Archives for 0

Homeschool Support Groups & Co-op Classes: The Basics

My offer to write a series of articles on support groups and co-op classes is being well received: many of you would like to start support groups or expand your groups to offer a few classes. Some others, however, are new to both of these concepts and have asked for clarification — a good idea, since readers of this site cover all parts of the planet and local phraseology does not. I will attempt to define my terms, especially for our home education partners in Great Britain and Australia whose online journal entries can leave me puzzling over our common language. For those who have not experienced any of these efforts and for those who may have experienced them but called them by different names, here is what I mean.

Homeschool Support Groups consist of like-minded families meeting to encourage each other, share ideas, form playgroups, fellowship together through picnics or potluck dinners (each family bringing a couple of dishes to share with all other families), field trips, sports teams, etc. “Like-minded” in this case refers to families who participate in educating their children at home, regardless of which homeschooling method is used. Children can also be encouraging to each other, not just the adults, since all of the children share similar (though not identical) homeschooling situations. Some groups may wish to specialize further by focusing on a particular method such as “classical homeschooling,” “unit studies,” or “the Charlotte Mason method.’ [Groups may also wish to differentiate themselves by specific religious affiliation: Christian, Jewish, LDS, pagan, etc. More on this here.]

Co-op Classes are a cooperative effort among several families or a support group to supplement their children’s home education by working together on large group projects. These may range from simple to elaborate and may meet only once or on a regularly scheduled basis, but the topics covered should involve areas that are difficult to do at home with only one family. Some activities (such as knitting) are best taught at home with only a few students participating; others (team sports, for example) often do not work best in the home, needing a larger space or more participants to present the subject matter in the most effective manner. Cooperating with other families for certain endeavors can bring together a larger group of students while still maintaining the spirit of homeschooling. This is not forming a private school but applying homeschooling methods to a group larger than just one family.

Moms’ Meetings are monthly business meetings for the purposes of discussion, planning, fellowship, and sharing ideas. Nursing babies were always welcome in the groups I attended, but other children and Dads were occupied elsewhere, giving the mothers time to share each other’s burdens and offer helpful advice or plan future group events. Some meetings included devotional time or a member sharing a brief topical presentation of interest to the group (such as Motivating Reluctant Students). Meetings were usually held in the evening; some were held in homes (for a small group), while a rather large group met in a church meeting room. Refreshments were as varied as the members: some provided ice water only, others had multiple desserts, coffee, and tea. (Since many of us are often limiting our calorie intake and the meetings took place after the evening meal, simple beverages were usually all that was desired.) Note: I do not intend to offend or exclude the fathers who homeschool their children and often find themselves in the minority at group events almost exclusively populated by women. For simplicity, I have let the majority rule prevail.

Gym Nights required securing a local gymnasium for use by our group, and the Dads took turns organizing simple games for the children and supervising a period of playtime while the Moms were occupied at their meeting. Sometimes the older children were separated from the younger children (for safety’s sake), and outdoor activities were provided when the weather allowed. Other times the entire group was divided into balanced teams for games. My son was a big fan of “Capture the Flag,” a game where strategy was often more valuable than athletic prowess, and players of all ages and sizes could be valuable assets to their team. Since many Dads were present, there were always plenty of eyes to supervise little people and not just the one or two Dads who were in charge of planning that night’s events.

Field Trips mean going to a location for a tour or demonstration. Examples: arranging a visit to a bakery, printing shop, or small factory where the owner tells the children a little about running his business. [more ideas here]

Group Events may present the results of a class. Examples: art fair, vocal music performance, or drama performance. Other types of special events hosted by the group may include standardized testing, taking individual “school” photos, or a sports tournament. [more ideas here]

Any of these events may occur only one time, or they may be repeated on a regular basis — as often or as seldom as your group desires. I have participated with four different support groups; one group met twice a month for co-op classes and one evening each month for the Moms’ Meeting/Gym Night. Another group held one special event day per month, but did not do formal “classes.” I recommend planning each spring for the next year’s group schedule. Many families may want to work the group schedule into the theme of their own lessons, so advance planning is very important for them. I have heard of groups that meet once each week, but our curriculum plans would have made it difficult for us to participate weekly. As with all other scheduling, be sure you (the parents) are governing the schedule for your family, not in submission to it. Participate in events outside your home when they are convenient or beneficial to your family, but do not allow them to become more important than your family unity. When putting your family first, you are allowed to say “no” Guilt-Free.

