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Teaching Decision-Making

March 21, 2005 by Leave a Comment

Involve your children in as many real-life, grown-up, decision-making processes as you can. This process will show them a clear picture of life, not the TV version that they are often (unfortunately) convinced is reality. Children who are involved in the reasoning behind a decision that directly affects them are more likely to accept that decision. Bonus: it shows children the applied wisdom of their parents, which is never shown on television. The level of involvement for the youngest children may simply be an explanation of how and why the decision was made by the parents, with the children’s role increasing as they grow older. Let them know what criteria were considered, so that they will begin to understand what factors are involved in making a wise choice.

I began simply by giving my toddler the choice of two shirts to wear. That meant it was still her decision, even though I had directed it somewhat. With my guidance of “a pattern needs to be matched with a solid color,” my child could soon begin to select both the top and bottom of an outfit, and I did not have to fear the public criticism of, “Oh, so you’re letting her dress herself.”

I gradually increased my children’s responsibility levels with their decisions, and before long I had wise-deciders on my hands. My children, at middle-school level, were already making many decisions involving their own lives — decisions that their friends were still having made for them by their parents. (A simple example is curriculum choices — my children were allowed to decide on supplemental subjects, literature choices, etc.) Taking this to the extreme, I have met college-age students who still expected Mom and Dad to make all their decisions for them, simply because Mom and Dad always had, and therefore the students had no clue what they really wanted anyway. Tragic. And so preventable.

It is quite possible to give a child choices without completely manipulating his entire life. Once in a while, you will hold your breath (as I did) and pray silently while your teenager is deciding whether or not he really wants to go to a friend’s party. If the decision-making skills have been effectively passed on, you will see the same miracle take place before your eyes that I saw: my student reasoned aloud to us that this was a school night, he really didn’t care for the other people who would be attending, and he would rather invite his friend over another day for a worthy activity involving just the two of them. Then we calmly praised his decision as being the best choice in the situation and celebrated (again, silently; embarrassment = discouragement) as he exited the room.

Children who observe or participate in the family decision-making process will not only adapt more easily to the family’s choices, but will be better equipped to make their own good choices in life. Simple explanations of the criteria considered will help young children understand why specific choices were made. Older children may have valuable input to offer the family council, while still allowing the parents to maintain the seat of authority. Children who are not given reasons why a specific decision was made will not have a clear view of the Big Picture and will be more likely to rebel against that ruling. Children who grow up learning to make their own decisions on increasingly important issues will be well equipped to handle life on their own as confident young adults.

Filed Under: Family Unity, Homeschool How-To's

Rainy Day — A Post-Homeschooling Perspective

March 18, 2005 by Leave a Comment

[This article was written by Jennifer Morrison.]

It is raining today. The type of rain that is so heavy that when a drop hits your nose, and they frequently do, it is heavy, and bounces all over. The water quickly soaks your pants as you briskly walk to the car, but you do not really mind because it is just warm enough to be ok. The cloud cover is heavy, and makes even the indoor lights seem dimmer.

I remember many such days like this from when I still attended public school. Everyone’s nerves were on edge because the weather was unpleasant, and recess was held indoors (in quarters that were way too close) instead of being able to go outside and run. I found myself hating the rain, and letting my mood become changed because of that awful, nasty rain.

Today however, when the first raindrops hit my face, I smiled. I saw how the rain was washing away all the salt from the winter road protection. I saw how God was giving the world a much-needed bath. I thought about how dehydrated I get in the dry environment that I work at, and how the earth was getting a much needed drink. As I thought more and more about the rain, my only depression came from the thought that I was being kept indoors for work, and that I could not go play in the gutters, racing sailboats with my brother, or just running through the mud with my dog (who, believe me, loves mud!).

When we homeschooled, we were encouraged to enjoy the rain, we took naps, or read a book to the calmness of the rain. I learned of God’s beauty, and find myself now thinking about HIS plan before complaining about things. Imagine how I could have let a perfectly good rain ruin my day simply because of how it used to make everyone at school cranky. Instead I can see God’s perfection, His provision, and His love, and I smile with every raindrop that hits me, and laugh as my pants get soaked.

