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Homeschooling and Hotel Management, an Analogy

October 23, 2006 by 1 Comment

Homeschooling is to public schooling as homemaking is to hotel management.

Homes and hotels have several things in common: beds to make, toilets to clean, windows to wash, and floors to vacuum. But the comparisons usually stop there. Homes are filled with families, the same people day after day, year after year, and the “chores” are motivated by familial love. Hotel patrons stay there for the convenience, the hotel employees are usually in it until something better comes along, and the hotel owners are in it for the money.

Homeschools and public or private schools also have several things in common: students learning, teachers teaching, books, maps, and pencils. But, once again, the comparisons usually stop there. Homeschools are filled with families, the same people day after day, year after year, and the dedication is motivated by familial love. Public and private schools are filled with transient students who go home nights, weekends, and holidays. The arrangement is convenient for the parents (who can now fill their days with other occupations), the schools’ employees are often in it until something better comes along, and the schools’ owners are in it for the money (let’s not kid ourselves — when schools are not financially self-supporting, they close… or merge with more profitable schools).

The methods employed and the motivations used in commercial enterprises and in family homes are entirely different from each other, providing drastically different results. Public institutions are essentially emotionless corporations concerned with financial statements and product output, regardless of the personalities of their individual employees. We have all seen movies where a hotel’s concierge or members of the housekeeping staff become personally concerned for the well-being of a guest, but even when fact replaces fiction, it is a temporary relationship at best. The same comparison can be extended to classroom teachers and their students: there are some teachers who care deeply for some students, but again, these are limited, temporary relationships. Within the home and family, the relationship is permanent, day-by-day, and life-long. The motivations are not based solely on finances, and the daily methods of operating are rarely limited to strict efficiency. Families are not businesses and cannot be not run like businesses without serious negative consequences.

What it all comes down to (in my mind) is “Who’s in charge here?” Do you want to yield to the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful School System that will tell your children what it wants them to know, when it wants them to know it? Or do you want to be the most important influence in your children’s lives? Here I am again, being your faithful Resident Cynic, but remember that I had children in the government school system — and we left. I saw first-hand that no matter how inept I might be at teaching, I certainly could do no worse than our local public school had already done.

Do you feel that your home has become a place that your family members only visit frequently? Have you been providing transportation to sporting events, after-school clubs, and various other school activities, but feel you know little of what your children are actually learning? Are you in charge of scheduling events and delivering mail and clean laundry, but have very little influence over the truly important facets of your children’s lives? Then perhaps you would benefit from investigating homeschooling a little more fully — it may bring the same intimacy to your household that it brought to mine. Homeschooling allowed us to stop running a “hotel” and start becoming a family.

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Encouragement for Parents, Homeschool v. Public School, Homeschooling as a Lifestyle

People Who Nearly Scared Me Away from Homeschooling

July 25, 2006 by 1 Comment

The following are examples from actual homeschooling families that I met throughout our homeschooling days. These are composite examples in that they each represent multiple persons and not single individuals. If the majority of families we met had been like these, I would probably not be here now, encouraging other families to try homeschooling. These people have the power to startle even the most dedicated of homeschoolers. If you meet any of them, please learn from my experience and do not be afraid. Look the other way.

The Pioneers

The Pioneers had more children than could comfortably fit into the average elevator. The number of children was not what bothered me: it was their mannerisms which I found slightly unnerving. Whenever I saw them, their darling girls could have balanced a book on their heads throughout the entire day, and their truly adorable boys were uncommonly quiet in cleaner jeans than most little boys like to be caught wearing. However, these children all moved with determined slowness and rarely made eye contact with anyone outside their family unit.

There was something eerily unnatural about that many children being that quiet — always that quiet. Seeing them for the first time, I made a mental note to train my own, smaller brood to behave so well in public. Seeing The Pioneers multiple times, in various circumstances, left me wondering if these children were ever allowed to play or act like children. I could not help but wonder if, when they played tag (did they play tag?), did they still move so slowly and sedately?

Every member of The Pioneer Family had a dour, gray complexion; they were all skinny and unhealthy-looking, like anorexic, cave-dwelling mannequins come to life. They attended every homeschool conference, stationed at their booth in the vendor hall, selling some type of nutrition products. I wanted to take the children outside to play in the sunshine. I wanted to give them puppies and kittens and candy and tell silly stories to make them smile. I wanted to lead them in a rousing game of hide-and-seek or tag. And I wanted to stay far away from whatever they were eating (and selling), if that was what made them look and act the way they did.

The Pusher

Not an illegal drug dealer, but the gloating know-it-all type of man or woman who pushes other people into doing what he or she wants them to do. One Pusher I encountered had very small family, she did every activity imaginable with her very small family, she seemed to detest anyone who was part of a larger family, and she refused to understand why other families did not want to do all of the activities that she was doing. She bragged about all of the activities they had done in the past, she bragged about what activities they were going to do in the future, and she told you how you should be doing any activity you were foolish enough to mention in her presence. She had more confusing rules for homeschooling than the IRS has for reporting income, and she ordered people around like a drill sergeant. She gave me a strong desire to go AWOL.

The Dragger

A puller, as opposed to The Pusher. This overly enthusiastic person also wanted to do every conceivable activity, but this one insisted on dragging everyone else along with her. She did not tell you what you should be doing — she picked you up in her car and took you there. One Dragger that I knew intended to return her children to public school after a brief stint in homeschooling, and she crammed more studies and activities into each year than some homeschoolers will cover in five years. She put enough bells and whistles into her lessons to make Martha Stewart tired. Then she stopped homeschooling, and I felt like I could breathe again. I even opened my curtains again and unlocked my door.