Our April Moms’ Meeting was an idea session where we took suggestions for classes, events, and field trips from all members of the group. Then very dedicated planning committees (separate committees for classes & field trips) met once or twice during the next four weeks to organize the schedule and delegate responsibilities, and the final results were announced at the May Moms’ Meeting. One of the Moms had a friend who raised ostriches; she suggested a field trip to learn all about them, scheduled a date, and made the arrangements with the owner for a visit to the ostrich ranch. Another family had a son with a very successful hobby of raising tropical fish, and he offered to teach a two-session class on aquarium basics. (Students who taught classes got the added benefit of public speaking experience in a friendly, informal atmosphere.) Each family has something to share with the group, whether it is organizational skills or a hobby they can demonstrate. Ideas can range from a one-time, one-hour presentation to a semester of coaching drama rehearsals, culminating in the performance of a play.

Once I took up the challenge of working with another Mom to organize a very involved science-themed event that brought together families from four different support groups and covered homeschoolers in ten counties, a radius of approximately 50 miles. Response was so tremendous that we actually had to split the entire group in half and plan the two separate events simultaneously. It was a massive organizational triumph of multiple classes and field trips that came off nearly perfectly, but the grand scale was nothing I wish to repeat in this lifetime. The biggest lessons I learned from the undertaking were a) I am capable of much more than I had suspected, and b) never get involved in planning something with Mrs. I-can-do-it-all-and-more. (My daughter has reminded me to add c) how much I appreciate my daughter’s computer savvy for databases and spreadsheets!)

Now that you all understand what I am talking about, I will address deeper aspects of support groups, co-op classes, field trips, etc. While you are waiting for the next article to appear, you can begin brainstorming and write down your own ideas of things you would like to do with your own children or in combination with other families. Happy thinking!

[For more information on cooperative classes and group activities, visit Topical Index: Co-op Groups.]

Thinking About Next Year?

This is the time when many of you are beginning to think about your next school year. Jenny is prompting me to write a series of articles on the homeschool co-op groups and classes we participated in to give you a few more ideas to think about. While that opens up a vast realm of topic areas, I would like to begin with what you, our readers, want to know first. If you do not currently have a co-op group (but may be interested in starting one), or if your current group would like to expand into holding a large-group class or two, we may be able to offer a few pointers — such as mistakes we made that you could avoid. So, speak up — leave your comments or email us. Otherwise, you will be subjected to my rambling from topic to topic and, maybe, eventually covering the one thing you really need to know, if I get there at all. :-)

[For more information on cooperative classes and group activities, visit our Topical Index section on Co-op Groups.]

Stereotypes Proven (in reverse) at College Orientation

As our son is completing his Associate degree at our local community college, we are taking the needed steps to transfer his educational studies to a state university for the completion of his Bachelor degree. A part of this process meant spending one day recently at Orientation Day at The Big U. Transferring students were occupied in one building with academic counseling and advising, registering for fall classes, getting ID pictures taken, and sampling the student union’s food court. Parents were whisked away to another building on the large campus and submitted to a bevy of speakers from the faculty and staff. (Our lunch will not be mentioned, except to admit that I snobbishly opted to drink my ice water from a coffee cup, rather than the dirty glasses that were offered.)

Since this is our second child to advance through college, we were already somewhat familiar with the routine. However, I did find quite a few differences from the small, private colleges our daughter attended. It seems that the stereotypes we have all heard attributed to homeschooling are true — in some respects. The stereotypes addressed were all things that have been actual problems at The University: the ultra-shy student who has no clue how to talk to people or make friends, the student who cannot get himself up in the morning and off to class on time, the student who is confused by the class material and cannot or will not ask questions of the professor, the student who has never taken notes in class, never studied for a test, never written a paper, never experienced “real” school. However, these stereotypes were not pointed at homeschooled students but at the public school students!

At first, I felt offended that these staff members would dare to assume that my student fell into any of these categories. As the question-and-answer sessions continued, I began to realize that most of the parents in the room had such children. The full scope of this was mind-boggling to me. These administrators are used to seeing students of this type. They expected only slightly better from our group of transfers students who have attended some college classes already, but since our students have only been to community college, they still do not really know what real college work is like. (Read with patronizing tone of voice, smirk, and head-bobbing wink.) Never mind the fact that our son has managed to survive classes from big-fish-in-a-small-pond professor-wannabe teachers who maniacally assigned graduate-level work to their freshmen and sophomores to “get you used to it.”

