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The Wise Man Learns from the Mistakes of Others, The Fool Has to Learn from His Own

January 5, 2005 by 4 Comments

Before you reach for your concordance, I will admit that the title is not a verse from Proverbs. It is, however, a teaching from the book of Proverbs, stated many times in a variety of ways. As King Solomon put it, the fool is incapable of learning anything from anyone else. If we can find a lesson to be learned in any situation, we make ourselves wise.

My family has often analyzed the conversations and actions of others, not for the purpose of ridicule, but in order to learn valuable lessons ourselves. We have also analyzed circumstances and commended the person involved for the way they handled it: it does not have to be a mistake in order to learn the lesson. I am a firm believer in learning from others, if only to avoid the pain and embarrassment of having to go through their mistakes myself. I also have used the actions of others many times as examples with my children. “Do you think she reacted properly in that situation?” “How could he have handled that differently?” “What would you do if you found yourself in similar circumstances?” “How do you think that situation could have been avoided?” We readily apply this technique to analyzing literature — why do we hesitate to apply it to real life?

Much too often in Christian circles, people are rebuked for analyzing the actions of others, under the pretense of “avoiding gossip.” In my experience, those who scolded the loudest have been those with the most to hide, and were striving only to keep their own faults away from public scrutiny. Gossip cannot wait to share the latest juicy detail; gossip must be the one to divulge a secret. Compassion withholds details and keeps secrets, but may, in a private, controlled environment, analyze what went wrong or what could have been done differently to affect a better outcome the next time.

After spending a few years in separate colleges, my daughter and a friend were enjoying a day of “catching up.” As they discussed old friends and where-are-they-now’s, my daughter remarked that certain ones would definitely not follow through on their chosen paths. A few months later, as predicted, the drastic changes occurred. When the two girls got together again, the friend was amazed at the accuracy of my daughter’s foresight — which was explained based on reviewing the friends’ histories. Patterns of poor decision-making had simply continued, true to form. The girl had never noticed the patterns in her friends, even though she had known some of them for many years. My daughter had recognized and analyzed previous poor choices by those specific friends, and it involved very little risk to predict their future behaviors.

If we were to point fingers with a haughty attitude and puff ourselves up for being superior to those around us who make mistakes, we would become the ultimate fools ourselves. If, however, we see lessons we can learn in every circumstance of life, we will grow wiser with each passing day.

Post Script…

It is clear that I put more emphasis on observing the poor decisions of others than I put toward studying their successes. To my analytical mind, it is much easier to pinpoint where a plan derailed than it is to notice all of the steps that went right in creating a success. It is impossible to know all of the planning and behind-the-scenes preparation another person goes through, often leaving me to wonder how they affected the desired outcome (what percentage was due to careful planning, networking, dumb luck, or God’s divine providence?). If I chose to follow the steps of a successful person, I would be more likely to imitate the details that I felt were critical, but in reality may have been insignificant, and miss the crucially important decisions that lie hidden.

Filed Under: Behavior, Encouraging Your Student, Family Unity

Screening — Paying Attention to Red Flags

December 15, 2004 by Leave a Comment

Be aware of what is being taught in any outside groups in which your children participate. Just because your friends approve of a certain group, it does not mean that you also have to approve or will approve of the same group. This applies to church-sponsored youth groups, church-sponsored Bible classes or clubs, scout troops, homeschool co-op classes, library story hours, etc. If you have already chosen to homeschool your children, you are obviously rather particular about what things they learn and how they learn them. If your children are currently enrolled in a public or private school, you may be noticing attitude changes taking place that correspond to their participation in specific activities, clubs, groups, etc.

Any changes in your child’s typical behavior should call you to attention. The changes may be positive ones, in which case you want to take notice of what caused the change and see if you can use that tactic in other areas as well to produce additional positive results. If, however, the changes in your child’s behavior are towards more negative behavior, you will want to investigate what has prompted those changes in order to correct a small problem before it becomes a major disaster.

