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Surviving the First Year of Homeschooling after Leaving Public School

January 10, 2006 by 3 Comments

I understand your frustration. We began homeschooling after our older child had spent several years in public school (our younger child spent only Kindergarten in The System). We felt strongly that God was leading us to take responsibility for our children’s education, but we had a difficult time finding adequate support from other homeschoolers. Most of the other homeschooling families we knew at that time had been educating their own children from the beginning and had never experienced the trauma of feeling that public school had failed them. Parents often write to me, seeking encouragement and advice in surviving this transition from public school to homeschool. I know exactly what they mean. It is a completely foreign situation, somewhat like starting over from the beginning, but with students who cannot afford to lose any ground.

Children who undergo this change from public school to homeschool will experience abrupt (but not disastrous) changes in environment, teaching styles, and learning situations. These changes will usually affect behavioral changes in the child — sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.

The environmental changes may put the child on an emotional roller coaster. If he had difficulties at public school or did not enjoy that experience, he may be relieved to be away from that setting. At the same time, he may miss some of his acquaintances or the reliable routine of scheduled activities. Enjoying school, not enjoying school; missing the other students, not missing the other students; excitement, depression; up, down — most children do not have the maturity to effectively cope with the emotions they will experience through this process without help and hugs from their understanding parents.

If the student is eager to adapt to homeschooling, the teaching parent will not have much difficulty during the transition phase. However, some students are not in agreement with a parental decision to leave the public school and view the change as something to rebel against. In this case, their behavior may become uncooperative and stubborn and include what I call the “Limp Spine Syndrome,” that tendency for a child’s entire body to go completely limp whenever you urge him to pick up a pencil. The simplest assignments may drag on and on, and work that the child could easily have accomplished within a few minutes’ time may stretch out to last an entire day. If the child had formerly been an attentive student in the public classroom, he may just be dawdling at his work in an effort to substitute Mom’s companionship for the classmates he is missing, or he may be seeing this extended class time as a way to monopolize Mom’s time, keeping her from completing other household tasks, and thereby punishing her for taking him away from his former friends and associates. Students who are used to having homework assigned to be done later may not immediately grasp the concept of doing their work during class time. A casual discussion of expectations between teaching-parent and student may clear up many misunderstandings and motivate the child with the promise of free-time activities once the schoolwork has been completed.

Since this new arrangement is homeschooling, not school at home, it will undeniably be different from what the student had been used to. The style of teaching necessary for a roomful of children is not at all suitable for just a few students. At the same time, the learning skills used in the large group setting are not the same skills necessary for the more self-directed format of homeschooling. Another common cause of disinterested learners is lesson presentation in a manner that does not appeal to the child’s learning style: giving oral explanations to a student who learns best through building 3-D models, or assigning a student to read a chapter of history when he would rather participate in a reenactment.

Spend some one-on-one time with your child, endeavoring to learn what things he is interested in and how he would prefer to study them, and then tailor a few lessons specifically towards those areas. Topical Index: Learning Outside the Books contains ideas for lessons that will be more appealing than the average dry textbook. If your reluctant student is interested in guns and soldiers, rent a few factual war movies (look for older movies that do not require the modern cautions against adult scenes or foul language) and watch them together, followed with brief discussions of various scenes or characters. If he is car crazy, challenge him to research comparisons on new models or prototypes. Find his areas of personal interest and focus on those. It can make a tremendous difference in his level of motivation and create a valuable bond between the two of you at the same time. (Mom is letting me study this?) Remember, education was taking place long before the first textbook was ever written. [Also see Topical Index: Learning Styles.]

Teaching and learning are difficult enough with only a few subjects — there is no reason to complicate matters by tackling too many subjects at once. When neither your student nor you as teacher has had any experience at homeschooling, allow yourselves plenty of time to adapt to this new routine before worrying about covering all the bases. A student who cannot read well cannot fully grasp history. A student who has not mastered handwriting will find creative writing to be needlessly tedious. Get the basics covered well first, and then other academic subjects may be added in later. [Depending on the ages of your students, you may be able to adapt some ideas from Start with Reading, Handwriting, & Arithmetic, and Save the Rest for Later.]

A parent recently mentioned to me that her student had previously been given prescription medication to compensate for a learning disability while in public school, but he did not seem to have a need for the medication at home. The child also seemed to be struggling with that inconsistency — why was the medicine needed for learning at school, but it is not needed for learning at home? Let me bluntly say that I feel public schools have become much too liberal in assigning “disability” labels, and children are being over-medicated, sometimes needlessly medicated. I do not discount the possibility of children with legitimate problems in learning, but I also think medication should not be the first choice in conquering those problems.