Two moms at our table nodded along with the speaker, agreeing that yes, in fact, their sons were painfully shy waifs who would never speak to a stranger or attempt in any way to establish a friendship with someone who was not already a lifelong acquaintance. Your child must be like that, too, they mistakenly presumed of us. As though perfectly timed and rehearsed, my husband and I laughed and responded in unison, “No. He’s not like that at all.” I continued, “If you see a crowd of people and hear a burst of laughter, our son will be at the center of it.” When we met up with our son later, he had indeed made several new friends in his field of study, shot a few games of pool with them over the lunch break, and signed up for a class with at least one of them. (Should I be feeling sorry for the poor public schooled introverts upon whom we are inflicting this homeschooled wonder?)

Among other important topics (such as meningitis can be spread through sharing a Chapstick), we were also informed of what must be a relatively new phenomenon in the world of higher education: Sudden Onset Reading Disability. I am not making this up. The woman stood at the front of the room and reported this with a straight face. Students are coming to the university who have gone all the way through high school, perhaps some community college, and then they suddenly develop an inability to read properly. I had to hold myself down in my chair to avoid jumping up and ripping the microphone away from her, proclaiming the freedom parents have to teach reading through phonics in homeschooling. Those kids never knew how to read! I wanted to scream. They were just passed through the system because identifying the problem would mean admitting the system’s failures!!! Through tremendous exertion of self-control and wrapping my legs around the chair’s legs, I managed to restrain myself in relative silence and not start a riot, because, after all, this particular university is known nation-wide for producing new public school teachers. (Am I allowed to pray to keep the computer-science-major boy far away from the education-major girls?)

Parents, if you are homeschooling your children now, be encouraged that you are doing the right thing. Explore all facets of learning and help your students develop a thirst for knowledge that will last a lifetime and the skills to satisfy that thirst on their own. Expand your home education to include more than just textbooks, more than just worksheets, more than just the four walls of your home. I am seeing more evidence every day that homeschooling truly provides the best opportunities for an excellent education and results in well-rounded students who know how to tackle the problems life presents. To any parents who are not currently homeschooling, but are beginning to consider it more seriously, it is my strongly held belief that you can do nothing better for your children than to teach them yourselves at home — and the latest crop of college entrants seems to prove it.

Disadvantages of Homeschooling

[This article is intended to be satire and should be taken as such. For more information on homeschooling, visit any of the other articles on this website.]

Most people will agree that the one-on-one tutoring of homeschooling has some distinct advantages for the student. However, those same people will point out that there are also many disadvantages to homeschooling, besides the obvious reduction to only one spouse’s income while the other remains at home to teach the kiddies. Devout homeschoolers promptly argue that they find rewards in teaching their children at home far beyond what they could derive from a second income, but is there more to the story? Let us take a deeper look into some of the other disadvantages of homeschooling.

1) No certification of teachers — Instead of highly educated, state-certified professionals, homeschoolers must leave their children in the care of the parents. The latest, university-recommended, state-of-the-art, leading-edge, experimental teaching techniques are replaced by a 24/7 relationship based merely on familial love and first-hand knowledge of the entire family situation. Long-used, old-fashioned methods must suffice.

2) Removing the “best learners” from the classroom — Parents who choose to homeschool are removing the “cream of the crop,” and leaving the public school teachers to deal with the dregs of society. The teacher who explained this stated that once the easy-to-teach, eager-to-learn, “good” children have all been transferred by their parents to education at home, her job will be much more difficult as she would have to work at teaching the remaining “hard” students. Parents should, therefore, leave their children in public school to make the teachers’ jobs easier.

3) Extreme organizational skills required — Homeschoolers should maintain perfect order in their homes at all times, oversee the storage of every book, workbook, writing assignment, art project, and science experiment, and supervise all reading, writing, and mathematical computation. In order to verify a quality education, it should be absolutely necessary to produce all previous student work as proof of proper understanding. Attendance charts, grade books, and records of all homeschool-related spending should also be mandatory.