Goldilocks

The Goldilocks Family, to be precise. The family I met had all little girls, who were all dressed in perfectly pressed plaid dresses with perfectly tied bows in their perfectly curled golden ringlets. They recited perfect poems and sang perfectly harmonious songs and wrote perfectly penned essays. They were never loud or boisterous. They never ran or cut in line or pushed or shoved. They never got dirty — hey, they never even wrinkled. Point me to a soft bed — I think I need to lie down.

Doogie Howser’s Family

Actually, that name is unfair to young Dr. Doogie. In the television family, Doogie was mature beyond his years, and his parents had endeavored to give him “normal” childhood experiences to balance his extraordinary achievements as a 16-year-old medical intern. The “Howsers” that I met tried to convince everyone that their children were geniuses and child prodigies. These pushy parents valued pride and progress above the innocence of childhood. Their incredibly average children were raced through double lessons each day, more for the sake of making progress than for actually retaining anything. The parents were obnoxious beasts, and the children were equally obnoxious beasts. I do not know what they intended to do with obnoxiously beastly 12-year-olds who were supposedly ready for Ivy League colleges. I do know what I wanted to do with them.

Oddly enough, the few children I have met in my lifetime whom I actually felt were geniuses or prodigies were neither obnoxious nor beastly, and their parents did not have to force them through lessons but rather found themselves in a constant race to keep up with their insatiable offspring, quite similar to the characters from “Doogie Howser, M.D.”

The Paper Shufflers

One Shuffler kept track of every book he had ever read — title, author, publisher, number of pages, genre, and so many more details that I had to stop listening. I must also mention the Shuffler families whose children wrote so many essays, reports, poems, stories, novels, and other compositions that their year-end displays resembled a tax-preparer’s office in April — piles of papers everywhere you looked.

Another Shuffler had a large room in her house with a massive filing system for any paper her students had ever used or that she might ever have a desire to use — coloring pages, worksheets, maps, lists — and again I had to walk away before I heard any more. (Do not mistakenly assume that she would ever share her vast resources with anyone else — she just wanted everyone to know that she owned it all.)

Yet another Shuffler kept obsessive amounts of detailed records of their lessons — lessons planned, lessons in progress, lessons completed, lessons graded, lessons filed away for future reference. I started out keeping moderately detailed records, but I had too much fun homeschooling my children to spend our days shuffling all those papers and writing intricately detailed records. Writing it all down would indicate that someone, somewhere, someday, might be obligated to read it. (And write yet another report on it all!) I will not be that someone. I will be outside with a flock of giggling children, covering the sidewalk in grand Seuss-ian murals with multi-colored chalk.

The Activists

Political activism can be a wonderful thing. After all, it was the foundational element of this great nation. However, I have met a few scary homeschooling families who took their political agenda to new heights. I have received phone calls from The Activists, deceptively sounding as though the purpose of the call was for homeschooling matters, only to have them suddenly turn toward political issues once they had my attention. Believe it or not, there are times when I just want to enjoy an activity with my family — without being pressured to sign a petition first.

Learning to Look Away

The Pioneers might have scared me away from homeschooling, causing me to think that I must have an enormous family to make homeschooling worthwhile, or that my homeschool would only be successful if my children were perfect models of grace and dignity at all times. I did not succumb to the implied guilt message that proper homeschoolers eat only hard, crunchy things that look like they could survive a nuclear holocaust. Their food, clothing, and lifestyle choices were really not the disturbing issues: what really bothered me was the robotic, Stepford Wives-aspect of the children’s actions (or lack of said actions). I chose, Guilt-Free, to envision that they behaved more normally at home, especially while waiting for a dawdling sibling to vacate their home’s single bathroom.

The Pusher might have scared me away from homeschooling, causing me to think that I was not doing enough activities with my children. I did not yield to her implied guilt message that the only worthwhile activities were the ones that she had chosen, and that skipping any of her chosen activities would leave my students with a woefully deficient education. While I will admit that, in the beginning, I did try some of this Pusher’s activities, I soon left her extensive list behind, Guilt-Free, in favor of things we chose ourselves.

The Dragger might have scared me away from homeschooling, causing me to think that I must do everything now. I did not give in to her implied guilt message that there is no time like the present. While some things are worth doing now, many things will still work just as well later — when my family’s schedule has more time available. I learned to give The Dragger a firm “No, thanks” and scheduled lessons and activities in accordance with our own desires, Guilt-Free.

The Goldilocks Family might have scared me away from homeschooling, causing me to think that my children should always be picture-perfect examples of cleanliness and deportment. I did not surrender to their implied guilt message that the only good child is a well-dressed, well-mannered child. God made the dirt, as well as the water, and if He chooses to bless us with rain, we should not ungratefully refuse to play in the mud. We enjoyed playing, we enjoyed nature, we enjoyed childhood, and we enjoyed occasionally being silly or muddy or messy, Guilt-Free.

The Doogie Howser Family might have scared me away from homeschooling, causing me to think that our homeschool efforts had failed if my children ever balked at doing assignments, did not beg for extra lessons, or were not ready for college before they hit their teen years. I did not submit to the implied guilt message that the only truly successful homeschooling method is one which catapults your students years ahead in academics. Lessons actually learned meant much more to us than progressing through workbooks at warp-speed. We discussed things we had learned away from the books and marveled at the simplicity of those lessons, Guilt-Free.