If you are struggling with homeschooling, be encouraged — the first year is always the toughest. Remind yourself that you have chosen to homeschool your children for very important reasons. There is a definite adjustment period involved in switching from public school to homeschooling, and that period can last at least a year. If you are currently in the critical transition stage between public schools and homeschooling, I suggest you browse through my Indexes for a larger dose of encouragement. I will list a few past articles here for you to start with:
Questions from a First-time Homeschooler
Homeschooling Is Hard Work
Do the Best Job You Can, and Pray for God to Clean Up the Rest
What Didn’t Work for Today Can Be Changed for Tomorrow
Homeschooling an Only Child
Meatball Education: Filling in the Potholes of Public School
Spoken Destinies and Learned Behaviors
Are We Homeschooling or Schooling at Home?

Filed Under: Behavior, Deciding to Homeschool, Encouragement for Parents, Homeschool How-To's, Leaving Public School

Start with Reading, Handwriting, & Arithmetic, and Save the Rest for Later

January 4, 2006 by Leave a Comment

If you are just beginning your homeschool journey with a Kindergarten student, you may be wondering how much to teach him (or her; I use “him” generically). Many Moms who are eager to homeschool are busily planning lessons far in advance for elaborate historical reenactments or highly involved scientific experiments. I have often advocated that families just beginning to homeschool their wee ones should focus on just the “Three R’s” of reading, ‘riting, and ‘rithmetic without worrying about supplemental subjects until the mid-elementary years. Incredulous teacher-moms let a gasp escape from their open mouths and ask me if I am serious. I am.

I am also assuming that you have not allowed the past five or so years to slip by in silent inactivity. I am assuming that you have read books to your child, colored pictures with your child, sung songs, made crafts, played with puzzles, gone shopping and baked cookies together, and had all manner of delightful experiences together. You have most likely already taught your child how to count to 10, print his name, tie his shoes, sing the ABC song, and identify the colors in a box of eight crayons. You taught these skills without even thinking about it being “formal education.”

Now that you are ready to tackle “school,” you may find yourself wondering if history should come in chronological or geographical order. I say wait on the history. Wait on the geography and the science, too. Wait until at least fourth grade before introducing these more complex subjects. Your child needs to have a foundation of learning skills to build his education upon. Those learning skills are what you need to teach first — now.

Reading
Teach the ABC’s, if your child does not already know them. Teach your child the sounds made by each letter, not merely the letter “names.” For example, the letter “H” makes a “hah” sound, which is not really apparent when you simply call it by its name. Once your student knows the basic sounds made by each letter, he can understand how to string those sounds together to form simple words. Phonics lessons (free, downloadable lessons are linked here) can help you start with a simple order and progress in a manner that is not confusing to your child. Small, short-vowel words are the typical starting point, since they have no silent letters or other complicated rules. After your child has begun to read simple, short-vowel words, he will be able to comprehend the complexities of silent letters, consonant blends, and diphthongs (the new sounds made by combining consonants, such as “th” and “sh”).

Do not over-simplify learning to read (from your child’s perspective, it is difficult), and do not become frustrated if your child does not catch on immediately. You have probably been reading for at least fifteen years, so you have likely forgotten what a stressful experience it can be if rushed. Take it slowly, allowing plenty of time for your student to grasp each step, and encourage him for each accomplishment. The confidence you instill at this stage will serve your child well as he tries to read each new word, page, chapter, and book. Readers are made, not born. A child who becomes discouraged while learning to read is not likely to become a bookworm. A few children are eager to learn to read at four years of age, but also a few children (most often boys) may have difficulty grasping the concepts until age seven, eight, or nine. If your child does not respond well, put the lessons aside and wait a couple of days, a couple of weeks, or a couple of months, then try again. When you teach at a pace which allows the student to fully understand each component before moving on, the student who is ready to learn will show quick results. (Remind yourself that one of the reasons why you chose to homeschool was this exact one of working at your student’s pace, not forcing your student to comply with a scheduled academic calendar.)

Once your child begins reading, continue to expand his reading ability through advanced phonics studies and vocabulary-building exercises. This is a good time to introduce the dictionary for any unfamiliar words he finds in his reading material. I preferred to teach this by example, looking up a word with my students at my side, showing them the entry, and briefly explaining it. After a few repeats of that, I switched to asking them to get the dictionary for me, and before long, they were flipping through its pages, racing to be the first to find the word. Handling the large dictionary was a privilege that instilled in my students a fondness and longing for the secrets of knowledge it held. I did not want them to view “look it up” as a punishment, so I made sure they saw me using the dictionary often for personal reference. (I also kept the dictionary on a bookshelf in the kitchen, since that was where we usually were when a question arose, and it helped to remove the stigma that can accompany large, imposing reference books.)

