to even disorganized homeschooling).
Lessons to Be Learned: Seek advice from experienced homeschoolers on matching curriculum to your students; allow your students to have input on what specific interests they would like to pursue. Set aside time for interaction with other homeschool families — you will all benefit from the fellowship. Do not over-commit yourself at the same time that you are learning to homeschool — homeschooling is a full-time job all by itself. Do not give up right after you’ve learned how to do this job — the first year is the toughest.

Family B homeschooled from Kindergarten onward, attempting to cover every possible subject for which there was curriculum available. Dad was self-employed, so Mom was also assisting in managing the responsibilities of a small, but growing, enterprise. Dad was a firm disciplinarian (read: control freak). Every few years Dad insisted on sending the kids to private Christian school for a year to be sure they were not missing anything. Mom would have preferred the consistency of continuous homeschooling, but gave in because she was constantly on the verge of a breakdown.
Lessons to Be Learned: Do not attempt to Do It All — this family overwhelmed themselves by trying to do too many unnecessary things and sacrificing their more important family relationships. Do not underestimate your ability to educate your children — they may not be learning exactly what other children are learning, but your children are learning the things that are important to your family. When all else seems to fail, re-evaluate your standards: are you putting forth your greatest effort toward the things you consider to be the most important?

Family C was anxious to keep up with the other homeschoolers at their church, so they began Kindergarten with their barely-4-year-old. When I met them a year later, that student was in first grade and the next-in-line was now doing Kindergarten. The two toddlers were normally active, but Mom was so enthusiastic about doing history, science, and many other extra classes with her students that she did not always keep a close eye on the younger children (who therefore constantly got into trouble). Mom eventually gave up and put the students into Christian school. I should mention that Mom was also working part-time outside the home during all this — while Dad’s income alone was more than adequate to support the family. They were planning to try homeschooling again later on when Dad’s job transferred him for a year to an area with inadequate schools, but I have lost contact with them and have not heard how that went.
Lessons to Be Learned: Once again, do not attempt to Do It All. More intense subjects (such as history and science) cannot be retained efficiently by younger learners; save them until the students have mastery of reading (at least 4th grade). History and science activities can be done occasionally to supplement other subjects, but save the formal lessons for later. Include your toddlers in your schooltime by giving them their own “school activities,” whether directly related to the lessons or not.

Family D homeschooled for several years, dual-enrolling their children in public school for extra-curricular classes and activities. Mom spent most of her time driving to the school (then back) to deliver each of her children in turn for lessons, practices, and performances. The oldest child entered high school and enrolled in even more classes and spent many hours at the school each day. The D. family has not really failed at homeschooling itself, but these children are spending ever-increasing time with public school peers and are readily adopting the prevalent attitudes and (anti-) social behavior. The siblings are mouthy, disrespectful, and frankly, no fun to be around. I used to really like these kids.
Lesson to Be Learned: The point of homeschooling is to give our children a better environment and a better education. (How can that happen if you keep putting them right back into public school?)

Family E wanted to “sample the homeschool movement,” so their last child at home was to be homeschooled for one year only, and then returned to public school. They used the school’s curriculum, but also added several extra Bible-based programs in order to get what they considered to be “the best of both worlds.” Another example of trying to do everything at once, the E. family happily (and exhaustedly) turned back to the government system after their one-year trial. Refusing to call this a failure, they instead consider themselves to have been true homeschoolers.
Lesson to Be Learned: I personally consider this family’s experiment to have been as much fad-behavior as wearing stick-on tattoos, and I feel they got the same long-lasting benefits. Know why you are homeschooling. You will get out of it what you put into it.

Family F was similar to Family A, in that they had a very active toddler vying for the attention that the older siblings were getting during schooltime. Mrs. F. (like so many other eager new homeschoolers) wanted to jump right in and do every subject imaginable. Mom spread herself much too thin, felt over-obligated with the schoolwork and guilty for neglecting the toddler, and convinced herself after a year that public school was a better alternative. Mrs. F. deeply misses the relationship with her older children, but is now happily spending more time with her youngest. I still hope she will try homeschooling her children again when the youngest is ready for school.
Lesson to Be Learned: Avoid trying to Do It All, include your little people at their own level, and do not consider yourself a failure simply for over-committing yourself.

Guilt-Free Homeschooling is achieved by
1) Doing what God has asked you to do, not what all of your friends or relatives are doing or may expect you to do.
2) Spending some time reflecting on all your reasons for educating your children at home and writing those reasons down so you can look back over them whenever you need a reminder.
3) Looking after your own family’s needs first and only extending your efforts to others as you have the time, energy, and resources to do so. (Your own family should not suffer because you are taking care of others’ needs instead of theirs.)
4) Reserving time occasionally for your family to interact with other homeschooling families (Moms, Dads, and children) — for educational activities, for fellowship, for support, or just for fun.

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