The Paper Shufflers might have scared me away from homeschooling, causing me to think that the only lessons that count are the ones that have been planned out on paper and produce even more papers in the form of journals, reports, or other written assignments. I did not believe their implied guilt message that the merit of a lesson is equivalent to the size of the stack of paperwork it produces. Once again, we discussed things we had learned spontaneously, away from the papers and the planning, and marveled at the simplicity of those lessons, Guilt-Free.

The Activists might have scared me away from homeschooling, causing me to think that homeschooling and political awareness must go hand in hand. I did not crumble under their implied guilt message that the only worthwhile homeschooler is a politically aggressive homeschooler. While I applauded their energy and, at times, I may even have envied their involvement in truly important issues, I eventually realized that our own non-involvement in those same issues did not demean or negate our academic efforts. When we had the time and the energy, we did support topics that we felt strongly about, but the rest of the time, we continued our schooling without petitions, telephone solicitations, or informational leaflets, Guilt-Free.

Throughout your own homeschool journey, you will very likely meet a few characters as scary as these, perhaps some who are even scarier. Do not allow them to frighten you away from your desired goal. Look the other direction, change the subject, or just walk quickly away. You are not being rude — you are rescuing someone very vital to your children’s academic future: yourself. Maintain your focus on your own homeschooling methods — the things that you know work for yourself, for your students, and for your entire family. Homeschooling methods must keep everyone relaxed and comfortable, and they must fit your family’s lifestyle in order to be Guilt-Free. Remind yourself as often as necessary that things are seldom what they seem, and realize that something very traumatic must have happened in the lives of The Scary People to send them to their extremes… and you would not want to have to go through that yourself.

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Doing Your "Best", Encouragement for Parents, Family Unity, Homeschooling as a Lifestyle

Top 10 Things I Did Not Need for Homeschooling

June 12, 2006 by 3 Comments

Homeschooling requires a minimal amount of preparation: it can be started with a few books to read, some paper and pencils, and a few broken crayons as basic art supplies. Institutional schools receiving government funding would lead us to believe that much, much more is needed for adequately educating students. I quickly discovered that certain institutional necessities were, in fact, completely unnecessary in our homeschool setting. And so, here, without further ado, are the Top Ten Things I Did NOT Need for Homeschooling.

10. Attendance Charts, Seating Charts, Hall Passes, or Restroom Passes — We relaxed and made ourselves at home… because we were at home.

9. Lunch Punch Cards — Our lunches were all paid for before we took the groceries home from the store.

8. Hall Monitors — I could hear trouble from anywhere in the house.

7. Playground Monitors — Unless you want to count the dog.

6. Harassment Policy or That Desk Facing the Wall in the Back of the Room for the Disruptive Kid — “Don’t hit your sister,” “Don’t hit your brother,” and “Go to your room” covered it all for us.

5. Parent/Teacher Conferences — Unless you want to count talking to myself.

4. AIDS Awareness; Diversity Day; or G*y, L*sbian, Transg*nder, & Bis*xual Day — We were too busy with learning the more important aspects of education… such as how to read, write, and calculate.

3. Police Officers, Metal Detectors, or Pepper Spray — I even encouraged my students to use and carry pocket knives.

2. Zero Tolerance Policies — I possess critical thinking skills and know how to use them to analyze problems on a case by case basis.

And finally, the Number One Thing that I did not need for homeschooling my own children…

1. RITALIN! or any other mind-numbing drugs to control active children — Physical exercise was much more effective for getting the wiggles out and preparing my students to learn.

*[Unfortunately, the spelling of certain words must be altered to reduce unwanted search engine hits. I apologize for any confusion.]

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Encouragement for Parents, Homeschool How-To's, Homeschool v. Public School, Leaving Public School, Top 10 (and other) Lists

Should Everyone Homeschool?

April 24, 2006 by 2 Comments

A statement commonly made by people not involved in homeschooling is that not everyone should homeschool. I am perplexed by this. I was discussing homeschooling with a mother whose children attended public school, when she asked me directly if I thought everyone should homeschool. She asked the question with a very defensive tone in her voice, as though she expected me to agree with her perspective that homeschooling is only beneficial to a few select families. I stated that I have never yet met a child who would not benefit from homeschooling, and she immediately switched from defensive haughtiness to genuine curiosity, replying, “Really?!”

Parents also benefit from homeschooling. I have seen many parents undergo dramatic changes through homeschooling, both in their own level of maturity and in their relationships with their children. In my opinion, the single most important aspect of homeschooling is not the education, but the family relationship. Through homeschooling, parents and children learn to live with each other, like each other, respect each other, and learn from each other. Parents who rely on the government to educate their children tend to know less and less about their children with each passing year.

At this point, I will admit that I have seen, heard, or read about parents whose ideas of homeschooling differ greatly from mine. I do not approve of all methods that are practiced under the broad heading of homeschooling. What I see as beneficial to all parties involved, parents and children, are the one-on-one tutoring, the opportunities to tailor lessons to the student’s interests, and the time spent together as a family unit, making the most important interactions that a child has with any adults be with that child’s own parents. (Some people try to argue bizarre cases of child abuse among homeschoolers. I can match them case for case with child abuse carried out by non-homeschoolers and then continue to pile up evidence of abuses by public school personnel or by other students, so let’s leave that rabbit trail behind and get back to the subject at hand.)

Homeschooling is not a fad. Homeschooling is not even a modern idea. Teaching one’s own children is the way that education has been passed down since the beginning of time. Public schools, on the other hand, have only been in existence for approximately 150 years and were designed for the frightening purpose of creating a compliant working class. Some ancient civilizations did utilize “schools,” but they were not at all what we think of by the same name. Children had already learned reading and handwriting, mathematics and reasoning before they could be admitted to one of these schools, which were much closer to the level of our colleges and universities today. These early educational institutions were very small and involved one-on-one tutoring in highly specialized areas. Apprenticeship may be a more accurate term for us to use in understanding how “schools” operated before the time of the American Civil War. These opportunities were available only to the very wealthy — a far cry from what “school” means today: one-size-fits-all education for everyone, rich or poor, beginning before many children have learned how to read or count.