Does your child look forward to attending the group/activity, or does the child suddenly become unruly, stubborn, and disruptive as the appointed time draws near? Does your child tell you about the group in great detail, or is it nearly impossible to glean any details whatsoever (especially noteworthy in a usually talkative child)? Does the child exhibit markedly different behavior upon returning home from the group/activity — is his attitude towards parents or siblings undesirable: rude, selfish, or extraordinarily superior? These are red flags, telltale signs that your child may be receiving teaching/coaching/prompting that is contrary to your family’s values. It may be coming from the leader of the group/activity or from friends he encounters at the group. Whatever the source, you will want to look deeper into the situation before it becomes a bigger problem.

Offer to assist the teacher with “crowd control” as a subtle way to check out what values are being passed on to your students. Mild differences can be discussed with your students before or after the class while still gaining as much benefit as possible from the class/activity itself. Major differences of value systems may require that your family withdraw their participation from the group. If the group is worth being involved with, it is worth your time as well as your child’s. Volunteer in whatever capacity will obtain you the spot you need in order to see what is going on. Speaking as a former leader, I would never have refused an offer of help; extra hands were always appreciated, whether the group was large or small.

We have run up against other children whose families simply had different values from ours. A brief discussion of “family values” with our children helped to clarify things for them, so that they could evaluate others’ points of view and determine for themselves what was worthy of ignoring. At other times, we found ourselves head-to-head with an important difference of philosophy from the leadership of an entire group. In those situations, we had to spend a great deal of time in soul-searching, family discussions, and meeting with the group leadership in efforts to rectify differences. When the problem was simply a misunderstanding, getting everything out in the open would quickly clear up any problems. Other, larger confrontations stemmed from troubles deep within organizational structures. Investigative probing revealed difficulties so vast that we knew our family’s voice could not have any positive influence. In those situations, we saw that it was time to pull out. When we deemed it necessary, we left immediately; other times we felt it beneficial to stay until a desired activity was concluded, then slip quietly away.

We have encountered anti-family philosophies in a wide assortment of organizations, all claiming to be child-centered and family-oriented. As I have said before, the proof is in the pudding. I have learned not to be fooled by words; anyone can say anything they like. A very wise pastor once said that you can tell a wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing by what he eats: wolves eat sheep. A wolf may disguise himself for a while, but sooner or later he has to eat a sheep — it’s what he does; it’s what he is; he cannot change his nature.

I became justifiably suspicious when told by a leader that parents were not allowed to sit in with the group, even when it met in that parent’s home. One leader pulled my child aside and coached the child, “You don’t agree with your parents, do you!” I have confronted administrators, forcing them to admit that, although they did not approve of what their underlings were teaching to children and felt it was wrong to do so, they would not take any measures to correct the behavior. I have also met face-to-face with parents who were not aware of their own children’s poor conduct, who thanked me for bringing it to their attention, and who took steps on the spot to reinstate the damaged relationship between our families.

I may sound rather cynical, but it is only because I have become cynical through misplaced trust. I now know (after more than a decade of homeschooling) that my children’s parents are the best teachers for them, and my children realize this fact also. We have all been taught through the school of experience that no one’s best intentions can replace the care and concern of family. If something about a group bothers you, consider that to be a red flag, and start looking around. As you screen things through your own “values filter,” you may find it to have a simple solution. You may occasionally find a much larger can of worms, but you will be grateful in the end that you took the effort to look. Your child is at stake. The risk is too great to ignore.

Filed Under: Behavior, Encouragement for Parents, Family Unity, Homeschooling as a Lifestyle, Parenting

Choose Your Battles

October 22, 2004 by Leave a Comment

As a parent, you realize this child-rearing business is war. However, your opponent is not your children; your opponent is every evil influence that tries to come between you and your children. The winning strategy in this war is to choose which battles you want to fight. Some battles are much more easily won than others are. Some battles are not worth your time and energy at all.

We went to church one warm, Sunday morning. There in the entry hall was another family greeting everyone who came in, but never acknowledging the appearance of their young son. Little Man stood proudly beside Mom and Dad in his Hawaiian shirt, soccer shorts, and cowboy boots. It was a moving moment for me to watch each family walk in, dressed in their “Sunday best,” greet Mom and Dad, glance down at Little Man, and then smile at the parents with only a silent nod as they moved on into the sanctuary. When one person did finally question Dad as to the unusual attire, Dad just chuckled and said, “You have to choose your battles.” The battle over shorts with cowboy boots was just not worth fighting, especially since this was merely a 4-year-old boy.