Maybe it’s silly, but sometimes I think a good soak in the rain feels like a big wet hug from that friend who just came off of a water ride or out of the pool and grabs you, to make sure you get soaked too, and you both laugh.

Filed Under: Encouragement for Parents, Homeschool v. Public School

Time for Kindergarten Round-Up?

March 16, 2005 by Leave a Comment

Time has flown by — it seems as if just a few months ago you were teaching your baby to walk and to talk. How can it be time for your little one to go to Kindergarten Round-Up already? Now you have more worries on your mind than just childproofing the kitchen cabinets. You have heard rumors of how bad the public schools have become — but does that include your district? You might know someone who homeschools their children, but you have never seriously considered it yourself… until now.

Will it really hurt to send Little One to Kindergarten? How much harm could be done in just one year? You had thought about having a little more time to yourself once Little One went off to school. You could look into the Christian school… You have taught him to count to ten, and he knows most of his letters. Isn’t it harder to teach him to read?

There are many positive elements to keeping your precious Little One at home for school, and there are just as many negative elements to sending him off to the classroom. As harmless as Kindergarten may seem, it has probably changed a great deal since you last looked. You remember the bad attitudes that you or your classmates waited until Junior High or High School to pick up, but your child may meet them in the early elementary grades. You remember your sex education classes, but now they begin in Kindergarten and include instruction about AIDS. Public school teachers have less authority than ever to discipline unruly students, and new Zero Tolerance policies have nearly completed the transformation into one-size-fits-all institutions. Is that really where you want to send your Little One for the next 13 years?

Educating your children at home is not difficult. You can begin Kindergarten merely by reading storybooks together and continuing the many informal playtime activities that you and your child have enjoyed for the past few years. Teaching reading is simplified with a basic phonics program — starting with letter sounds, and then combining those sounds to make simple words. Arithmetic is much more difficult to spell than it is to teach. Counting and sorting, the basic steps to math, are easily accomplished with everything from building blocks to M & M candies.

Social interaction is much more easily taught without the roomful of competing students. You and your child can play board games and card games together — teaching your child the fine arts of patience, taking turns, and sportsmanship. You and your child will be able to continue spending the best hours of the day together, fresh and full of enthusiasm. You will be mentoring life skills while running errands or grocery shopping, preparing meals, and tidying up the house together. Your child will participate in life as it really happens, not just hear about it from the isolation of a classroom environment. Educating your children at home does not have to make tremendous changes to your everyday routine, but adapting your household to the rigid schedule of public school does require great dedication.

My own desires for personal time paled in comparison to the value of my children. Although my children did begin in public school, I have regretted that decision. Once my own stubborn mind recognized the benefits of homeschooling, we gladly left the government institution. The public school environment had caused major changes in my children’s attitudes. Homeschooling gave us a complete turn-around, back to the family-first values we held dear.

Homeschooling provides a high-quality, one-on-one education in the loving, safe, and fun environment of your home and family. More families begin homeschooling with each passing year, and there are more excellent materials to choose from each year. I encourage every family reading this to consider homeschooling before you send your precious offspring down the street to public school. Your children are much too valuable to leave to chance.

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Homeschool How-To's, Homeschool v. Public School, Preschoolers

Full-Bodied Education: Mind, Body, & Spirit

March 14, 2005 by Leave a Comment

It would be sadly futile to dedicate your valuable time to the academic side of homeschooling, only to the neglect of your children’s physical or spiritual health. While you are teaching reading and math, also teach the importance of getting proper rest (stressing to your future college-bound students the value of sleep during night-time hours) and a proper diet (again, of great importance to both the college-bound and anyone destined to be living independently someday).