The “Dark Ages” of medieval Europe sticks in most of our minds as a time when education did not exist. At least, that is the image portrayed by most public school textbooks. Most people could not read or write, and life was generally miserable. However, we must realize that that was localized to a small area of the world and was promoted by the religious fanatics of that day. In an effort to keep their religion “pure,” they discouraged learning among the general public, feeling that only a privileged class should be able to read the holy scriptures, not the common, everyday man. Within only a few generations, education died out, except where allowed by the fanatics, and then their educational establishments advocated their own brand of educational fanaticism. Let me point out again that this was in only one part of the world — education flourished during this time in the civilizations that were not subjected to this particular brand of religious fervor, and this period was followed by an age of “new birth” in which all students made up for lost time. However, since most modern Americans are descended from European ancestry, that is the view of history that we receive. I am confident that Chinese history, for example, contains no similar period where learning was purposely stagnated.

Accepting responsibility for the education of one’s own children is not something that homeschooling parents take lightly. It requires close attention to daily activities and personal in-the-trenches involvement in lessons. I have noticed that the people who claim that not everyone should homeschool are generally uninvolved in their own children’s lives. While they may attend school sporting events, ask a few questions about the school day, or even discuss issues at the dinner table, it is nowhere near the same level of involvement that homeschooling parents have. Some who protest homeschooling are not even parents themselves, furthering the adage: Before marriage, you will have theories about raising children; once you have children, you will have no more theories.

Modern parents have accepted the notion (set forth by “professional” educators) that they are unqualified and incapable of educating their own children. If their child falters on a lesson concept in a homework assignment, the parents will invariably ask, “Didn’t your teacher explain this in class?” assuming it is solely another’s responsibility to educate their child. If asked to describe the events of a typical school day, the parents’ descriptions would probably not resemble their child’s reality. It breaks my heart to hear public school teachers express that they feel they are closer to their students than the students’ parents are. This is doubly sad because 1) the parents have allowed strangers to influence their impressionable minor children, and 2) the public school teachers feel it is their right to influence the children placed in their care.

History proves that every family used to educate their own children. What has changed that? Why is homeschooling now such a repugnant idea to so many? Not everyone can (right now, this minute) begin homeschooling and do an excellent job at it — just as not everyone can undertake any job with no training or prior experience and do an excellent job at it immediately. However, I firmly believe that every family (parents and children) can learn to homeschool (if they want to learn) and will benefit from homeschooling (if they attempt it wholeheartedly).

Can everyone benefit from homeschooling? I say yes. Is everyone able to homeschool? No, but the prohibition is usually a personally inflicted reason, such as debt. Would I like to see everyone attempt homeschooling? Absolutely, yes. Do I feel everyone can achieve the same level of success in homeschooling that I did? No — I feel many people can do a much better job than I did, because more help is now available. I have learned many things now that I wish I had known when I began homeschooling, such as the different Learning Styles and how to match the lesson presentation to the student’s method of learning. Is it “failure” to send your children to public school? No more than it is “failure” to feed your child bologna sandwiches day after day when more nutritious options are available. Is homeschooling right for everyone? How could hands-on, personal involvement in your child’s education ever be wrong? Should you try homeschooling? What do you think?

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Family Unity, Homeschool v. Public School

50 Reasons Why I Could Never Homeschool

April 12, 2006 by 26 Comments

If you are a parent who thinks you could never homeschool, be encouraged: I used to be one of you. If someone had suggested back then that I should homeschool, I would have had a dozen reasons ready why I could not do it. One day, I ran out of reasons. Actually, the reasons why I wanted to try homeschooling began to outnumber my excuses for not trying it.

When my daughter was old enough for Kindergarten, I didn’t have to worry about homeschooling because it was not yet legal in my state. Later, I avoided homeschooling because I thought my toddler needed too much of my attention. Still later, it became obvious that the government’s public school system was failing both of my children, and I finally took a serious look at homeschooling. Our lives (and their education) changed completely within the next few months, and it has been a change that we have never regretted.

When people say they “could never homeschool,” they usually complete that thought with one of the lines listed below. Sometimes the line is spoken aloud, and other times it is merely implied. Still more often, the spoken phrase, “I could never homeschool,” stands alone as a substitute, a coded message, for one or more of these assertions. If you think you could never homeschool, give some consideration to these tongue-in-cheek explanations and reflect on why you feel homeschooling is not for you — be sure that you are not avoiding homeschooling for mere excuses.