Encourage your young reader to explore a variety of subjects through reading and let trips to the library become adventures in exploration, but hold off on the formal lessons in other areas until he has a firm grasp on the basics of reading, handwriting, and arithmetic, usually around fourth grade. Allowing your student to read as much as he wants on a subject will only whet his appetite for more information, providing you with an eager student who is already learning how to teach himself.

Handwriting
Along with visual recognition of letters comes the child’s natural attempts to reproduce them, but do not expect shaky fingers to produce beautiful calligraphy with the first try. As with any other life-skill, practice is necessary to develop excellence. Once again, discouragement can be a confidence-killer, but the wise parent will praise every legitimate attempt to train those fine-motor muscles to accomplish this new task.

When my children were in public Kindergarten, it was a common practice of their educational establishment to have “mentors” visit from the older classrooms. Students from the third or fourth grades were paired with the youngest learners for the purpose of being scribes: the younger student dictated a story while the older student wrote it down. While that works well in theory, I felt it did not work well in practice; most adults cannot write (or even type) as quickly as someone can dictate. The activity was intended to link reading skills with handwriting skills, but often limited the imagination of the younger child’s mind to the note-taking ability of the older student and resulted in a story that the Kindergartner could not read for himself. I heard many youngsters proudly proclaim to their parents, “I wrote this story!” When the enthused parents asked, “What does it say?” the confused authors had to admit, “I don’t know,” because they could not read the words that had been written for them.

In my opinion, beginning students should have opportunities to practice handwriting that do not involve creating stories… yet. We allow children to learn to read each letter/sound before we teach them to string those letters/sounds together to be read as words. We teach them to put those words together into short, easy-to-read sentences before we assign entire books for reading. We provide them with many beginner books before we offer them their first chapter book to read. I think the same system should be applied to handwriting — copying many letters, and then words, and finally simple sentences to gain mastery of the physical skill of handwriting — before the brain-exercise of creative writing is added into the mix.

I remember taking one of my favorite storybooks as a child and copying word after word, sentence after sentence, page after page into my Big Chief tablet. It was not assigned homework; it was my own idea, in order to practice this new skill called handwriting. Thinking up an original story requires an entirely different set of skills than the ones needed to put that story onto paper. Attempting too many new skills at once can leave the student muddled in confusion.

Arithmetic
Children need to have a solid understanding of number concepts before adding and subtracting will make sense to them. Most adults can quickly recognize the amount of money represented by an assortment of coins, but few five-year-olds have achieved that ability. Your Kindergartner will benefit from much practice in counting and sorting, learning to associate digits with their values. Once the basic concepts of 1-10 are mastered, the average child is ready to understand eleven, twelve, and so on, and the foundation is laid for understanding our numbering system based on units of ten. Carrying, borrowing, and even decimals are merely extensions of the basic unit of ten. Addition and subtraction are easily mastered by the child who fully understands number values.

Continuing practice and expanding the skill levels in each of these areas will fill the majority of your homeschool day. Obviously, the child working on these skills does not need to spend hours and hours at them each day. Most public school kindergartens operate for 2 1/2 to 3 hours each day, and large portions of that time are spent in recess, bathroom breaks, learning to stand in line, being reprimanded for talking out of turn, and the other necessities of large-group crowd control. It is common for a five-year-old child to complete a full day of homeschool classes in under an hour, and that time can be divided up into smaller blocks throughout the day, depending on the child’s attention span and the other needs of the household (for example, if Mom’s attention must be shared with an infant sibling).

No one would consider building a house by starting with the roof: the foundation must come first. So it is with education: learning to read is the foundation for education. That base must be securely in place before other things are attached to it. Reading is the visual recognition of language; handwriting is the physical application of that language. Understanding the values represented by numbers and using them to count are the equivalents of understanding the sounds represented by letters and using those letters to form words. Patiently wait until your child is reading fluently to add other formal academic studies, such as history, geography, and science. Help your child develop a love of reading first, and then let the pleasure of reading lead him into other areas. And, by all means, please continue to read books to your child, color pictures with your child, sing songs, make crafts, play with puzzles, go shopping and bake cookies together, and have all manner of delightful experiences together.