4) Life in a Bubble — Homeschoolers have no opportunity to experience life in multi-cultural classrooms. Homeschoolers are restricted to their family experiences, which are limited to their own biased lifestyle. Homeschooled students usually do not hold classes on drug use and abuse, s*x education, or alternative lifestyles, and therefore will see a naive, Pollyanna-like view of the world.

5) No socialization — Homeschooled students are primarily only-children whose families live in extremely remote areas and never visit anyone. They also never shop in stores or go to the doctor or dentist. They have no friends, no extended families, and no church. They steer far away from scouting, organized recreational sports, and all other club-type activities. Since these homeschoolers have no opportunities to attend prom or participate in team sports or vocal/instrumental musical groups, they will obviously never meet members of the opposite s*x, never engage in casual dating, and, therefore, never marry. (However, this should prevent any future generations of homeschoolers and set at ease the minds of public educators who are worried about job security.)

6) No breaks from your children — It would be like having the dreaded summer break last all year: the children would not leave in late August and be gone until early June. They would not be occupied Monday through Friday with an 8-3 schedule, supplemented by evening and weekend events, nor would they have homework to fill their remaining time. Instead, they would be at home, every day, all the time.

7) No age grouping — Homeschooled children are not grouped with others their exact age, except for the infrequent case of a twin sibling. They are subjected to a world full of adults.

8) No peer influences — No group of fashionistas to advise your daughters on the latest in haute couture. No group of super-jocks to initiate your sons with long celebrated locker-room rituals.

9) No yearly shopping trip for back-to-school items — No longer would parents have good reason for racing to the back-to-school aisles as soon as they are stocked in early July. Homeschooled students will be totally ignorant that their recently selected fashions will have become outdated (by public school standards) as soon as October, and they will continue wearing the clothing for as long as it fits.

10) No riding the school bus — A vital part of any quality education, no bus rides also means a lack of experience with “pecking order,” the right of older students to control who is allowed to sit in which seat. Homeschooled students are fated to take their field trips in the family car/van, confined by the seatbelts and airbags which are not required in buses.

11) No schedules — Homeschoolers rarely have to keep to a time schedule, which will cause them to become inherently lazy. While home educators are expected to teach specific subjects and hold classes every day, their students are not under pressure to be up by a certain time each morning, rush to catch the bus, or have assignments done by a deadline.

12) No diploma — High school diplomas are only awarded to students who have proven their ability to survive four years of intense peer pressure and substandard educational fare. A truly civilized society should require that you produce your diploma as a basic form of identification.

13) No college opportunities — Colleges do not want students who study in their rooms and actually complete assignments. Colleges depend on free-spirited, loose-moraled students to maintain the party atmosphere, so any serious-about-education homeschoolers would surely be rejected immediately.

14) Incredible cost — Besides purchasing all of the necessary homeschool curricula, there is the added cost of further education, should a homeschooler actually break out of his shell and be accepted into a college. The ubiquitous high grades will attract a few scholarships, but those only cover part of the costs, leaving the parents to come up with the remaining fees. Since homeschooled students seem to be quite fanatical about education, many desire further schooling past high school. Some start with community colleges or correspondence classes, thereby persuading universities to accept the education that began at home.

[For those who may be confused, check the disclaimer at the top of this article. ]

*Unfortunately, the spelling of some words had to be edited to eliminate undesirable search engine hits.

Homeschooling an Only Child

Two questions are asked with surprisingly equal frequency: “How can I teach more than one child at a time?” and “How can I homeschool my only child?” It is true that the only-child presents his own unique situation to homeschooling. While it may be simpler to prepare and execute lessons for only one student, there are also many educational scenarios in which only one student presents a distinct disadvantage. (A similar set of circumstances arises from siblings who are five or more years apart in age — while they may share the same home setting, they are often too far apart academically to share lessons or educational activities, theoretically producing an only-child-with-siblings.)

The primary concern of most parents homeschooling an only-child is that he will not acquire the social skills gained from interacting with peers his own age. While that may be true during his time spent on lessons, it certainly does not have to be the case for the remainder of his time. Opportunities abound for recreational sports, scouting groups, and church events with age-mates, even if there is no homeschool support group available for cooperative classes or field trips.