I could never homeschool–

1. …I’m too disorganized. Homeschooling works with as much organization as you are willing to put forth. However, if you can keep your silverware sorted, you probably have what it takes.
2. …I don’t know how. Have you ever begun a new adventure already knowing everything about it? Like anything else in life, you learn as you go.
3. …I wouldn’t be any good at it. How do you know? Have you tried and failed at this before? If you have, then you know what problems to avoid this time.
4. …I’m too lazy. Are you saying that it is easier to get your children up, dressed, fed, and off to school at the crack of dawn five days a week, than it is to allow your children to do math in their pajamas?
5. …My husband/family won’t let me. Is that because you have run yourselves deeply into debt and need multiple incomes to keep up the payments? Or is it because of utopian ideas of what institutional schools can do for a child?
6. …I’m not smart enough. Did you teach your child to walk or talk? Did you help him learn to dress himself? Did you teach him to sing “Happy Birthday”? Then you probably have what it takes to teach him to print his name. The rest you can learn as you go.
7. …I don’t want my child to end up like that weird homeschooled kid I know. Don’t worry–your child will end up with his own brand of weirdness, whether he is homeschooled or not.
8. …I can’t stand to be around my children. This is a bigger problem that you need to resolve, no matter where your children go to school.
9. …My children can’t stand to be with me. Again, this is a bigger problem that you need to resolve, no matter where your children go to school.
10. …I want to support the local Christian school. That is an admirable goal, but is the Christian school more important than your own child? The quality of education (even at Christian schools) is far below what a child can receive at home. Also, Christian schools are populated with the thugs, bullies, and reprobates who managed to get themselves expelled from public school.
11. …I want to support the community through the public school. Again, is the community more important than your child’s welfare and education? The quality of education at public schools is far below what a child can receive at home.
12. …All my children’s friends go to public school. Any friends worth keeping can still be seen and played with after school or on weekends.
13. …I don’t have the patience to homeschool. Did you become impatient when your child was learning to walk or talk? Were you impatient when helping him learn to ride a bike? Homeschooling is no different–it is teaching new skills to the children you love.
14. …My child has “special needs.” Many parents homeschool their “special needs” children, feeling that no other teacher can understand or care for their child better than the parents can.
15. …I don’t know any other homeschoolers–I would need help. Homeschooling is growing so quickly that there are probably some homeschoolers in your area already. There are also resources on the internet for helping you connect with homeschooling families near you.
16. …I don’t want to insult my friends who are public school teachers. Right. Because their feelings are so much more important than your child’s feelings and education.
17. …I have to work. Some families have been able to adjust their work schedules and their homeschooling schedule to fit together. Other families have found financial benefits to homeschooling that eliminated the need for both parents to work.
18. …My children don’t want to homeschool. How do they know? Have they tried it before? My children loved having a fully stocked refrigerator available in their classroom.
19. …I have a degree, a career, and a corner office that I have worked hard for, and I’m not giving that up. Right. Because it’s all about you, isn’t it? But your child would like his own chance to obtain a degree, a career, and a corner office.
20. …I can’t teach algebra, geometry, calculus, or chemistry. 1.) If your child is just starting Kindergarten, you don’t have to worry about the advanced subjects just yet. 2.) The lessons are all explained in the textbooks.
21. …My children won’t listen to me, don’t respect me, or don’t think I am smart enough. Some of this will disappear the first time you answer a question as Teacher, and more will be conquered as you continue to homeschool. However, some of this may stem from bigger problems that will need to be resolved no matter where your children go to school.
22. …I have a life and social commitments, and I’m not giving those up. It’s still all about you, isn’t it? Many commitments outside the home can still be maintained–and some may be easier because of the lack of school-related commitments during after-school hours.
23. …I don’t want to wear a denim jumper, put my hair in a bun, kill my own chickens, or have 18 children. And you don’t have to. Homeschooling should fit your family’s lifestyle–no matter what your lifestyle is. Some athletes homeschool around hours and hours of daily training, and some families homeschool on the road in the cab of an 18-wheeler. Homeschooling adapts to you and your lifestyle.
24. …It costs too much money to homeschool. Many of the costs associated with homeschooling (such as curriculum purchases) can be spread out by re-using the materials for several students, or recouped by reselling the materials when you are finished with them.
25. …We can’t afford to start now; maybe we’ll start next year. Along with your financial costs, be sure to consider the personal costs to your child. In some cases, the emotional and mental anguish from one more year in public school can do irreparable harm.
26. …We might homeschool later when the kids really need it. How will you know if you’ve waited too long to start? In some cases, the emotional and mental anguish from one more year in public school can do irreparable harm.
27. …My child has been looking forward to going to public school, and I can’t break his heart. 1.) Your child is probably looking forward to either a ride on a school bus or a chance to play on the school playground. Are those more important than the quality of education? You can ride the city bus (or a church bus), visit a local playground, and then make cookies together at home (something he can’t do at school). 2.) Who is responsible for deciding what is best for the child–that child or you, the parent?
28. …I don’t want to go to jail–isn’t homeschooling against the law? No. Homeschooling is legal in all fifty states, as well as many foreign countries. Home School Legal Defense Association is consistently on top of homeschooling law cases and will support any member family at no cost. (info at http://hslda.org)
29. …I want my children to get into college. Homeschoolers are actively recruited by colleges for their dedication to excellence and self-motivated learning.
30. …Homeschooling isn’t really that important. Homeschooling can turn a poor student into a great student. Imagine what it can do for your student.
31. …I went to public school, and I turned out all right. The school you went to is no longer available. Schools are dramatically different now from what they were even five years ago. Ask a child who is currently in school what a typical day is like.
32. …I want my children to experience all the good things from public school. Again, the school you went to is no longer available, and you may have forgotten many of the painful or difficult times that accompanied your good experiences. Ask a child who is currently in school what a typical day is like.
33. …My baby/toddler takes up too much of my time. Have you found ways to prepare meals or do laundry with Baby around? Homeschooling can also be adapted around baby’s schedule, and toddlers and preschoolers love to join in the fun. There are many ways to homeschool with younger children about.
34. …My mother is a teacher! Then she should understand why you want to skip all of the undesirable elements of school and focus on personalized academics. It is a very rare grandmother who does not want the best for her grandchild. And you have the bonus that she can help teach your child how to stand in line for the bathroom or show you how to inspect him for head lice.
35. …My children won’t have any friends. Do they have friends now? They can still get together with the school friends they enjoy, and friends from the neighborhood or church will still be around. Homeschool support groups provide new friendship opportunities, plus field trips and group activities.
36. …I’m dyslexic–I can’t teach my child. Some dyslexia results from incomplete understanding of phonics and reading skills, which parents can learn right along with their students. Any other homeschooling adults would be understanding and happy to help you through any difficult spots.
37. …I’m not creative. But many other people are and are making their ideas available to other homeschoolers. Low-cost and no-cost ideas are available on the Internet, at public libraries, and through cooperative homeschooling support groups.
38. …I’m not religious–homeschoolers are all religious fanatics. Many homeschoolers have no religious preference but choose homeschooling for the excellence in academic instruction and opportunities for personally tailored learning.
39. …I want my child in the Gifted Program. “Gifted” in public school programs often means “compliant worker-bee.” Boat-rocking, buck-the-system, freethinking individuals are rarely admitted into Gifted Programs. Your child can develop his gifts and personal interests without all of the bureaucratic red tape or funding cuts.
40. …Homeschooling takes too much time, and it takes more time each year as the kids get older. Wrong. Homeschooling takes less time for the parent as the students get older and become able to work more independently.
41. …I could teach arithmetic, but I don’t know how to teach a child to read. There are many programs available for teaching reading, including some which guide everything the parent should say to the child. Teaching your child to read is much simpler than it seems and is an unbelievably rewarding experience.
42. …I want my child involved in sports. Homeschooled children are involved in sports through city recreation leagues, through dual-enrollment with public schools specifically for the sports, and through the many homeschool cooperative groups that are starting teams and hosting tournaments.
43. …I can’t teach art. 1.) “Art” must be your child’s name. 2.) Art can be taught, even if he is stubborn. 3.) Dump all of your crafty supplies on the floor and let Art loose. Library books can guide you into specific artistic techniques, but creativity is built in to all children.
44. …I can’t teach a foreign language. Excellent foreign language programs are available on CD-ROM that allow the student to hear the correct pronunciation, free of regional accents. (Have you ever heard French spoken with a Texas accent? I know a public school student whose teacher taught French with a heavy drawl. It’s funny.)
45. …My child is too active to keep up with. So you’d rather send him to a school where they will medicate him with drugs to make him sit still? At home, that child can run, jump, and play, and then do the schoolwork when his legs are finally tired and want to rest.
46. …I’m a single parent. Many single parents are finding ways to homeschool their children through flexible scheduling (of the job or the lessons) or work-at-home options.
47. …My neighbors will report me for child abuse. Do you need to be reported for child abuse? If not, try talking with your neighbors to help them understand your desire to provide your children with an excellent education. Bake cookies for the neighbors and have the children ask them about their hobbies, careers, or where they grew up, as part of a homeschool project. HSLDA will defend member families against false reports, but not homeschooling out of fear is cheating your children out of a wonderful educational opportunity, not to mention the emotional abuse they will actually endure at public school.
48. …I don’t have an extra room in my house for a classroom. You don’t need one. You can do lessons on whatever surface you currently eat dinner (kitchen snack bar, dining room table, or TV tray) and sit on the sofa for reading. Books and supplies can be stored in a box in the closet or in a corner to keep them from wandering off.
49. ...I don’t want to homeschool. It never stops being about you, does it? Is your leisure time really more important to you than your child’s education and your child’s welfare?
50. …I wouldn’t know how to start homeschooling. There are abundant resources for homeschooling, including the one you are reading right now.