My son (at age 14) wanted to bleach his hair. A friend from church was known for bleaching his own hair often and offered to do my son’s at no charge. I am partial to naturally beautiful hair (like my son’s) but agreed to let him do this once. (Famous Last Words — The bleached hair phase actually lasted about 3 years, then progressed into the how-long-can-I-grow-an-Afro phase, and is now followed by the hey-look-a-goatee phase.) Hair grows out. Bleach it, dye it, shave it, grow it out — hair is flexible. Piercings and tattoos are a different story. I do not permit anything that permanently disfigures. After all, wedding pictures can be humiliating enough after a few years; they do not need any help from artificial adornments.

Shortly after my son’s first bleach job (just the tips: light blond on his nearly black, oh-so-wavy hair), we were shopping in a large department store. The clerk who rang up my purchases felt compelled to comment on my son’s appearance. She did not like it. She did not think I should have allowed him to do it. Her son had wanted to bleach his hair, and she said NO. “So what did he do? He went right out and got a tattoo and two piercings!” I smiled and replied, “Hair grows out. I can live with it.”

Back when my dear son was a darling little boy discovering a mind of his own, I had daily (make that hourly) battles with him over everything you can imagine. One particular day, we were going head-to-head over some long-since-forgotten subject. I was frantically praying for guidance in this current set-to, when I clearly heard The Voice I was calling out to. “This is a critical battle — hold your ground for just 30 seconds more,” was the directive. “Yeah, like that will make a difference,” was my instinctive reply, but I hung in there. It only took about 17 more seconds, and my strong-willed son caved. Mom won a very important victory that day. It was a turning point for us in the “Who’s In Charge Here” department. All the battles since that day have been negligible.

I watched other parents interacting with their children before I had my own and later as mine were growing up — keeping abreast of what phases were coming next and how to (or not to) handle them. I watched parents draw a hard line on simple things, only to lose the battle to a much more serious attack. One teenaged boy from our church wanted very much to put gel in his hair, but his ultra-conservative father protested. The boy used every substance he could find in the house on his hair, from vegetable shortening to toothpaste. If only the father had given in on allowing what he considered a “cosmetic,” he may have saved himself from the pain to come. The father and son battled throughout the high school years, until the son finally left for college — not the college the son had chosen, where all of his supportive friends were going, but the college where Mom and Dad had attended and fell in love with each other. The son soon returned home as a college drop-out, dressed in total rebellion, and behaving in ways that put the hair gel battle in its proper perspective. If only Dad had wisely chosen his battles…

I read somewhere once that children need a little rebellion to help them discover their own identities. The secret is to allow them to have small rebellions so that they do not need large rebellions. Hair grows out — hair is a small rebellion. I allowed the bleached hair to avoid the need for any larger rebellion.

Many parents make the mistake of thinking that they have to win every battle, every time, on every subject in order to maintain their authority. I think they are wrong. All they will succeed in maintaining is a dictatorship. Surprise your children once in a while by letting them have their way in something that amounts to a small battle — it will save you from a much larger battle later on.

Filed Under: Behavior, Discipline, Family Unity, Parenting

Spoken Destinies & Learned Behaviors

October 14, 2004 by Leave a Comment

“I just HAVE to keep moving and making noise! That’s what my mom says.” I heard these words with my own ears. What was more surprising to me was the realization that this 10-year-old boy had taken his mother’s observation and turned it into an assignment. Moms and Dads, be careful that your idle comments and observations do not become “spoken destinies” as this mom’s had. Children will learn to behave exactly as you say you want them to, as this boy had done. Unfortunately for this family, the words were not intended to express an expectation of the future, but just to be a summation of past experiences.