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Encouragement for Parents, Homeschool How-To's, Math, Phonics, Reading, Scheduling, Writing

Questions from a First-time Homeschooler

December 1, 2005 by 1 Comment

I recently received an email from a new-to-homeschooling mom, asking several questions and expressing her anxiety over the first year of educating her children at home. Due to a glitch in the email system, her letter arrived with an incomplete email address, preventing me from answering her personally. Since her questions and comments (listed below in bold type) are of such general interest, allow me to answer them here in a more public forum and thereby share my advice, encouragement, and links to related articles with others who may need them also.

Dear Jane Doe,
What you referred to as the anxiety-producing elements of homeschooling are exactly the same as what I refer to as the guilt-producing aspects. My initial reaction to any homeschooling dilemma I encountered was certainly anxiety, followed quickly by guilt if and when I neglected to address the problem. I am convinced that each and every homeschooling parent deals with these feelings from time to time (which is why this website exists!). Please do not feel that you are alone; we have all been there.

You asked how to avoid the thoughts that intrude on your daily routine. I wish I knew. However, while I do not know how to prevent the thoughts from entering one’s head, I can recommend some ways I dealt with the thoughts once they occurred:
— I ignored them.
— I reminded myself of why we chose to do what we were doing.
— I made a list of our reasons for homeschooling and referred to it often.
— I talked to other homeschooling parents, and we encouraged each other.

What if I miss something?
Many new homeschooling families wonder if they are covering enough material, if they are doing enough activities, or if they are missing some important areas altogether. My advice is to take on this project of homeschooling in the same way you would take on any other project: make a plan, and then follow it. Begin by planning how to cover the academic basics: language & grammar, mathematics, science, history. Include the areas that are important to your family’s values: Bible, manners, sex education (from your family’s point of view). Add a few independent living skills as the opportunities arise: cooking, laundry, money management, home repair, auto maintenance. Balance it all out with your students’ areas of personal interests: music, sports, art, drama, animal care. Once you have taught your student how to teach himself through reading and research, you can turn him loose to learn any other supplemental things his little heart desires.

Obviously, a Kindergarten student does not need the same aggressive academic program that a high school student needs. Beginners and early elementary students need to master reading, handwriting, counting, adding, and subtracting before they can fully understand the concepts of history, geography, and science (subjects which can wait to be introduced until 4th grade). [See Where Do I Begin? and Too Much, Too Fast = Burnout]

What if the public school students are ahead in something?
Focus on what your student is doing and what your student needs help in. Your student may be ahead in some areas and behind in others, but it also may not matter very much in the grand scheme of things. (By the time they began high school, my students were ahead of their peers in mathematics and public speaking skills, but far behind their public-schooled peers in foul language and sexual promiscuity.) Back when we were all first-time parents, we were told not to worry about whose child rolled over first, whose child crawled first, or whose child got the first tooth. We were told that by the time they all were fifteen years old, no one would be able to tell which child did what first. The same applies to homeschooling: once our children reach their forties, no one will know (or care) at what age they first learned to use punctuation.

When my child misbehaves, is it because we are homeschooling?
It might be; but it might not be. If your child is objecting to pursuing education at home, behavior issues may occur. It may also be attributed to lesson plans that are not suited to your child’s style of learning. For example, if you are presenting a lesson on volume by merely asking your child to read the explanation in the math book, but your child would learn better by stacking and counting sugar cubes, the child just may not be “getting it” and is acting out his frustration. Another time the child may be bored because the material is too simple and would benefit from moving on to more advanced lessons. [See Learning Styles and Kids Will Be Kids]

What if they grow up to resent my homeschooling them?
Resentment can come from many sources. Immature people (regardless of age) resent anyone’s attempts to influence them. An immature child may temporarily resent being pulled away from what he or she considers to be social contacts of major importance. With maturity will come the realization that Mom and Dad knew best and did what they felt they had to do.

Some may point out that not every family claiming to “homeschool” is doing an adequate job. In the worst cases, I have to say that students can be truant from homeschooling as well as truant from public schooling, but both cases are more likely to be the result of parental neglect than educational neglect. In such situations, the lack of parental involvement will be resented more than the lack of schooling. [See “Parent” Is a Verb]

I know I should relax… I don’t want constant worry to ruin the experience.
Are you doing the best job that you can do at this time? Are you trying to learn what you can do to improve upon your weaknesses? That is all anyone can ask of you. Take one step at a time, handle one task at a time, and tackle one day at a time. You and your children are in this experience together — work together as a team and discover new things together. No one is ever too old to learn something new: education is a life-long process. As you focus on the experiences themselves, you will begin to realize how much your children (and you) are learning, instead of worrying about what your students are possibly missing. [See Do the Best Job You Can…]

I feel that God has called me to do this and that He wouldn’t ask me to do it and then not help me.
Very true. What God asks us to do, He also equips us to do. Now trust Him that He still knows what He is doing.