Even young children can begin to recognize their body’s needs for sleep and nutritious food. Carefully explaining to a youngster that he has become grumpy because his body is tired from the hard work of play makes it easier for him to understand his need for rest or quiet playtime, and he will be less likely to view the quiet time as a punishment. Explaining in simple terms how our bodies need protein for fuel will help a youngster realize the value of eating a sandwich instead of begging for junk food. Urge the reluctant child to experiment with his own body — “You think carefully about how you feel all over now, and let’s see how you feel in another hour after eating some crackers with ham and cheese, and then tomorrow afternoon we’ll repeat the experiment with some candy.” (Science class and health class combined with personal experience!)

My daughter identifies her body signals very readily: she recognizes food cravings and quickly categorizes them as protein cravings, dehydration, etc. Her life-long struggle with migraine headaches is caused by monosodium glutamate (MSG) in food or health and beauty products. The “antidote” for MSG is magnesium, but since supplement tablets also contain MSG in the form of corn starch or gelatin, the magnesium needs to come from real foods. Recently my daughter noticed herself craving an odd assortment of foods; a little internet research revealed each of her cravings to be high in magnesium — broccoli, almonds, oatmeal, and the tastiest of all — dark chocolate. Having learned how to “read” her body’s signals helped her to realize what battle her body was fighting on its own.

A bedtime “routine” is helpful long after toddler-hood. I sleep much better if I have a chance to lie in bed and read, even if it is only for a few minutes before the lights go out. Soft lights and quieter volumes in the late evening subconsciously prepare your mind and body for sleep, quickly working their magic. A friend related her frustration at having to arrange alternate living quarters for her college-freshman son. The combination of his two roommates and their friends resulted in the dorm room lights staying on all the time — there was never a period of quiet or darkness. New room, new roommates, better health, happier parents.

God will faithfully guide you in applying His Word to everyday situations in your homeschool. The Bible is full of wonderful accounts of dynamic characters — both good and bad. Examples are readily available of people to be like and people not to be like. Both good and bad sibling relationships are found in the families of Joseph and David. Nathan learned the hard way to listen more closely to God: he spoke too quickly and had to retract his words. Samuel learned not to judge by appearances when God sent him to anoint the next king of Israel, David.

I kept my Bible handy throughout the day and looked up verses as we found them referenced in other books. I read the chapter of Proverbs that corresponded to the day of the month as an encouraging pick-me-up. We used an old family-hand-me-down book of Bible stories as a read-aloud book and enjoyed wonderful discussions prompted by the stories. I was pleasantly surprised at how often I could apply a Bible verse or an entire story to people or events in our own family. My own scripture knowledge improved, as well as building a wonderful foundation for my children.

See that your task of educating covers all facets of your children’s lives, ensuring that each student will grow into a well-rounded individual, able to handle his own needs in all areas of adult life. Teach the whole child, teaching good sleeping and eating habits, and feeding them spiritually.

Filed Under: Homeschool How-To's, Homeschooling as a Lifestyle, Learning Outside the Books, Parenting, Role-Modeling

What Is Your “Best”?

March 11, 2005 by Leave a Comment

“Do your best!” We have all said those words before soccer games and piano recitals, and we usually have said them without any reflection whatsoever upon what we actually might mean by them. “Best” can be a relative term, meaning different things to different people at different times. “Best” varies. Apply the following line of thinking to yourself first, and when you have a handle on it personally, you can better apply it to your children for your expectations of them and for their own expectations of themselves.

Example #1: Hello, my name is Carolyn, and I am a procrastinator. (I do not seek to mock any of the stepped programs for dealing with addictions, but I am simply borrowing their easily recognizable introduction line.) I have a problem; recognizing and acknowledging the existence of my problem is the first step to overcoming it. I have realized that constantly putting things off is harmful to myself and also to those around me. However, I have further realized that I am not always able to deal with everything at the moment it arises.

“Controlled Procrastination” is my new motto — some things will be dealt with immediately, others will be dealt with in a timely manner, when I am able. When I become overwhelmed with too much to do, I try to reprioritize what is most important and decide what can be effectively put off until another time. I then make a mental “contract” with myself that I will accomplish the delayed task (or tasks) by a certain time, date, or circumstance, thereby holding me accountable for the task at another time, but relieving me from the burden of unearned guilt. Knowing that I am not over-burdening myself during times of stress makes it easier for me to accomplish more during easily productive times. I do what I can do, when I can do it, and I free myself from the guilt of trying to do my best best all of the time.