I spoke recently with a homeschool mom who undertook the challenge to organize a specific homeschool group activity that she wanted her child to participate in. The event had not been held previously in her area, but she felt strongly enough about it to leave her comfort zone and coordinate the project herself. The event was progressing with great success when I met with her, and she was bubbling over with enthusiasm for the cooperative effort. Perhaps having only one child is your opportunity to step up in organizing an activity you feel strongly about with other families. This does not destine you to putting together all the events for your area or that you need to coordinate your entire life with other families, but planning an occasional event may be appreciated by the mothers who have less time to plan than you do. (Every homeschooling family has something to offer the others in their area, and we can all benefit from sharing our meager “talents.”)

The only-child has the advantage of being able to monopolize Mom’s attention without difficulty, since there are no other students with whom he has to share her time. This can lead to the single student failing to learn how to teach himself — Mom is always available, so there is no need to learn to study by himself. The other extreme is also quite possible: the highly motivated single student can become so independent that he feels no need for interaction with anyone. “All things in moderation” applies to homeschooling just as well as to many other areas of life: strive for a balance of one-on-one tutoring in your student’s difficult subjects and allowing him to work independently in the areas where he does not struggle.

After my daughter had graduated from homeschooling and entered college fulltime, I found myself in an only-child scenario with my son. Suddenly he had no one else for companionship or competition, and I was expected to fill the bill. Math became our area for working together, and he did most of his other subjects on his own with only occasional direction from me. He lacked speed and drive in completing his math assignments at that point in time, and using me for a “classmate” helped to spur him on. This was a higher level of math than I was familiar with, so I studied the lesson and copied the problems into my own notebook, then handed the textbook over for him to study the lesson and begin solving the problems as we worked together at the dining room table. He enjoyed stumping Mom whenever he could, so he would push himself to work faster and try to get beyond my progress. Some days he would get started on the lesson before I did, prompting me to play catch-up. Fortunately, math is my strong suit, and he could seldom complete a round of problems before I did. Devoting my time to learning pre-calculus at this stage of life was a sacrifice that I felt was more important than getting my housework out of the way. The laundry could sit for one more hour — my attention was required elsewhere.

Homeschooling the only-child offers nearly limitless discussion possibilities, spontaneous field trip opportunities, and situations for following fascinating educational bunny-trails. The only-child’s teacher must stand in many times as a classmate, lab partner, or peer companion, but those situations do provide practice in the interpersonal interaction required for group dynamics later. Whenever circumstances allow, take advantage of contact with others — whether playmates, teammates, or the casual contacts of fellow shoppers. Engage your child in safe conversations with your casual acquaintances while shopping to reduce his apprehension of speaking in public. Some families have found situations for involving their children in serving others, such as visiting elderly friends in a nursing home or doing simple yardwork chores for elderly neighbors. The only-child who will be uncomfortable in group situations is the one who has not interacted with anyone face-to-face, but has been allowed to disappear into his room interfacing only with video games.

When I was a little girl, my neighbor’s granddaughter would come to visit for a week in the summertime. This girl was the only child of older-than-the-norm, highly educated parents, and although she was several years younger than I, her knowledge and perspective were far beyond mine. Since I was the only available playmate in the neighborhood, I was asked to go “entertain” her. We played together many times, but I always felt like she was the one entertaining me. She lived in a world of intellectual adults and discussed topics from their points of view. I was brought into the picture to ensure that she got a few opportunities to be a child.

With your only-child, try to balance their interests between childhood and adulthood — include many age-appropriate activities along with the intellectual pursuits that may be advanced beyond the student’s chronological age. We unconsciously often expect a child to adapt to our adult way of thinking and acting, when we could more easily adapt ourselves to the child’s level. I cannot think of a single adult I know who would not benefit from a relaxed afternoon of kite-flying, taking a casual nature walk, reading aloud from Winnie the Pooh or Alice in Wonderland, or other equivalent pursuit in the company of a child. Stopping to smell the proverbial roses brings many more delights than appear on the surface level.

Teaching only one child may require more attention to hands-on, and sometimes hands-off, learning as you work at balancing tutoring with independent study. Teaching only one child allows you to drop the schedule on a whim to pursue a deeper interest. Teaching only one child requires you to offer suitable occasions for integrating your student with others, whether in play, in shopping, or in service opportunities. Although there are challenges to overcome with only one student, teaching only one child offers you an even closer relationship with your child, by being his classmate and confidante as well as being his parent and teacher.