Every homeschooler I have ever spoken with has gone through the same thoughts of guilt or anxiety at some point in time. Some of us are able to overcome our feelings of inadequacy quickly, and others of us take a little longer and need more encouragement. Reach out to other homeschoolers you know and share your experiences with them. Chances are good that you will find that they have gone through the exact same emotions. However, a positive byproduct of sharing is that you will learn from each other, and you both may come away with some new techniques to try or some new ideas for activities and lessons. You may even decide to get your students together for group activities or field trips.

When I reached my second September as a homeschooling parent, I began to feel better about what I was doing. I had gone through this process at least once before, and I began to feel like a “veteran.” The longer I homeschooled my children, the more experience I had to fall back on, and the more I knew about my students and the ways in which they learned. I have said before that the first year of homeschooling is often the most difficult because it is entirely uncharted territory, both for the teacher and for the students. Do not give up too quickly. Be encouraged — your worst days may already be behind you.

[For further information on this topic, see Surviving the First Year of Homeschooling after Leaving Public School.]

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Encouragement for Parents, Homeschool How-To's

Homeschooling Is Hard Work

August 1, 2005 by Leave a Comment

As a young man, my father-in-law built houses. I doubt if he would have called it easy, and I think I could go so far as to say that building a house is hard work. But I am also quite sure he would have called it satisfying work, enjoyable work, and well worth the required effort. I watched him one day as he walked into my neighbor’s home, looked around a bit at the structural lines, and said, “Yep, I built this one.” The frame was many decades older, remodeling projects had changed a wall here and there, and the latest occupants had never seen it in its prime, but the master craftsman could still recognize his work.

Many things we do each day can be considered enjoyable and satisfying, even though they also fall into the category of hard work. Stripping the bed linens and stuffing them into the washing machine can be a chore, especially when bedrooms and laundry room are several floors apart. Carrying a basket of wet sheets outdoors and hanging them on the clothesline is also not an effortless task, but the sun-dried scent of clean cotton defies description. The delight of lying down upon cool, crisp bedding after a wearying day somehow trivializes the amount of work it took to accomplish the task.

Homeschooling your children is hard work. In the midst of this grueling task, we often have to remind ourselves of what our goal is and how much we will appreciate the reward when that job has been well done. Homeschooling can be either complicated or simplified in many ways, based on the tools we choose to use and the extravagance of the details we decide to add. If we have chosen the proper equipment to fit our task, we can progress smoothly — some days barely working up a sweat. At other times, we may compare our progress to hanging pictures with a sledgehammer and railroad spikes — it will get the job done, but the results may be less than desirable.

From time to time I found our homeschool “product” becoming less than satisfactory: the children were not learning the material as easily as I had anticipated, some or all of us were frustrated with the presentation of material, or some or all of us became bored with the materials, the lesson format, or schooling in general. Those were the times when teaching and/or learning were becoming hard work, with few rewards to maintain our focus or enjoyment of the task.

The first time this happened, we were brand new to homeschooling. I had purchased an all-in-one language arts program that was becoming very popular with the other homeschoolers I knew. My daughter looked at the material with some apprehension, but faithfully gave it a try. Day after day, we worked together on the lessons, and day after day she became more frustrated. One part of the lessons required me to dictate a story excerpt to her while she transcribed it into a notebook. As simple as that seemed in theory, it was tremendously difficult in practice. As we pressed on through increasingly trying days, I began to analyze the process, hoping to determine what was making this so hard. After all, the homeschool families I had talked with told me how their children progressed from one lesson to the next without difficulty — what were we doing wrong? Our first two months of homeschooling made us question our motives along with our sanity: how could we possibly continue on this path for an entire year, let alone multiple years?

It finally became evident that we were following the instructions accurately as laid out by the curriculum’s publisher, but their plan of action for this particular subject just did not fit our needs at this time. Heart-to-heart discussions with my daughter revealed what she was hoping to receive from homeschooling. Her public school classrooms had too few books to go around, and the students were required to copy their lessons into notebooks instead of writing directly in the workbooks. My daughter’s vision of homeschooling included being allowed to write in her very own workbook! I grabbed my stack of curriculum catalogs, and together we read through the descriptions, looking for a program that would meet her expectations besides providing the basic grade level instruction. As soon as the parcel-delivery service brought the desired package, our homeschool days underwent an amazing transformation. My student had her first personal work-text to write in, without any reprimands for doodling in the margins or plastering each completed page with “job well-done” stickers, gold stars, and smiley faces. The stigma of her public school experience was suddenly vanquished, and she became an overnight homeschooling enthusiast. We were no longer bashing the walls with sledgehammer and oversized spikes: we had the proper tools for our job.