Your best is the best you can do. My best is not your best; your best is not mine. My current best, due to temporary limitations, is not the same as my usual best. Let your current circumstances determine what level of performance you will try to achieve, knowing that at other times that level may change. Trying to maintain an “ideal best” under “less than ideal” circumstances will only heap undeserved guilt upon yourself. In the case that you are surrounded by multiple children under the age of eight, you can expect your best to improve significantly as they age and grow closer to self-sufficiency.

Example #2: I have at least one over-achieving child (ok, both of them, but for now I’m only referring to one). That faithful student seemed to believe that “do your best” meant to take on more than was humanly possible. More than once, I sat down with said child for a refresher course in “only your best is acceptable.” If the student is making his best attempt at the task at hand, that is certainly all that should be expected of him — nothing more.

If my child has worked hard to master memorizing and reciting a three-stanza poem, I must not expect him to recite one of Longfellow’s book-length works. However, since this student and I both know he is capable of memorizing the three-stanza poem, we have equal expectations for his success. Never mind the fact that all the children from the ultra-super-more-than-over-achieving homeschool family will be reciting for hours at the end-of-the-year homeschool program — that is their best, not yours.

Example #3: Young students, especially those still struggling with penmanship, tend to strive for textbook standards of perfectionism. Unfortunately, their efforts are often unsuccessful and result in frustration for both student and teacher. Keep some copies of their previous work to review: seeing actual evidence of his progress will help restore the child’s confidence in himself. During their first years of schooling, children’s handwriting may undergo dramatic changes every few weeks or months. Looking back over past work will show the student how his best has changed.

We all need to recognize the limits of “our best,” whether we are temporarily restrained or continually tempted to perfectionism. If you are pregnant or otherwise constrained by health, have multiple children including toddlers, are changing houses or jobs or involved in other serious life-upheaval situations, bring your standards into alignment with your current reality. Recognize the fact that Wonder Woman was only a two-dimensional fictional character. You, my Guilt-Free friend, are much more than that.

Filed Under: Behavior, Doing Your "Best", Encouragement for Parents, Encouraging Your Student, Homeschool v. Public School, Parenting

Our Reasons for Homeschooling

March 8, 2005 by Leave a Comment

[This article is in the form of an interview simply because that is how it originated.]

When did you decide to homeschool?
Our daughter was in 4th grade, and our son was in Kindergarten. We first thought about homeschooling in March, decided for sure in April, quietly finished out the school year through early June, and began homeschooling the next September. I spent that summer reading everything I could borrow on homeschooling, took notes to keep after I returned the books/magazines, and basically over-prepared myself.

What convinced you that homeschooling was right for you?
I heard Gregg Harris speak on a local talk radio show. My husband and I attended the weekend seminar he was promoting, and we got enough answers to our questions to decide that homeschooling would remove or reduce most of the problems we were having with public school.

Did you and your spouse agree on the decision to homeschool?
We made our decision together to homeschool, but my husband said he had wanted to homeschool for a couple of years, but did not want to put that burden on me! He was always supportive of our homeschooling efforts, becoming more and more outspoken for homeschooling as we went along.

Did you have to face any objections from family members or friends?
We each told our mothers with great fear and trembling, and let them tell our siblings. My mom swallowed hard and then said that she figured I could handle it. My husband’s mother said she did not see why we had not begun homeschooling a long time before! We told all of our family and friends that we were trying this “for a year, to see how that goes.” I knew from the beginning that there would be no turning back, but saying “for a year” made it less scary, even for me. My sisters secretly told my mom that my kids would “be weird.” (Sorry to disappoint you, but no, my kids are normal.)

What were some of your reasons for wanting to homeschool?
This will be a partial list — my list of reasons to homeschool gets longer every day!