“‘Turn at the red flowers’ — that’s an ADHD-marker.” Why was it not considered simply “being aware of one’s surroundings” or “noticing a landmark” since the street sign was missing? It seems apparent that the family responsible for this remark expects ADHD-type behavior and watches for any little sign that can be attributed to it. Never mind the fact that the same boy who knows the turn is marked by red flowers also can sit calmly during an entire 2-hour movie without a wiggle, and he can focus intently on a subject of his own choosing. It seems to me that this student has incredible powers of concentration — powers that simply need to be taught how to focus on different subjects at different times.

A dear “church lady” told me the following story in order to teach me, a new mom, a thing or two about raising my children. She had been the babysitter for many children over many years and had learned much wisdom in the process. I greatly appreciated her insight and put it to use as often as possible. She had one particularly ingenious little boy in her care at the time and had caught him trying to reach the cookie jar by climbing on a kitchen chair that he had pushed over to the counter in order to facilitate his endeavor. When she had removed him from the chair and replaced the chair at the kitchen table, she told him, “Do not push that chair over there again.” A few minutes later, she realized her error as she heard an extended scraping noise and concluded that he was pushing a chair from the dining room all the way into the kitchen. The woman made sure I understood that this boy was not being disobedient — he was doing exactly according to her command. The error was, in fact, hers for not telling him all chairs, stools, and other climbable furniture were not to be used; the cookie jar was off limits.

I had a similar experience in a college computer-programming class. My program would not run corrrectly, and after much frustration I finally turned to the teacher for help. He took one quick glance at my notes and smiled, saying, “Machines are stupid. They can only do exactly what you tell them to do.” I checked back through the program and soon found my error — I had told it to do the wrong thing, and the machine was merely obeying my commands.

The point of these seemingly unrelated stories is that we need to be cautious of our words and our actions, lest they work against us. Although our children are not machines and are not “stupid,” they are to a certain extent “programmable” and can be heavily influenced by our words. We can unknowingly, unintentionally fight against our own best plans by simply tossing about a few careless phrases. Our words are like bricks: they can build up great fortresses or they can become weapons of random destruction. A few well-chosen, positive words can do wonders for our children’s behavior and attitudes. Words of confidence can instill hope in a child and the strength to try a difficult task one more time, the time that results in success.

Filed Under: Behavior, Family Unity, Parenting, Roadblocks to Learning

Life is Black and White — There Is No Gray

October 8, 2004 by Leave a Comment

Either you accept the title statement, or you attempt to tell me there are “degrees” of wrong. I am not buying it. God’s Word, the Holy Bible, does not blur right and wrong, therefore neither should we.

I have spent many years showing my students how things all stem from a clear concept of right or wrong, black or white. The result has been phenomenal — I am blessed with offspring who can tell in an instant whether or not they should be involved in activities that their peers may deem worthy.

After years of hearing my life-is-black-and-white-there-is-no-gray speech, my children found themselves in a test of that philosophy. The church youth group was holding a lock-in, an overnight party held at the church, complete with games, videos, junk food — everything teens would want for a night of fun and fellowship. When the time came for all good children to settle down to sleep, the girls collected in the nursery room and the boys were corralled into another classroom on the opposite side of the fellowship hall. One of the married adult chaperones thoughtfully laid his sleeping bag in front of the door to the girls’ quarters, just to prevent any shenanigans.

At some point during the night, my son was awakened by one of the rather mischievous boys tiptoeing out of their room, attempting to sneak over to pay a visit to the girls. A quick debate in my son’s mind about the situation resulted in his repeating my oft-quoted speech to himself: “Life is black and white, there is NO gray,” and he woke the youth leader next to him to report the missing boy. At the same moment, a slight ruckus was heard as the offender attempted to step over the doorway chaperone, whom he had mistakenly assumed to be a heavy sleeper. Discipline was affected and all was well with the party, but I later rejoiced heartily at hearing the ease with which my son had made his decision to “tell on” a fellow student. Right is right, and wrong is never right.

Filed Under: Behavior, Parenting

“Parent” Is a Verb

September 24, 2004 by Leave a Comment

Pick a problem from society in general today. Chances are it could be solved or could have been prevented by active parenting. “Parent” is a verb. “A parent” is a noun phrase used to describe either of the two persons responsible for a child’s presence on this planet, but “parent” should be considered as a command to action.