I strongly urge you, if you are not homeschooling now, to give serious thought to why you have not considered homeschooling your children. If your reasons now seem as frivolous as the reasons stated above, perhaps you need to look at homeschooling as a real possibility for your family. Families have begun homeschooling as a way to care for dramatic health needs or because they had serious disagreements with the philosophies put forth in public school curriculum. However, homeschooling is proving itself to be an ideal way just to strengthen individual families and prepare children for college and the real life beyond. Besides all of the wonderful reasons for justifying homeschooling, it is just plain fun for both the children and the parents. Investigate this phenomenon called homeschooling–you may be very glad you did.

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Encouragement for Parents, Family Unity, Homeschool v. Public School, Leaving Public School, Top 10 (and other) Lists

The Socialization Code

February 1, 2006 by Leave a Comment

Over the years, I have fielded many questions on socialization from people who do not understand the choice to homeschool. The Questioners have ranged from total strangers to close friends to family members, but their questions have all fallen into a few distinct, but implied, meanings. Each time, the basic question of “What about socialization?” — no matter how it had been worded — seemed to have an underlying, coded meaning.

Coded Meaning #1 — “How will your child learn to deal with bullies?” A homeschooled child learns to see bullying for exactly what it is: unacceptable behavior. Homeschooled students do not grow up in the constant shadow of bullies, and do not become accustomed to kowtowing to them. Homeschoolers who have never been forced to surrender their lunch money or their seat on the school bus or their place in line recognize that no one else has a right to take these things away from them. When confronted with one, they instinctively stand up to the bully, call his bluff, and end the cycle right there. My homeschool students had grown up talking comfortably with adults, so they were also not shy about speaking to the adults in authority to report bullying and other unacceptable behaviors.

How to reply to this question:
“If you are asking if I am trying to isolate my child from bullies, I am actually teaching him how to stand up to them, instead of just sacrificing him to them. Believe it or not, being bullied is not an essential part of life. As for a model for dealing with it, the patriots in the Revolutionary War stood up to some serious bullying, but then, they were homeschooled, too. ” (And don’t back down from the bully who is asking this question.)