Houses do not get built in a day (except through the “magic” of television), and children do not obtain an education overnight. Homeschooling takes dedication, hard work, and a little sweat, but hopefully not too many tears. While still in the midst of your mission, you can look around to see what has been accomplished so far, and from that obtain the encouragement needed to see this project through to completion. The reward will come when one day you look at the finished product and recognize a job well done.

Filed Under: Curriculum Choices, Deciding to Homeschool, Encouragement for Parents, Homeschool How-To's, Leaving Public School, Roadblocks to Learning

How Long Should I Homeschool?

June 29, 2005 by Leave a Comment

When considering whether to homeschool your children, you may also be pondering how long to homeschool or if homeschooling can be used as a remedial alternative for a child who is lagging behind in public school. I have found that there are as many opinions on the length of time to homeschool as there are reasons to homeschool and methods to use.

Some families choose to start their children out with homeschooling, desiring to give their children a firm foundation from home and then sending them off to public school once the elementary years are completed. Others will keep their children at home until time for high school, reasoning that the junior high/middle school years are difficult enough by themselves without the trials of the public school atmosphere. Many homeschooling families educate their children all the way through to high school graduation and then send their offspring to college, while a few families utilize distance learning programs to complete college from home as well.

I have noticed a tendency in some families to “yo-yo schooling” — send the kiddies to school for a while, then teach them at home for a year or two, send them back to school, bring them home again, etc. Overall, children (and the teaching parents) need more continuity in the educational process than can be gained from bouncing back and forth. Since homeschooling usually uses different curricula from what the public schools use, there will be some uncertainty in the amount of progress made each time the student changes facilities. A few particularly obstinate school administrators have refused to accept part or all of the work students have done at home, creating even more inconsistencies. While homeschooling can be an effective way for the struggling student to get back up to grade level, it is my opinion that it is not a good plan to send that same student back to the institution that caused the problem in the first place. [See my previous article on Homeschooling Failures I Have Known… and What Can Be Learned from Them for some true-life examples of families who suffered from the yo-yo syndrome.]

I have groped for the proper words to address parents who told me they intended to send their little ones to public school first and then homeschool them for junior high, “when they really need it.” Pardon my bluntness, but it may be too late by then. My daughter began showing signs of the you’re-only-my-parent-what-could-you-possibly-know attitude as early as second grade, and it was fully functioning by the end of her third grade year. Her progress in every subject was showing a drastic decline throughout fourth grade, at the end of which we removed her from the public school system. Since then, I have observed children who despised their parents’ influence from even younger ages. Yes, your sweet little darlings are the image of innocence and devotion at three or four years old, but it will not take long for their values to be compromised under the strong influence of public school peer pressure and bullying (which is not limited to just students: teachers are just as effective at bullying and manipulation as the students are). Classroom pressures only increase as time goes by, and children who are in elementary classes now are exposed to things that were not even mentioned in my high school classes. Do you really believe those influences will be beneficial to your children?

Job transfers or terminations can happen to anyone, bringing major upheaval to the family routine, sometimes including relocations to unfamiliar territory. Homeschooling families are also not immune to tragedy and death: I have mourned with those who have lost children and even spouses. Yet homeschooling can continue. Creative scheduling has enabled many working parents to supervise their students’ education while still providing the necessary family income. Students who have learned to teach themselves can carry on a great deal of their home education independently even if major setbacks arise to hinder your efforts. My daughter found the routine of doing math lessons to be a valuable coping strategy for the stress of having two grandparents near death at the same time.

While the idea of homeschooling for the next 13+ years can be overwhelming at first thought, I recommend focusing on only one or two years at a time. Reassure yourself that you can complete this task and plan for doing just that, but choose not to look too closely at all that the future holds, lest you scare yourself away from attempting it. Once we as a family had recognized the benefits of homeschooling over public school, we knew there could be no turning back for us, but to consider how much work lay ahead of us was a very daunting prospect indeed. However, my children were currently in elementary school, not high school, and I realized that I had several years to figure out how I would handle the harder subjects once we arrived at that level. I was able to learn many things right along with my students, and our progress came one year at a time: we did not tackle chemistry or calculus until we had the foundations properly laid for them.