When Good Kids Become Not So Good

[This article may not be much help to parents whose children are in total rebellion. Not having experienced that, I feel unqualified to speak to it. It is my desire to help families stop problems while they are still small, in order to prevent them from becoming huge. My son is now a sophomore in our local community college and a most wonderful young man. I will attempt to explain the changes we went through.]

You had a few beautiful babies, you survived their transitions from infancy through toddlerhood into childhood, you are now homeschooling little sponges who soak up everything you present, and life is good. Then one day one of your sweet, adorable, precious babes morphs into this mouthy, irritating, button-pushing creature that you do not even recognize most of the time. How in the world did this happen? What can you do to reverse it and get your sweetie back?

As a general rule, I did not allow sassy, mouthy comments or superior attitudes as a part of normal communication. Occasionally, we would all engage in some light-hearted teasing, but never aimed at embarrassment, humiliation, or ridicule. (If you can’t feel “safe” with your own family, where can you feel safe?) I have noticed, however, many families whose children are permitted on a regular basis to say very hurtful things in very hurtful ways to parents, siblings, and non-family members, and often without any correction whatsoever. I have many memories of gently, but firmly, pulling one of my children aside to a private conference, where I explained what I had found objectionable, what I considered a proper alternative response to be, why this behavior should not be repeated, exactly what the consequences of a repeat offense would be, and what must be done immediately as restitution.

Despite this basic training in acceptable behavior, sometime in his pre-teen years, my son gradually began mouthing off more and more often, purposely irritating his sister, and becoming generally more uncooperative to me. My husband and I tried heart-to-heart discussions, reminding him that this behavior would not be tolerated, and that helped — a little. We revoked privileges as necessary with the same results: temporary turn-arounds, but not a long-term change of heart. It seemed as though there were still times when he just had to misbehave, as if it was uncontrollable, pent-up frustration.

A couple of years before this, we had joined a homeschool co-op group where my children made new friends, we participated in many activities with the group, and we all enjoyed the fellowship. However, there were some undesirable elements in this group, but they were not other children — it was a few of the adults with exceptionally rigorous, legalistic standards. It seemed that the most unreasonable parents had especially introverted offspring and did not respond well to outgoing, fun-loving, happy children acting like children.

When one of the ultra-legalistic parents felt my son had stepped over the line on her rules governing our coop-class days, he replied that he was not aware of any wrong-doing. When I also stood up to her abusive control and supported my son, it was a breakthrough point for both of us. He was thrilled to know that Mom believed in him, and I was thrilled to know he was strong enough to stand up against corrupt authority.

We were attending a church at that time that was also less than desirable. Through several nightmarish situations, we decided to break fellowship with both the church and the homeschool group. It was like the dawning of a new day. The longer we had stayed with both groups, the worse my son’s attitude had become, only I could not see that at the time. Once we were free and the haze had cleared, I began to see that both of those groups had put an expectation on my son that boys are bad. Even though my son had a good, pure heart, the atmosphere of both places was poison to him. He was told he would be mouthy, rebellious, and a trouble-maker, and he found himself fulfilling those expectations even when he did not try to do so knowingly.

My prayer at that time was to be able to teach and discipline the boy, while still encouraging the young man within. It is a difficult transition when our sons and daughters begin to look like the men and women of their future adulthood, but think and act like the children they still are inside. A mom sometimes has to reprimand a teen-aged boy with great tact so as not to emasculate the man who will later head his own household. I tried to be especially sensitive to my son’s physical, mental, and emotional changes, speaking to him as to an adult, so as to avoid insulting his efforts to attain manhood. At the same time, I tried my best to remember that he was not yet an adult and that his occasional childlike behavior was appropriate to his age.

As we began attending a new church, we did not whine or complain about our previous situations, but quietly joined the fellowship with no “baggage.” People in the new church saw things quite differently: since my son was no longer expected to be the token hoodlum or trouble-making ringleader of the group, he did not feel the need to act out. He could relax and be himself again, without fear of anyone lurking around corners, watching his every move. He was recognized as a peer-leader in the youth fellowship and held up to all as a prime example of a fine young man (age 13). What a boost that was to his self-image! He was suddenly free of the negative cloud that had shadowed him for several years, and he felt led to rededicate his life to Jesus Christ and begin afresh. Since that time, he has grown tremendously in his personal faith, makes time every day to read his Bible, and has a strong desire to serve God in whatever capacity is available. He now has a true servant’s heart where he formerly had frustration and confusion.