Coded Meaning #2 — “How will your child learn to operate under proper social order?” This Questioner is probably also a bully, and his question “What about Socialization?” is really asking if your child will “learn to stay in his place” in the social order of this bully’s worldview. However, homeschooled students will learn that they each have unique, individual talents and abilities, and therefore they also learn to accept other people for their varied abilities and contributions to life. Public schools tend to categorize everyone by an impenetrable “caste system” of Jocks, Nerds, Geeks, Rich Kids, Cool Kids, Slow Learners, etc. Public school graduates continue to categorize people into these groups for the rest of their lives. Once a Jock, always a Jock; once a Geek, always a Geek– just ask Bill Gates.

How to reply to this question:
“Our everyday experiences of schoolwork, shopping, and church functions put us in contact with a wide variety of people. Through those experiences, I am teaching my students that I value them for their individual achievements, and they are learning to value others for their individual achievements. The important thing to recognize in life is that everyone excels at something. ”

Coded Meaning #3 — “Will your child be able to go to Prom?” Yet another coded question, which can have two more possible, coded meanings: A) “Won’t your children be heartbroken at missing the biggest social event of their lives?” or B) “Are you telling me that it is possible to avoid the inevitable sacrifice of my children to drunkenness, promiscuity, and excessive spending without turning them into social outcasts and misfits?”

For “Meaning A,” a young homeschooling mom asked my daughter if she had regretted not having a Prom, and my daughter explained how her group of homeschooling friends had organized a nice dinner at the home of one of the families. The group invited all of the high school students, and they wore modest, dressy (but not formal) attire. Boutonnieres and wrist corsages were provided by the parents, the house was appropriately decorated for the festivities, and the three-course meal was prepared and served to the teens by several of the mothers. After the banquet-style meal was over, the teens retired to the family room for ping-pong and table games. Regarding the specific event of a “Prom,” my daughter replied that she would have loved to have had the fancy dress, but did not mind skipping the heartache that is usually attached to frivolous relationships. (This questioning mom sighed and asked if my daughter was available for adoption.)

As for Prom being the “biggest social event” of one’s life, I disagree. While it may be construed as The Most Important Event during high school, that ranking is bestowed by shallow, selfish, immature people who have little idea what Life actually entails. The brief period that was my high school social life has ranked fairly low in importance when compared with the rest of my life.

For “Meaning B,” there are parents who view Prom as a rite of passage, no matter how decadent it has become, and encourage their teens to take part. Many teens also believe that they are entitled to participate in the ritual, often demanding that it include limousines, hotel rooms, and alcoholic beverages, despite the legal-age barrier. (If you still think of Prom as an innocent part of the high school experience, ask the local obstetrics unit how busy they become nine months after each Prom.) Many of the parents who do recognize the debauchery frequently associated with today’s Proms are ultimately afraid of a negative reaction from their teenage children, fearing rebellion and rejection by their children if they, as parents, refuse to allow their teens to attend. However, this Questioner probably spent less for her first car than prom dates can cost today, so she may really be interested in finding an escape from the frivolous financial excess.

How to reply to this question:
This Questioner (most often female) may have no clue to the actual non-importance of Prom in the scope of Real Life. If you attempt to tell her that Prom is no big deal, she will only hear that you are dooming your child to life as a hermit. Therefore, if your students are much too young to be concerned about Prom yet, tell the Questioner that you “will deal with that when the time comes.” If that still does not pacify the Questioner, try telling her that your students “could always be invited to Prom by public school friends.” (Receiving an invitation doesn’t mean they have to go.) Assure this Questioner that there are many wonderful, acceptable alternatives to Prom being hosted by homeschool groups today that provide wholesome, safe activities for the students who choose to participate.

Coded Meaning #4 — “Will your child get to experience ‘all the fun I had’ in high school?” This question is usually from a grandmother or older friend or relative who has no idea what public high schools have become. This Questioner remembers one important dance for all of high school: one sweetly romantic event for which she made herself a special dress and carried a nosegay of flowers from her date’s mother’s garden — an evening which climaxed in a few moments of good-night hand-holding on her front porch swing at 10pm (while her father supervised from behind the window curtains). Most kids did not own cars in high school or in college either, when the Questioner was busy having all that fun. No one could spend hour after hour watching cable television stations devoted solely to the pornography of vulgar music videos, and a Saturday night “date” meant seeing a (G-rated) movie with a group of friends, walking en masse to the ice cream parlor for a sundae, then scattering back home before 10:00 pm so they could all get up for church the next morning.

How to reply to this question:
When this Questioner asks you about socialization, she merely wants to know that your child will not be locked away and forced to do endless lessons without ever glimpsing the light of day. Assure the Questioner that your homeschool “will include plenty of interaction with other students” — that is all she really wants to know.

There are many other superfluous questions that frequently accompany the “What about socialization?” question. We have been asked questions like these in rapid-fire succession without giving us time to form an answer, but then again, many of them did not deserve answers. “How will your children learn to stand in line?” “How will your children learn to raise their hands to ask a question?” “Are you Amish?” “Isn’t it child abuse to keep your children away from other people?” “Will your children even talk? How will they learn to talk with other people when they grow up?” And my all-time, personal favorite: “How will your daughter ever find anyone to date?”

If and when you are faced with questions regarding the socialization of your homeschooled students, take a few seconds to evaluate the person who is asking the question. You may even want to ask him to clarify it and explain exactly what he is concerned about. If the person is truly worried about the well-being of your students, assure them that you are taking all the necessary precautions to provide your students with a well-rounded education, including social interaction with acceptable peers. If, however, the Questioner seems to be rudely accusing that all homeschoolers should be held in suspicion, try answering his question with one of your own: “I notice you don’t go to school either. What do you do for socialization?”