1) Our daughter’s health: she suffered severe headaches that the school nurses denied existed (no fever + no vomiting = not sick). One classroom teacher said she could tell from my daughter’s face the moment a headache began, but the nurse and the principal insisted it was just “school phobia.” (Right — the same student who later earned a Bachelor of Arts degree at age 20.) With homeschooling, if our daughter was not able to do math one day, but could do reading, who would care? She could later make up any missed work without disrupting anyone’s schedule.

2) Public schools (two — we changed schools trying to work things out) were interfering in parental decisions, often superceding our parental authority. Complete disregard of our request to excuse our Kindergartner from the AIDS lesson, after the school had offered to excuse any student whose parents requested it in writing. (Just the existence of a lesson on AIDS for K-students was abhorrent enough.) My daughter had been the only student excused from the AIDS lesson for her class, and she was punished for the absence with extra work in her other subjects. We also learned later that each of our children was taken on school field trips that we were never informed of (without a signed parental consent form). We also dealt with administrators who lied to our children, stole personal property from our child, and refused to allow a sick child access to the telephone to inform us of her illness — forcing the ill child to remain in classes all day. (The child’s academic status was not a consideration: even with her absence-due-to-illness rate as high as one-third of the time, she remained at the top of her class — amazing when you consider #5 below.)

3) Lack of Christian values in public school (even from teachers we personally knew were Christians). The old adage seemed to apply: When in Rome (or the pagan school system), do as the Romans (or the other pagans) do.

4) Severe harassment from other students — I phoned the principal at home one Friday night at 10pm to report the bruising I had just discovered all over my daughter’s body. She had been repeatedly punched and kicked by her desk mate for not giving him the answers in class. The teacher stopped it once, but had merely told him, “Don’t let me catch you hitting her again,” and he made sure the teacher never caught him again.

5) Poor teaching (in the state which has claimed #1 status for years) — my daughter was in 4th grade, read poorly (guessing at words), and struggled in every subject. When she had missed 5 consecutive days of school for an illness, I spoke to the teacher about picking up her missed assignments. The teacher told me there was no homework — the class had not progressed beyond what my daughter had been present for. As it turned out, the teacher spent 10 consecutive class days trying to teach the students to multiply 3 numbers times 3 numbers, failed, gave up, and moved on. The teacher could not do the math herself, and her teacher’s aide also could not do the math — so the students never learned it either. (I had taught it to my daughter in about 2 minutes at home during her illness.) This was not an isolated case: I was personally acquainted with another teacher (special ed.) in the same school system who was required to teach an elementary math class, but freely admitted that her husband paid all the bills and kept the checkbook because she was “horrible at math.”

6) I was very skeptical of one teacher’s “lifestyle choices,” made evident by her boastful reports to her students (9-10 year-olds) of her weekend activities.

7) My son spent most of Kindergarten on the time-out chair because he already knew what the teacher was teaching the other children, and he became bored and restless. He told me a few years later that he thought he was the Principal’s favorite student, since the Principal often removed him from class and took him to the office to talk or let my son accompany him on “rounds” of the building, and they spent a great deal of time together.

8 ) Public school activities (sports, music programs, fund-raisers, etc.) often kept us and our children out late at night on school nights and left the children much too excited to go right to sleep afterwards. How were they supposed to wake up refreshed and ready for school early the next morning? (The relaxed schedule of homeschooling allows you to sleep in when necessary.)

9) The food served at public school was rarely to my daughter’s liking. (Actually, it was also a cause of her headaches.) Taking lunch from home was slightly better, but eating lunch at home while homeschooling is great! (I am happy to report that home-cooked food and careful supervision of her diet brought those nasty headaches into submission.)

10) Security at the school was nearly non-existent. Anyone could enter the building at any time, unnoticed. One morning I dropped off my daughter at the school’s front door, not realizing that school had been postponed due to extreme fog in the rural areas (weather in town was a fine drizzle, not foggy, but all classes were delayed). I was not notified to come back to get my child, and she was not allowed to enter the building before classes actually began for the day, even though staff members were present. She had to stay outside on the playground — unsupervised and in the rain — until school started an hour later (or was it 2 hours?)