There are reasons children have parents — children need parents to protect them, guide them, and instruct them. Television, books, and movies are filled with scenarios where children solve their own problems, help each other out of difficult situations, and save the world from imminent destruction. It may get ratings, but it is not a true representation of real life.

When my children were of lower elementary age, a large department store chain was running a program for recycling and ecological awareness using the slogan, “Kids Saving the Earth.” I had personally ignored it as so much New Age melodrama until the day my daughter picked up one of the flyers in the store. As I told her to put it back, she clutched it dearly, proclaiming, “But Mom, it’s KIDS — SAVING the earth!” I immediately recognized the scope of this propaganda campaign: bypass the adults and recruit the children. We had a quick heart-to-heart discussion about how it is not children’s responsibility to save the earth; it is the responsibility of adults to be good stewards of the planet God has given us. Great relief seemed to overtake my child’s face as she realized she was no longer personally burdened by the slovenliness of uncaring, hedonistic adults.

Many times I sat with my children watching a “children’s program” or cartoon show on television, just so that I could point out to them the inconsistencies in the logic of the writers. One particular cartoon that my daughter wanted to watch featured darling little bunny-children who were indeed captivating to watch. However, when I caught the plot of any given episode, it invariably involved incapable idiot-adults who desperately needed their children to show them what to do next. I not-so-patiently waited for the end of that scene, muted the sound, and explained to my children how unreal the setting was. Then I banned them from watching that program again. My general rule for acceptability was: who is portrayed as being the leaders in society — children or adults? If the adults are portrayed as stupid and helpless and the children are the broad-shouldered geniuses who solve all life’s difficulties (in 23 minutes or less), you may not watch it. That blanket policy applied to TV, movies, and books, as well as friends’ attitudes, church youth group activities, and homeschool group activities.

Children desire limitations; boundaries are a form of security blanket for children. It works this way: you set a boundary, and the child pushes against the boundary to see if it is strong and true. If the boundary gives way, the child no longer knows where the boundary is and must keep pushing to see where the boundary will really stop. If the boundary does not move from where the parents set it, the child is secure in knowing he is safe inside. Occasionally, the child may test the boundary again just to be sure of its position, and the entire process is repeated. A firm boundary makes for a secure child; a vague or non-existent boundary leaves a child fearful and insecure. Think of boundaries as walls protecting from the big, uncertain world and the concept will be much easier to grasp. Set reasonable boundaries that allow freedom of movement within, and then watch for them to be tested. Your children are not challenging your authority; they are simply testing the strength and security of the wall.

When they test it again later on, they are still not challenging your authority as a parent, they are making sure you still love them. An unmovable boundary equals unmovable love from the parent. Be flexible enough to allow for an occasional open window in your wall; realize that you can temporarily relax a boundary without destroying it completely. The rare exception to a rule does not negate the entire rule.

Moms and Dads, it is your responsibility to educate your children, to teach them manners and civil behavior, to raise them up to be productive members of society and contributors to civilization. It is not for us to pawn our children off on self-proclaimed “professional” educators to lecture the tykes on good versus bad behavior: we are to teach by example. Our lives are to be the primary exhibits from which all observers may take note. We are to take the lead role in nurturing and discipling our children, not relegating it to babysitters, Sunday school teachers, grandparents, or anyone else. Parent is a verb.

Filed Under: Behavior, Discipline, Encouragement for Parents, Family Unity, Parenting

Kids Will Be Kids

July 27, 2004 by Leave a Comment

You have heard them, maybe you have even used them — those alphabet-soup-acronym-labels that get tossed around so flippantly today. They have become the easy excuse for not remembering things, for not paying attention when we should, or for feeling restless and wanting to change our circumstances. “I can’t remember that; I have XYZQ.” “She won’t listen; she’s JKLM.” “He can’t sit still; he must be MNOP.” We seem to find it much easier to excuse poor behavior than to correct it. This is not to say that such physiological conditions do not exist, but to toss their names about carelessly demeans any person truly suffering from them.