[For more on this topic, see the articles linked below.]
Socialization and Why You Don’t Need It (The Socialization Myth, Part 1)
The Socialization Myth, Part 2
The Myth of Age-Mates

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Homeschool v. Public School, Socialization

Homeschooling Is a Choice

January 23, 2006 by Leave a Comment

Our lives are filled with choices:
— glasses or contacts
— milk chocolate or dark chocolate
— cash or credit
— white or wheat
— automatic or manual
— butter or margarine
— straight leg or boot cut
— soup or salad
— analog or digital
— chocolate or vanilla
— mittens or gloves
— rare, medium, or well done
— public school, private school, or homeschool

When we first began questioning acquaintances about their choice to homeschool, they all were very reluctant to divulge anything. We persisted with a few and finally succeeded in getting some friends to open up and share their perspectives. We were not assuming that our situation would be identical to theirs — in fact, quite the opposite was true: we knew our exact situation was uniquely ours, but we wanted some information for comparison. However, the homeschooling families we spoke with seemed fearful of influencing our decision by explaining the reasons behind their choices. No matter if the question was whether to leave public school or how to select a phonics program, whenever we asked, “Why did you choose this?” they seemed to hear, “What do you think we should do?”

If I ask if your opinion of a certain movie, I will also ask you for your reasons: was it funny, was it violent, was it vulgar, was it cliched, did it “work”? I prefer romantic comedies; if you prefer historical dramas, personal recommendations may be of little value. If you ask me about a specific type of homeschooling material, I will give you my reasons for liking or not liking it. Materials can have excellent qualities, but not meet my students’ needs, or materials can be less than ideal, but still be good enough to suit a short-term purpose or a limited budget. Knowing information about the material itself will be much more helpful to you than simply knowing whether or not I liked it. In selecting homeschooling materials, your family’s needs should be more influential than another’s personal opinion.

Choices are also subject to change, depending on present situations. Once upon a time, I could not drive a manual transmission automobile, evidenced by my brother’s frustration as he tried to teach me. His job would have been easier if I had known how to drive anything at that time, but years later, a friend taught me to drive a stick shift, almost as quickly as my brother had given up. I had changed, and my motivation had changed. When I had a good reason for wanting to drive a manual transmission car (my husband and I had just purchased one as our only vehicle), I was suddenly very motivated to conquer this gap in my education. Once upon another time, I had no personal interest in homeschooling, but my opinion changed as quickly as my children’s needs changed. Our original choice for public school was replaced by a choice to homeschool as the standardized education proved inadequate for my children’s individual needs.

During our first years of homeschooling, I was anxious to “fit in” with other homeschoolers and do things “right.” I wanted to see and hear how other families did things, if for no other purpose than to glean ideas that we could apply. As time went by, I began to free myself from the more manipulative members of our homeschooling community, those who tended to insist that every family should be studying the exact same topics that they were studying and to the same extremes. We participated in once-a-month activity days, but we did not extend our participation much beyond that. Occasionally, an activity that did not appeal to us would conveniently conflict with our schedule, freeing us to stay home, Guilt-Free. Later on, when I had fully developed my own style of homeschooling, I knew I was free to reject the other methods of homeschooling that were pushed at me.

We are an eclectic family. We are spontaneous, rather than scheduled. We have antique furnishings sitting right beside contemporary pieces. We enjoy what we enjoy, because we enjoy it. Other families thrive on structure, live by their tightly scheduled calendars, and absolutely adore having someone else select everything they need for homeschooling and deliver it all in one package. Still others like to spend months on one topic, delving into all possible aspects, before moving on to the next thing. The differences between us are rooted in our families’ preferences and reflected in the choices we make.

My choice is my choice. Your choice is your choice. The choices others make may have little bearing on what choice I ultimately make. I will probably check into several options before making my final selection, and what I do pick will be the best for my family as a unit and as individuals. If I make a choice too quickly, I may regret it and need to try again, or I may be satisfied with my first choice and find no need to change.

I chose to educate my children at home, parting company with the public school system. Some of my friends also chose to homeschool, many more chose public school, and a few chose private school. Of my homeschooling friends, some leaned toward a classical education, some opted for unit studies, and others chose the school-in-a-box, prepackaged curricula. I took a little of this and a little of that for an eclectic approach. Neither a more structured plan nor a total avoidance of textbooks is better or worse than the mixture that I used; it is simply different.

Pressures to conform to others’ choices come from all sorts of outside sources, and maintaining your focus takes diligence. Even now, I am often invited to branch out from this writing to become involved in other facets of writing for homeschooling. When that happens, I remind myself of my purpose and my goals, making it easier for me to discern distractions from opportunities. If you choose to teach your children at home, know why you chose that, and remind yourself of your own purposes and goals as often as necessary to maintain your focus. Do not consider the mere presence of an option to mean that you must accept that offer. Choosing means saying either yes or no.

When acquaintances ask about homeschooling, there is no harm in sharing your choices and the reasons behind them on an informational basis. Encourage those who are going through the choice process to choose what seems best for their situation, because circumstances can change, and our choices may someday be changed also. Remember that the final choice is theirs, and what they choose may be different from your choice or my choice, but it may still be the right choice for them.

Our lives are filled with choices:
— glasses or contacts
— white or wheat
— analog or digital
— chocolate or vanilla
— public school, private school, or homeschool
— textbooks, unit studies, or video lessons
— book reports or narration
— repetition or exploration

What are your choices?

Filed Under: Curriculum Choices, Deciding to Homeschool, Encouragement for Parents, Leaving Public School
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