My summary advice is to look outside of your currently-not-so-good child to see if there is a larger influence causing the problems. I firmly believe that children need to be allowed their small, harmless, “finding myself” rebellions so that they will not need larger ones, but sometimes they may be the innocent good apples stuck in the barrel with the proverbial bad apple. God’s guidance pulled us away from two bad influences before permanent harm was done, and I pray the same for your family, that God will guide you to break any ties that may be potentially harmful.

The Ideal Homeschool Atmosphere

More than anything else, I need (________) to homeschool effectively. What would you put in that blank? My guess is that nearly everyone’s answer would match mine: patience. I hear it from other Moms, I read it in online forums, I see it at homeschool get-togethers: patience is a primary goal for most homeschooling parents. There is that old line about the most dangerous way to get patience is to pray for it, because God will allow you to go through a very painstaking process to develop patience. Homeschooling often seems to fit that description quite well. Besides desiring patience for ourselves as teachers, we secondly wish for our students to have patience: with themselves in learning difficult lesson concepts, with their siblings, with us as fumbling, first-time teachers.

A similar aspiration to patience would have to be self-control. I may be able to find the patience to go over a lesson for the umpteenth time, trying to help my student understand the concept, but I definitely have difficulty with self-control over my initial reactions. Frustration, anger, despair, confusion, and many other emotions may burst to the surface before I can stop them. Sometimes laughter erupts at the most inopportune times, leaving my child embarrassed and self-conscious, when that is never my intention. Students also will benefit from a healthy dose of self-control — sibling rivalry starts with a lack of it and could be stopped by the presence of it. Control over self and all of self’s insecurities would propel students forward to try again and again without despairing over repeated failures.

What other attributes do I desire for my children to have as they grow into adulthood? Primarily, I want my children to have faith — a strong faith in God that will stay with them for a lifetime. Faith, an unyielding trust in God, is what keeps us going during the dark times, the hard seasons of life. Faith, a reliance upon God alone, pays its own rewards when no one else seems to notice our efforts. Faith reminds us to be humble and to look upon others through God’s eyes of unconditional love.

I also want my children to be kind to each other, to be kind to others outside our family, to be kind to animals, to treat all of life as the precious creations of God. I want them to be gentle with their younger siblings, gentle with their pets, and gentle with their possessions. Kindness, gentleness, and respect are virtues that no one can argue against.

We all remind our children to “be good.” When they go off to play with a friend, when they leave home for a weekend at Grandma’s, when we leave the room to answer the telephone, we admonish them to be good. “Good” is a relative term. “Good” is much better than “bad,” but not quite as nice as “wonderful.” Of course, I want my children to obey the family rules and to stay away from drugs, tobacco, and alcohol, but I do not just want them to be good, I also want them to do good. I want them to think of others first and offer the last brownie to someone else before snarfing it down themselves. I want them to carry the groceries in from the car instead of considering that to be Mom’s job. I want them to pick up after themselves, not just to avoid being nagged about it, but because they know they should do it. I know my children will play nicely with others, will say “please” and “thank you” to Grandma, and will not kick the dog the minute my back is turned, but I also want them to be shining examples of goodness wherever they go in life.

When my children have learned to be kind to each other, to do good for each other, to treat things gently, and to trust God for patience with me, with their siblings, and with themselves, and when I have gained self-control and patience in teaching, our homeschool days will be filled with peace and joy and love for each other. However, our personal attempts at mastering each of these things are limited by our human capabilities. I will be sailing along, having a great day, thinking that everything is finally going according to plan, and boom — it all falls apart. Something surprisingly insignificant can trigger a chain reaction of nuclear proportions, tumbling my perfect day into ruins.

The only solution is to bring in a power larger than myself to maintain the peace. God’s word says that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control are the fruit of His Holy Spirit. A life filled with the Holy Spirit will bloom with these attributes. They are the direct results, the consequences, of giving one’s life over to God’s control. No matter how much I try on my own, no amount of effort will produce them with any lasting results. Only God has the ability to control my self-will, place in me the desire to be truly good or kind or gentle, to keep me at peace, to fill me with His love, and to override all the downfalls of my days with His ever-present joy. The ideal life and the ideal homeschool atmosphere are the outcome of total reliance on God for His guidance every day — and I have to remind myself of it every day.

Verified by MonsterInsights