My children extended homeschooling into the college realm by attending a few classes during their high school years and then living at home while completing an Associate of Arts degree from our local community college. I proofread college papers at their request and offered suggestions for changes before the final editions were handed in. Occasionally, I was called upon as a sounding board as they attempted to explain their college lessons to me in an effort to better understand the concepts — proving the old saying that the best way to learn something yourself is to teach it to someone else.

How long should you homeschool? No one can predict exactly what your future will hold or what obstacles to homeschooling may cross your path, but I personally recommend doing everything possible to homeschool your children through high school graduation. The benefits of individualized learning at home and the consistency of steady progress will provide the momentum needed to carry you and your students through the years that you dedicate to education at home.

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Homeschool v. Public School, Leaving Public School

Can You Convince My Husband to Homeschool?

April 8, 2005 by 3 Comments

Here is another goodie from my email box: Do you have any magic words or potions to convince my husband that homeschooling is truly the best thing for our children? –Frustrated Mom

To begin with, a wife should be willing to submit to whatever her husband decides, since he is the head of their household. Sometimes, just seeing that his wife has agreed to let him make the decision is enough to sway a husband into reconsidering a matter. If he already knows how strongly she feels about this issue, maybe he just needs to know that he has an important role in making the decision. Many husbands will have pre-conceived ideas about education to deal with, so they need plenty of time and space for thinking things through. Be faithful, be submissive, and leave it in God’s hands. After all, God is big enough to change the mind and heart of even the most stubborn person — look what He did to Saul (Paul) in the book of Acts.

If you are a new reader to this site, I am going to suggest several of my previous articles which include helpful background information that may help you answer your spouse’s questions about homeschooling. These are for the pro-homeschool spouse to read (whether husband or wife), since shoving them under your mate’s nose would be likely to produce the wrong effect entirely. If your spouse becomes more interested later, you will probably be asked where you found your information. These articles were not written for the purpose of browbeating a spouse into submission to homeschooling, but as you read them, you will likely come across situations you had not considered before. Use those topics for open, honest discussion with each other about how homeschooling will change your lives, in both positive and negative ways. Listen to your spouse’s concerns with an open mind, knowing that the more you discuss, the more you will understand each other’s point of view, and the more you will come into agreement with each other — regardless of what decision is made.

Start here for the basics, the most frequently asked questions relating to homeschooling:
Common Homeschooling Myths Dispelled — many commonly held (but false) beliefs about homeschooling
Socialization and Why You Don’t Need It — addresses the dreaded S-question (a.k.a. The Socialization Myth, Part 1)
The Socialization Myth, part 2 — ditto
The Myth of Age-Mates — ditto, again
Discouraging Families — how to deal with in-laws and others who may disagree with a decision to homeschool

Your husband may also be mulling over how the change to homeschooling will affect other areas of your lives:
–Increased workload for you — see Where Do I Begin? and Using Your Household Staff
–No time away from the children — see Family is Spelled T-E-A-M, and Siblings as Best Friends
–Financial burden of purchasing curriculum and supplies — see But Public School Is Free…Won’t Homeschooling Cost a Lot?
He may even worry that he could lose your attention, since your focus would be turned to the children most of the time. (See Involving Dads in Homeschooling)

If you know any other homeschooling families, you might consider putting together a casual fun night with them and your family, or ask if your family can attend a homeschool group function with them. That way your husband can get to know some of the other dads and see first-hand how things work. Men often relate better to hands-on activities than to reams of printed information, so the more face-to-face, eyewitness contacts you can provide, the better your case will be made. The same things apply to children who are not “sold” on homeschooling: providing an opportunity for them to spend time with homeschooled children near their ages lets your children see the “kid’s eye view.”

We spent several months checking things out before we actually began homeschooling: we made our decision in early April, finished out the school year in public school (not easy when the school was very unsatisfactory), talked with other homeschooling families over the summer, then began our first year of homeschooling in September. (We tried to start in late August, but –wouldn’t you know it — I got my first call to jury duty! Lesson #1: Life happens; homeschooling is flexible.) The more interaction we had with other homeschooling parents, the more assured we were in our decision. We attended potluck picnics with two different homeschool support groups, allowing our children to meet new friends and interact with them while we talked with the parents. We visited the home of at least one homeschooling family, who graciously answered all our questions as well as they could and encouraged us to interview their children for their opinions. That Mom also loaned me a stack of books and magazines about homeschooling to fill my summer. As I read every word, I took notes on the best parts, recording which book they were from. I still have that notebook and refer to it occasionally when I need an encouraging boost.