My role as an educator requires that I do just that — educate. If I stop the process before it is completed, I have not done my job. Therefore, I will persist in teaching phonics to ensure that my student can read any word put before him. I will teach reading and comprehension to ensure that my student understands whatever she is reading. I will teach math to ensure that my student can perform the various calculations needed throughout life for wise purchases, financial planning, and home improvement projects. I will teach geography, history, and science to ensure that my student can comprehend the importance of news items and current events. I will teach social grace and manners to ensure that my student can converse with confidence and ease in any situation. I will pursue this teaching adventure by trying every tactic necessary to impart understanding to each of my students. I will not throw up my hands in despair when the subject gets tough or my student balks at its difficulty. When my student is confused by a lesson, I will not assume it is the student’s fault. I will instead analyze the material being presented in light of my student’s personality and learning ability and see if there is another way to teach the concept that my student would understand better.

Homeschool dad and speaker Gregg Harris (father of I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl author Joshua Harris) profoundly states, “A teacher’s idea of a good little boy — is a little girl.” What an impact that one statement had on me as a prospective homeschooler! At the time I heard Gregg speak, my young son was spending government school Kindergarten on the “Time Out” chair for committing the socially unacceptable sin of being an energetic little boy. Our society as a whole has forgotten that God created our males to be warriors and protectors of their nurturing female counterparts. It is not within their natural make-up to sit quietly, watching life pass by. For me to expect my son to forsake his favorite game of sword fighting would be for me to expect him to deny his God-given warrior instincts. It would also be doing him a disservice to stick a negative label on his natural tendencies to be a “Defender of the Home.”

I attended a seminar once on memorizing scripture. I did not memorize much scripture (ok, any), but I did learn a valuable lesson: before you can find something in your memory, you have to have put it into your memory. Most (all?) of us have trouble remembering things from time to time — it is natural. As life becomes more and more fast-paced, we each have more and more things to deal with and to remember. If the necessary details are not put into our memories, we have no way of pulling them out again. Back when we had only one car, no children, a tiny house, and a slower pace of life, I had no trouble remembering all the things I needed from the grocery store. Now we have a driveway full of vehicles, a larger home, one adult-child leaping out of the nest, another near-adult-child climbing to the edge of the nest and admiring the view, and a website to tend. I often walk to the front of the refrigerator to write something on my grocery list, but instead open the door and wonder why. The only syndrome I am suffering from is the same thing we all suffer from: a busy life.

Right now I could click my computer mouse and instantly be chatting with my dear friends on the other side of the planet in Uganda, East Africa. I can click a few more times and read the reactions of homeschool moms reading my website across the US, Canada, and northern Europe. At no other time in the history of civilization have these things been possible. I remember being very excited as a little girl any time the party-line telephone rang, but having my mother say the call would not be for us… if someone was going to call us, we would know about it. Times have changed. We have so much more to deal with on a daily basis. Back in the days of the party-line phone, my family owned one radio and no television. My home right now has multiple radios, televisions, and computers. Times have changed. We must adapt to survive. Listening means paying attention to what we hear and filing the important details away in memory for later retrieval, or writing them on the planning calendar for future reference.

The point I am so far successfully avoiding is this: Please do not assume that your child’s behavior is the result one of the many alphabet-soup-labels being bandied about so freely today. Your child is, after all, a child — an energetic little person trying desperately to fit into a busy world. Our children emulate us in ways we rarely notice: playtime today is more likely to include “busy” activities, rather than slow, carefree relaxation. A child who does not enjoy sitting still for school time may not be overly-active as much as he may just have a few wiggles to release before he can efficiently listen to a lesson. We have also allowed television to teach our children to want to be constantly entertained without personal involvement, to expect all of life’s problems to be solved in 27 minutes, and to change their focus of thought every 10 seconds.

A child who seems not to be paying attention to you may be deeply involved in thoughts of his own devising: planning out a new invention, playing a game in his mind, or contemplating the details of the last story he read/heard/watched on video. I have suggested to my own family members that we speak a person’s name as the first word of a sentence, in order to break gently into those busy thought-patterns and gain the needed attention, thereby avoiding the need to repeat statements.