11) The (sexual) peer pressure was unbelievable — and I’m talking about 8 and 9 year olds!!!

12) Discipline at the school was non-existent. There was no alternative for “good” students except to put up with the disruptions and harassment from the “bad” students. If a teacher’s verbal admonition had no effect on a disruptive student, there was no recourse.

Do you feel your children missed some things by not attending public school?
Once we decided to begin homeschooling, I was often asked if I felt my children were missing anything by not being in public school. My answer was always a sly smile and an emphatic “YES! They are missing the playground vocabulary, the sexual harassment in the lunchroom on hotdog day, and the physical abuse from little extortionist in the next desk who is not interested in learning anything. And I wouldn’t have it any other way!”

Do you have any regrets about your decision to homeschool?
Only one — that we did not begin homeschooling sooner.

[The follow-up to this story may be found at Start Homeschooling for One Reason, but Continue for Another.]

Filed Under: Deciding to Homeschool, Homeschool v. Public School

Teaching Spelling (and Grammar) Through Reading and Listening

March 4, 2005 by 2 Comments

Before your children learned to walk, they spent a lot of time observing. They saw you walking around, starting, stopping, stooping, bending, turning, reversing, hopping, skipping, jumping, running, etc. That formed the basis of their knowledge of how upright ambulation is supposed to occur.

The same principle can be applied to learning grammar. The foundational knowledge of sentence structure, subject/verb agreement, pronoun use, verb tenses, etc. will be learned by example through listening to other people speak correctly. Conversely, if poor speech is modeled, it will become the standard.

Once again, apply the principle to learning spelling. Choose reading material that uses correct spelling. (I know that seems like an odd remark, but there are popular children’s books today that pride themselves on their “creative” spelling.) I encouraged my students to pay attention to the spelling of words as they read. My challenges to look up unfamiliar words in the dictionary often resulted in races and traffic jams in front of the bookcase. We discussed other forms of the words and their roots. I challenged family members to strive for correctness in emails and computer chats — I have noticed that the better my spelling and grammar are in my emails/chats, the better the spelling and grammar are in the responses that I get. Quality begets quality.

I am not advocating total disregard of grammar curricula; in fact, I put a strong emphasis on learning the correct grammar rules. I do believe, however, that any grammar program should be supplemented with heavy doses of observation and experience through personal reading.

Our hometown newspaper is valuable only in that it provides a wealth of misspellings, punctuation errors, and butchered grammar. (I do not subscribe; it is too frustrating. The shopper is delivered free twice a week whether you want it or not.) In case your local papers suffer from the same problem, you have my sympathy: it is very difficult to teach your children correctness when ineptness is published regularly by so-called professionals. However, we did manage to utilize the errors in our own “Can you spot the mistakes in this ad/article?” game. (I have also been known to shout at the television news readers, informing them of their mistakes.)

Part of the blame for poor grammar/spelling lies with allowing computers to do our proofreading for us. A machine cannot read for context nor determine the difference between their, there, and they’re. If I type “than” when I really mean “then,” my computer is oblivious. Spell-checking programs are wonderful — as far as they go, but please discuss with your students why it is necessary to proofread their work. Besides, we humans are so impressed with what our computers can do, that it gives us a tremendous feeling of superiority to know that we can still do some things better ourselves.

Perhaps it is just my hyper-picky nature, but I pointed out spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors to my students whenever I found them. We used these moments as impromptu mini-lessons to discuss what was wrong, what it should have been, and why. My students’ grammar and spelling skills improved dramatically with their reading ability and with the amount of time they dedicated to reading. The more they saw the correct forms modeled for them, the better they could remember how it was supposed to look when they tried to write for themselves.

Filed Under: Auditory Learning, Homeschool How-To's, Reading, Role-Modeling, Spelling, Visual Learning, Writing
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