The first year of homeschooling can be very difficult, — do not let anyone tell you otherwise!!! Removing your children from public school to switch to homeschooling is more difficult than starting to homeschool from preschool or Kindergarten level. However, the second year of homeschooling is infinitely easier because you realize you have done this once before, and each successive year continues to get easier as you develop your own personal, comfortable routine. (See Homeschool Failures I Have Known and What Can Be Learned from Them) If you are leaving “school” to begin homeschooling, you may find an area or two of weakness. (See Meatball Education: Filling in the Potholes of Public School)

Our personal testimony of choosing, then continuing, homeschooling can be found in Our Reasons for Homeschooling and Start Homeschooling for One Reason, but Continue for Another. Also see Homeschool Beginnings: A Child’s Point of View for my daughter’s testimony of what she experienced during the switch.

Finally, see Do the Best Job You Can and Pray for God to Clean Up the Rest. It is not worth strife in your home to have Mom and Dad at odds with each other over this decision. If you are not able to homeschool, or cannot begin as soon as you would like, your children will survive. Millions of us made it through public school, even though homeschooling may have been a much better option. Only God knows what your future holds, so you must trust that God can guide your husband’s decision. Your willingness to abide by your husband’s decision in this matter will provide its own rewards. You face your hardest job right now — that of being the patient wife and mother who hides her emotions so as not to manipulate or cloud the facts.

No matter how strongly I may feel about homeschooling, I know that God has ordained our husbands to be the heads of our homes, and God will honor our obedience to our husbands. Only God can truly convince a person’s heart of what He wants them to do. Be patient, be supportive, and be faithful in prayer for God’s best for your spouse and for your children. God can handle the rest.

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Leaving Public School

Time for Kindergarten Round-Up?

March 16, 2005 by Leave a Comment

Time has flown by — it seems as if just a few months ago you were teaching your baby to walk and to talk. How can it be time for your little one to go to Kindergarten Round-Up already? Now you have more worries on your mind than just childproofing the kitchen cabinets. You have heard rumors of how bad the public schools have become — but does that include your district? You might know someone who homeschools their children, but you have never seriously considered it yourself… until now.

Will it really hurt to send Little One to Kindergarten? How much harm could be done in just one year? You had thought about having a little more time to yourself once Little One went off to school. You could look into the Christian school… You have taught him to count to ten, and he knows most of his letters. Isn’t it harder to teach him to read?

There are many positive elements to keeping your precious Little One at home for school, and there are just as many negative elements to sending him off to the classroom. As harmless as Kindergarten may seem, it has probably changed a great deal since you last looked. You remember the bad attitudes that you or your classmates waited until Junior High or High School to pick up, but your child may meet them in the early elementary grades. You remember your sex education classes, but now they begin in Kindergarten and include instruction about AIDS. Public school teachers have less authority than ever to discipline unruly students, and new Zero Tolerance policies have nearly completed the transformation into one-size-fits-all institutions. Is that really where you want to send your Little One for the next 13 years?

Educating your children at home is not difficult. You can begin Kindergarten merely by reading storybooks together and continuing the many informal playtime activities that you and your child have enjoyed for the past few years. Teaching reading is simplified with a basic phonics program — starting with letter sounds, and then combining those sounds to make simple words. Arithmetic is much more difficult to spell than it is to teach. Counting and sorting, the basic steps to math, are easily accomplished with everything from building blocks to M & M candies.

Social interaction is much more easily taught without the roomful of competing students. You and your child can play board games and card games together — teaching your child the fine arts of patience, taking turns, and sportsmanship. You and your child will be able to continue spending the best hours of the day together, fresh and full of enthusiasm. You will be mentoring life skills while running errands or grocery shopping, preparing meals, and tidying up the house together. Your child will participate in life as it really happens, not just hear about it from the isolation of a classroom environment. Educating your children at home does not have to make tremendous changes to your everyday routine, but adapting your household to the rigid schedule of public school does require great dedication.

My own desires for personal time paled in comparison to the value of my children. Although my children did begin in public school, I have regretted that decision. Once my own stubborn mind recognized the benefits of homeschooling, we gladly left the government institution. The public school environment had caused major changes in my children’s attitudes. Homeschooling gave us a complete turn-around, back to the family-first values we held dear.

Homeschooling provides a high-quality, one-on-one education in the loving, safe, and fun environment of your home and family. More families begin homeschooling with each passing year, and there are more excellent materials to choose from each year. I encourage every family reading this to consider homeschooling before you send your precious offspring down the street to public school. Your children are much too valuable to leave to chance.

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Homeschool How-To's, Homeschool v. Public School, Preschoolers
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