Many parents become concerned when a child can sit still for extended periods of time for an activity of their own choosing, such as a video game, but not otherwise, such as for schoolwork. Stop for a moment to consider this from an adult perspective: I find myself much more likely to sit with rapt attention when I am enjoying the activity and fidget when I would rather be anywhere else doing anything else. Perhaps a lack of attention during school time simply indicates that the child is not interested in this material or in the way this particular lesson is being presented.

When my own son showed these signs, I knew something drastic had to be changed in order to keep his attention long enough to impart the lessons. We changed reading material to include his interests, teaching comprehension by listing questions for magazine articles covering paintball, military body-armor, and new automotive innovations. It did mean more work for me, reading each article myself and making up questions to ask about the information, but I decided the result would be well worth my effort… and it was. My son’s involvement increased dramatically, along with his reading speed, when he was excited about the subject matter. We also had some unique bonding time as I was able to share his interests in scientific breakthroughs. We took trips to the local library to look for magazines; he chose the articles he was interested in, and I read them first to write the questions for him to answer (nothing fancy, just short-answer and fill-in-the-blanks). We also subscribed to Popular Science for its reports on the latest developments in technology. My son still reads those and delights in pointing out which inventions the magazine predicted would be out in 3-5 years, but the US military is already using, only months after publication.

Another tactic we effectively used was competition in math assignments. Plodding along at his own pace, my son could barely focus enough to do a dozen problems in a day; his time was just too precious to “waste” on math. When he reached a level of math higher than I myself had learned, I felt my responsibility was to learn it myself first, then teach it to him. With Mom as a classmate, he got faster, trying to get ahead of me — knowing that I would have to hurry to keep up. (Unfortunately for him, math is my specialty.) That first year of Saxon Advanced Math went by fairly easily, but he was not looking forward to another year to finish the book’s 2-year-plan. Then my daughter began looking into 4-year colleges for transfer from our local community college and found she could pick up a needed semester of pre-calculus during the summer session. That class was a duplicate of my son’s math class at home, and she convinced him to take the class with her — completing his next year of homeschool math, giving her a companion, and fulfilling their dream of someday taking a college class together.

One horribly-hectic month later they were done: 5 hours of college credit (1 semester) crammed into 16 class days. Class time took 5 hours a day, 4 days per week, and homework took everything else! For 4 weeks they ate with one hand while doing math problems with the other. But they loved it!!! The super-fast pace and the added competition of other students was something my son really thrived on. (However, it was a very small class — only 6 students — and very informal, not at all like government school high school would have been.) It may be that your bored student needs a bigger challenge. If you do not have access to a nearby community college (or if your student is not yet at high school level), try seeking out other homeschoolers who may be willing to do a class together, adding a competitive edge and camaraderie to a boring subject.

I remember an old movie with Walter Brennan as a mule-driver (Skudda-hoo, Skudda-hay, or some such silly name). At one point in the movie, a young punk is trying to move a mule team, and they refuse to budge. As I recall, he wants to get the mules out of his way so that he can use his truck to pull a large fallen tree out of the road. Anyway, the line that has stuck with me for years is when Walter Brennan says, “Mules got pride! They won’t move ’cause they know they’re not needed. You give them a job to do, and they’ll do it!” So Young Punk backs out of Walter’s way, while Walter hitches up the mules to the tree trunk — which they proceed to remove with great effort — and great personal satisfaction. Moral of this story: be sure you are giving enough of a challenge. Perhaps your student is reluctant to do a lesson because it is just too easy; skip on to the harder stuff and see how he responds.

Skipping easier lessons to substitute harder ones, skipping rope (or any physical exertion) before lessons, approaching subjects from entirely new directions, all can help to put a fresh spin on subjects considered “taboo” by your students. Give the wiggles an outlet or channel that energy into your lessons. Explore all these avenues before you jump to conclusions and are tempted to label a student as having some physiological malady. Kids are kids, children are children, and if we expect them to be children, we will all be a lot happier with the outcome.

Filed Under: Behavior, Homeschool How-To's, Homeschool v. Public School, Math, Parenting, Reading, Roadblocks to Learning
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